Should single women over 35 settle if they want children?

[Anonymous]

Enjoy life and stay optimistic. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, wasn’t meant to be. Its a lot of trouble to have and raise kids, parenting isn’t all rainbows and fairies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy life and stay optimistic. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, wasn’t meant to be. Its a lot of trouble to have and raise kids, parenting isn’t all rainbows and fairies.

+1 there is more to life than just kids. Don't risk a bad environment or situation just because 'you' need them for 'yourself'. The child's needs come before yours and if the conditions for raising the child are risky you should reconsider. I think this qualifies - many women may not need attraction/sex to start a family, but this is highly risky with men given the rampant infidelity we see. This is a recipe for a toxic relationship. It's not the end of the matter; it is grounds to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

Not necessarily, personally saw many turn it into a happy and healthy marriage. That being said, it depends on what are you settling on, lack of looks, money, charisma etc, can work but lack of kindness, integrity, dedication, humor etc won’t work. Love can grow, character is unlikely to grow past 30.

[Anonymous]

I got married to an imperfect man in imperfect conditions.
We are divorced, but I am happy with my kids and would do it again. There are no guarantees in life and things usually aren’t perfect anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Wait for finance bro who is 6'.5", blonde haired, blue eyed with a trust fund.

OP.
I'm not looking for an objectivle attractive man. I just want someone I have chemistry with even if the guy isn't conventionally hot

You're looking at this backwards. You need to objectively evaluate what you bring to the table..Then, choose the best available option of the guys who are actually attracted to what you bring to the table. It's not incumbent on anyone else to determine what you are or are not attracted to. Thats s totally arbitrary standard which no man can meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

Not necessarily, personally saw many turn it into a happy and healthy marriage. That being said, it depends on what are you settling on, lack of looks, money, charisma etc, can work but lack of kindness, integrity, dedication, humor etc won’t work. Love can grow, character is unlikely to grow past 30.

“I take thee to be my wedded wife/husband, to love - provided I grow to love this person - till death do us part.”

[Anonymous]

Men are becoming much more savvy to the women who want to settle. Who don't love them, don't respect them at all, only want to use them as a sperm donor. They do not want to have kids with you only to divorce and lose said kids. They're choosing not to have anything to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are becoming much more savvy to the women who want to settle. Who don't love them, don't respect them at all, only want to use them as a sperm donor. They do not want to have kids with you only to divorce and lose said kids. They're choosing not to have anything to do with you.

I agree with that. I am late 40s woman, and dated the named early 40s childless surgeons, lawyers, investment advisors etc. All desirable men - absolutely all smart, professional men would rather date older pretty women who want them (even short term, doesn't matter) than feel like a sperm bank.

[Anonymous]

Settle. Not on everything but a few superficial traits like height, income, weight, hairline, etc. I can be attracted to someone as long as I find his face attractive.

[Anonymous]

80 20 dating principle. 80% of the women want the same 20% of men so a lot of women, like OP, may think they are settling but they probably weren’t the top 20% the men want.

The same men want the top 20% as well.

Try to expand your circle and loosen up on some standards. Maybe give an average height or even short guy a chance. I mean is it really settling if you find a guy like Jeff bezos but instead of a billionaire, he is just a regular professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

Not necessarily, personally saw many turn it into a happy and healthy marriage. That being said, it depends on what are you settling on, lack of looks, money, charisma etc, can work but lack of kindness, integrity, dedication, humor etc won’t work. Love can grow, character is unlikely to grow past 30.

Did those people who "settled" ever voiced being unattracted to their partners, or you're just assuming they're settling because their partners don't live up to society's standards of a proper man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

Not necessarily, personally saw many turn it into a happy and healthy marriage. That being said, it depends on what are you settling on, lack of looks, money, charisma etc, can work but lack of kindness, integrity, dedication, humor etc won’t work. Love can grow, character is unlikely to grow past 30.

Did those people who "settled" ever voiced being unattracted to their partners, or you're just assuming they're settling because their partners don't live up to society's standards of a proper man?

If you can get what you value most, I don’t think it is setting.

I had a friend who was beautiful, smart and successful. She got two timed by her boyfriend. He had two girlfriends at the same time! She found herself single in her early thirties. She ended up marrying a guy who I would say is average but he was athletic, smart and successful. They got engaged at 34, got married and had 4 kids from age 35-41. She met a guy and had her first kid within 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? Settling ends in divorce.

Not necessarily, personally saw many turn it into a happy and healthy marriage. That being said, it depends on what are you settling on, lack of looks, money, charisma etc, can work but lack of kindness, integrity, dedication, humor etc won’t work. Love can grow, character is unlikely to grow past 30.

Did those people who "settled" ever voiced being unattracted to their partners, or you're just assuming they're settling because their partners don't live up to society's standards of a proper man?

DP

Another way to frame it - would you be considering this person for marriage if you didn’t want a baby?

“I would never marry you, but I need a baby so I’ll make an exception and hope for the best”

[Anonymous]

Sorry but you can't reason your way around attraction. If you're not attracted to a guy you shouldn't date him. Nobody tells men to date women they're not attracted to.