Reply to Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, move on.  I was with a guy like this in his 30's when I was in my late 20s.  We were best friends and he was TOTALLY comfortable.  I wanted marriage.  He didn't want to change anything.  I finally had to dump him.  It broke my heart and was one of the hardest things I ever did.

A year later, he was madly in love with someone else.  A year after that, married.  She got pregnant right away.  They've been married now for 15 years and are very happy.   The thing was, he just wasn't that into me.  He was happy and comfortable, but not IN LOVE.  I get it now and I see how happy he is with her and I don't blame him.

I blame myself for staying so long when I wanted more.  I can't blame him for being happy and comfortable with me, just the way we were.  If I wanted more, I needed to fine a man who also wanted more.

You can't make him want you that much.  I'm sorry.  Living together makes it worse because it is SO easy to be comfortable and let inertia make years disappear.  You have to push HARD to get beyond that inertia and get what you really want.

I'm married now myself.  I settled.  He's not my great love and I never totally got over a few heartbreaks.  But I don't for a minute regret breaking up with that long term boyfriend.  I only regret that I stayed as long as I did when he had everything he wanted and I constantly was yearning for more.  You can't make him want you as much as you want marriage.  You have already given many years to him.  Go for what you want if it is not what he wants.[/quote]

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