Should single women over 35 settle if they want children?

[Anonymous]

Or is it better to be childless than partner up with someone you don't want?

By "settling" I don't mean "dating someone imperfect or bad on paper", I'm talking about getting with someone you're not that attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

Not everyone wants or can be a single mother. This is a very privileged take.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you’ve been looking for a guy with the strengths that will matter for a life with kids? Many of those guys would be considered “settling” by the crowd focused on swiping right.

[Anonymous]

If the man checks off a lot of boxes, you are just not attracted to him, go for it. Attraction typically fades within 10 years anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

Not everyone wants or can be a single mother. This is a very privileged take.

The women who are usually single at 35 and have options they are turning down left and right are a privileged set.

Many terminal degree holders or 6s with good jobs that outkicked their coverage.

So these types 100% can go to a sperm bank

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Depends. Do you think that the happiness of having a child will offset the misery of being tied to someone you don't desire? If the answer is yes, are you willing to be honest with this person to give him the opportunity to seek someone that likes him instead of being the guy you're settling for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the man checks off a lot of boxes, you are just not attracted to him, go for it. Attraction typically fades within 10 years anyway.

Novelty might wear off, but attraction persists. A person that checks your boxes but ignites no spark is a friend, not a romantic partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the man checks off a lot of boxes, you are just not attracted to him, go for it. Attraction typically fades within 10 years anyway.

totally agree here.

[Anonymous]

"Settling" is setting you, your partner, and your potential children up for misery.

If you have interrogated why you want to be a mother and found that it is indeed something you intrinsically desire and not something you feel pulled to do just because most women do or because you feel pressure from family, then you need to explore how to make that happen for you.

That may mean aggressively saving/relocating/whatever else so that you are in a financial situation where you can pursue the sperm bank route. Maybe you'll go the foster route and apply your desire to mother to children who need it temporarily. It may mean looking into unconventional partnerships and directly seeking a platonic co-parenting partner. Or maybe it will mean that you need to find other ways to have children in your life - mentoring, moving near friends or family with kids and being a really involved aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

Not everyone wants or can be a single mother. This is a very privileged take.

Not really. Even if you are married you can become a single mom at anytime (death, divorce, etc.) Do you really think all single mom out there are privileged?

[Anonymous]

Having a kid with someone is like Having a really intense joint project. Every choice you make will impact them and vice versa. You have to be a team.

If you don't really like your partner and can't work with them, it will be absolutely and totally miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Settling" is setting you, your partner, and your potential children up for misery.

If you have interrogated why you want to be a mother and found that it is indeed something you intrinsically desire and not something you feel pulled to do just because most women do or because you feel pressure from family, then you need to explore how to make that happen for you.

That may mean aggressively saving/relocating/whatever else so that you are in a financial situation where you can pursue the sperm bank route. Maybe you'll go the foster route and apply your desire to mother to children who need it temporarily. It may mean looking into unconventional partnerships and directly seeking a platonic co-parenting partner. Or maybe it will mean that you need to find other ways to have children in your life - mentoring, moving near friends or family with kids and being a really involved aunt.

This is a common sense answer, but unfortunately it doesn't make a proper DCUM popcorn material so I'll rate it 1/10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go the sperm bank and do it yourself.

Not everyone wants or can be a single mother. This is a very privileged take.

Not really. Even if you are married you can become a single mom at anytime (death, divorce, etc.) Do you really think all single mom out there are privileged?

And many of these single mothers struggle. Most of these women wouldn't have chosen single parenthood if the choice was up to them. A woman voluntarily choosing this path tends to have a good support network in place and a good income.