Mom’s Who Left Career to SAHP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

I agree with you in theory but in practice… the SAHMs and hobby-jobbers I know personally are among the most vapid and shallow women. I don’t think they are all reading the NYT and intellectual books all day. I think they are scrolling Insta and TikTok and obsessing over their own and their kids’ social lives.

I work and have made several stay at home mom friends throughout the years. The ones I know are lovely people - they are the first to volunteer their time at school for any cause, they are involved in their kids lives, they host Girl Scouts and make nice dinners. Some are class moms. Half of the ones I can think of went back to work once the youngest went to kindergarten. If my child is going through something, they are the first people to connect me with other moms who may have gone through a similar thing or anyone who can help. And all except two had a career before kids.

Maybe it depends where you live or send your kids to school, but my sahm friends are lovely people whom I respect as much as my working friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Most jobs are not work from home anymore. I have worked remotely for a long time, but my company is no longer hiring people remotely so my flexibility will end soon. Working remotely is one of the main things that kept me in the workforce since I’ve had kids. it’s also not the panacea you make it out to be - I am still working all day while my kids are in school and with a babysitter. They are home on days off while I work. Most jobs require 3-5 days a week in an office plus 1-3 hours of commuting per day, meaning you see your kids for 1-3 hours at night before everyone goes to sleep. A lot of sahp parents would not understand why anyone who could afford not to do that would want to.

It’s fine to find your job stimulating. It’s great. It’s fine to prefer to work. It’s fine to prefer to be home and be more present for your kids. Ideally there’s a balance but with the decrease in remote work opps, its not going to be as simple as you make it out to be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Most jobs are not work from home anymore. I have worked remotely for a long time, but my company is no longer hiring people remotely so my flexibility will end soon. Working remotely is one of the main things that kept me in the workforce since I’ve had kids. it’s also not the panacea you make it out to be - I am still working all day while my kids are in school and with a babysitter. They are home on days off while I work. Most jobs require 3-5 days a week in an office plus 1-3 hours of commuting per day, meaning you see your kids for 1-3 hours at night before everyone goes to sleep. A lot of sahp parents would not understand why anyone who could afford not to do that would want to.

It’s fine to find your job stimulating. It’s great. It’s fine to prefer to work. It’s fine to prefer to be home and be more present for your kids. Ideally there’s a balance but with the decrease in remote work opps, its not going to be as simple as you make it out to be

I used to be a working mom. I went from a demanding job to a less demanding and also less fulfilling job and eventually stopped working. When I was working, I always had work looming over me. I always had a deliverable I was thinking about or an email or 10 i had to return. I felt like I wasn’t giving my 100% at work or at home. I felt like I had less than one hour of quality time with my kids. Mornings were a rush to get out the door. Evenings were dinner, bath and bed time. It did not feel like enough time together. I used to hate all the events during the work day - staff appreciation, Halloween parade, holiday party, parent teacher conferences, any or all kid related appointments. It felt like a lot and it was a lot. Now I am the one planning and volunteering at the school events. I have a full life of spending quality time with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Do you have hobbies or interests? I’m curious what you do that you’d work for free and truly think something that can be done from a laptop is so fulfilling. Could you have low standards? I say that because you do seem content spending your time in yoga pants…

I enjoy luxury travel and interior design. It’s been enjoyable decorating my nice home and planning luxury vacations for my family. But would I work for free as an interior designer or travel agent? No way.

My job is mostly okay and the subject matter is interesting. It’s a higher profile job that people seem to respect. I still would quit if they stopped paying me. I’d rather spend my time exercising, traveling, skiing, gardening, going to nice lunches etc. I can’t imagine finding anything that can be done on a laptop more enjoyable than my own hobbies and friends.

OP asked about staying home with her children not quitting her job to lunch and plan a summer trip to Tremezzo. The only thing you didn’t mention in your wide ranging post was parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Do you have hobbies or interests? I’m curious what you do that you’d work for free and truly think something that can be done from a laptop is so fulfilling. Could you have low standards? I say that because you do seem content spending your time in yoga pants…

I enjoy luxury travel and interior design. It’s been enjoyable decorating my nice home and planning luxury vacations for my family. But would I work for free as an interior designer or travel agent? No way.

My job is mostly okay and the subject matter is interesting. It’s a higher profile job that people seem to respect. I still would quit if they stopped paying me. I’d rather spend my time exercising, traveling, skiing, gardening, going to nice lunches etc. I can’t imagine finding anything that can be done on a laptop more enjoyable than my own hobbies and friends.

OP asked about staying home with her children not quitting her job to lunch and plan a summer trip to Tremezzo. The only thing you didn’t mention in your wide ranging post was parenting.

Not the pp. the pp was just saying she wouldn’t work for free. She would rather be doing something else more enjoyable with her time. Assuming that includes spending time with her children than working if the money was not needed.

I didn’t read the whole thread. Not sure what financial position OP is in. How much does her DH earn? Is he on board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

I agree with you in theory but in practice… the SAHMs and hobby-jobbers I know personally are among the most vapid and shallow women. I don’t think they are all reading the NYT and intellectual books all day. I think they are scrolling Insta and TikTok and obsessing over their own and their kids’ social lives.

Agree.
Probably a 1 in 1000 chance of a SAHM who is as intellectual/sharp/creative as someone who actually works for money.
I think given ample time and resources most UMC women will focus on their own and their kids health, well-being, and social lives at most.

You really think that your average worker is intellectual and sharp? I’d argue that you might not be that bright if you actually think your boring corporate job is intellectually stimulating. I work and can admit that.

I’ve been in science/medicine, sahm for a while, then corporate for a while now and can say with confidence that while people working for pay are not genius level sharp, as a group they are way more capable (and less myopic) than sahms.

Please rank your intelligence, capability, and myopia (on a scale from 1-10) for the following phases of your life:

1. Science/medicine
2. Sahm
3. Corporate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I never said I think everyone else thinks like me. I acknowledged that PP's job sounds like it sucks. Maybe yours does, too.

I'm not sure what you mean by low expectations. Why does wearing a suit mean I'm working harder? I work on a computer, yes, but I also spend time on calls, both video and on my phone. I interact with people all day long.

It's so funny to me that you people have to tear down anyone who might enjoy their job to justify how you feel. Some people like what they do, they're good at it, and they don't waste their time on meaningless work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Yes thank you. 100% if we could afford it, neither my husband nor I would work for money. This cannot be uncommon.

I just went on a girls trip with friends. I am the only SAHM. Everyone else works. Some are divorced. DH earns more than possibly everyone combined on the trip, including their spouses. My friends all said they wished they had my life and I am living the dream. The most competent one in the group is high earning but like high six figure earning so very high for a woman, but not so high for a man. She is going through a divorce and likely will have to buy her husband out on the house and pay him alimony and child support. She will also be on hook for kids’ college.

Meh, to each their own. I think being financially dependent on a man who is in no way an equal parent sounds awful to me so I wouldn't want your life. Luckily I like mine. Sounds like your friends are going through tough times so no wonder your life sounds better to them.

But it’s okay to be financially dependent on a corporation that doesn’t parent, and probably doesn’t even provide sufficient parental leave?

I think a lot of posters have a false sense of security with their jobs. Consider how many women were dedicated to their federal government job that no longer exists. We are all financially dependent on others - the US government, banks/brokerage accounts, childcare providers etc. The unfortunate reality is that even if you have a great job, most women are hurt financially from divorce.

Do you not even appreciate the irony of your post? You're ok being financially dependent on a man who is financially dependent on a corporation but you'll attack a woman who works for one? GTFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I never said I think everyone else thinks like me. I acknowledged that PP's job sounds like it sucks. Maybe yours does, too.

I'm not sure what you mean by low expectations. Why does wearing a suit mean I'm working harder? I work on a computer, yes, but I also spend time on calls, both video and on my phone. I interact with people all day long.

It's so funny to me that you people have to tear down anyone who might enjoy their job to justify how you feel. Some people like what they do, they're good at it, and they don't waste their time on meaningless work.

NP. It’s mind-boggling that you seem to be under the impression that fulfilling jobs one would do for free are the norm, rather than the (obvious) conclusion that you have landed yourself a pretty sweet deal and should maybe not have jumped into this conversation as you did.

You were either being deliberately provocative, or else you are painfully stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Do you have hobbies or interests? I’m curious what you do that you’d work for free and truly think something that can be done from a laptop is so fulfilling. Could you have low standards? I say that because you do seem content spending your time in yoga pants…

I enjoy luxury travel and interior design. It’s been enjoyable decorating my nice home and planning luxury vacations for my family. But would I work for free as an interior designer or travel agent? No way.

My job is mostly okay and the subject matter is interesting. It’s a higher profile job that people seem to respect. I still would quit if they stopped paying me. I’d rather spend my time exercising, traveling, skiing, gardening, going to nice lunches etc. I can’t imagine finding anything that can be done on a laptop more enjoyable than my own hobbies and friends.

It's funny that you felt the need to post the same thing twice. Yes, I do have hobbies. I play a sport that I've done since I was young and that I share with my kids, I travel to spend time with friends and host people at our house, I travel with my family, I travel with my husband, I am in a book club, we have a dinner club and game nights with our neighborhood friends, we have a beach house, I do a lot with our dogs (as does my husband), I am on two boards for non-profits, I spend time at our kids' school, do you need me to go on?

I've always been ambitious and driven and I have gotten multiple degrees in my field. It doesn't matter to me if you think what I do is interesting, I find it intellectually stimulating and I enjoy that I help people. The fact that I use a laptop for my job is a weird thing to harp about but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I don’t think people realize how uninterested others are in their jobs. They can be very boring without realizing it. I’m a SAHM with friends who are physicians, lawyers, various consultants and business owners. Many women I hang out with have very successful husbands. The worst people are the ones rambling about work. They seem to lack awareness in certain social situations. If we are hanging out, we don’t want to hear about your job and a lot of job talk is often job complaining. It makes me wonder if the job is really so wonderful because everyone I know complains about their work.

I think most people would hate to have my job (just as I would hate to do certain jobs). But it's very niche and is a perfect fit for me and my skillset and I'm lucky that I'm highly compensated for doing it and find it fulfilling. Of course it's not perfect all the time, nothing is, but the ridiculous trope that no one who has a job enjoys is so tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I never said I think everyone else thinks like me. I acknowledged that PP's job sounds like it sucks. Maybe yours does, too.

I'm not sure what you mean by low expectations. Why does wearing a suit mean I'm working harder? I work on a computer, yes, but I also spend time on calls, both video and on my phone. I interact with people all day long.

It's so funny to me that you people have to tear down anyone who might enjoy their job to justify how you feel. Some people like what they do, they're good at it, and they don't waste their time on meaningless work.

NP. It’s mind-boggling that you seem to be under the impression that fulfilling jobs one would do for free are the norm, rather than the (obvious) conclusion that you have landed yourself a pretty sweet deal and should maybe not have jumped into this conversation as you did.

You were either being deliberately provocative, or else you are painfully stupid.

Touchy much? Should me where I said my situation is the norm.

I responded to PP's statement that "I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like."

I get paid for what I do. I like what I do. It comes with a big paycheck and an enormous amount of freedom. So yeah, I'd rather do that than not get paid to work. So I guess I baffle both the PP and you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a working mom who is very close friends with a SAHM and the whole comparing intelligence of working and SAHM thing is so unbelievably toxic.

Do what works for you and your family. I would love a world where both choices were economically feasible and socially supported. The realities of COL and the cost of childcare and social pressures make the choice for women. I'm tired of feeling like women can't win. Working moms are called bad moms who don't love their kids. SAHP are called lazy gold diggers. Can we please stop tearing down other choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For moms who left the workforce by choice to be a full-time stay at home parent, what gave you the confidence to do it? I work FT with preschool age kids but am too scared to take the plunge and exit the workforce because I know reentry (especially at my current salary) is far from guaranteed.

If you enjoy your work, why quit? I wouldn't say I was confident when I left...more the opposite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I don’t think people realize how uninterested others are in their jobs. They can be very boring without realizing it. I’m a SAHM with friends who are physicians, lawyers, various consultants and business owners. Many women I hang out with have very successful husbands. The worst people are the ones rambling about work. They seem to lack awareness in certain social situations. If we are hanging out, we don’t want to hear about your job and a lot of job talk is often job complaining. It makes me wonder if the job is really so wonderful because everyone I know complains about their work.

I think most people would hate to have my job (just as I would hate to do certain jobs). But it's very niche and is a perfect fit for me and my skillset and I'm lucky that I'm highly compensated for doing it and find it fulfilling. Of course it's not perfect all the time, nothing is, but the ridiculous trope that no one who has a job enjoys is so tired.

It is fine and great for you that you like your job but I think the PP was complaining about people who talk nonstop about their jobs. I would imagine that if you have a super niche job then people would be bored hearing about it if you talked about it all the time, even if it suits you.