Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

Breaking your theory- many moms with MD stop working too.

Look it up - most MD moms return to work after maternity leave. Sorry to squash your anec-data...

DP. Ok, but would they say they have found the "balance" you spoke of? Did their spouses lean out? Do they outsource a ton? ...
Your statement about "there are working moms out there who have found balance" is a massive over-simplification. Many, many have not. Many, many working moms are deeply unhappy with their so-called "balance". A lot of those who are happy with their balance have leaned out or "mommy tracked". At that point, if their finances allow, the rational choice is often to step out of the workforce altogether. Unless said parent is wildy lazy, selfish, or depressed, usually the result is that the whole family benefits in numerous ways.

This is much too complicated for a teenager to understand, as evidenced by the fact that many grown adults here do not seem to grasp it.

That is a major assumption. It's not black and white, you're either working 60 hour weeks or out of the workforce all together. Many MD moms are able to work part-time. And many professional women who have established seniority are able to demand the flexibility that teen kids may require. The struggle is hardest when kids are young. Most teenagers are busy and independent enough that they neither need nor want significant hands-on parental attention like they did when they were young children.

You're contradicting yourself. In order to establish the seniority/flexibility by the time the kids are teens the woman needs to work the demanding hours/schedule when the kids are young and do need the significant parental attention; so, in your words, precisely "when the struggle is the hardest"?? Makes no sense.

And is OP's 13 year old the oldest of the three?

I thought it was pretty clear, and I don't understand why you see a contradiction: The struggle is hardest when the kids are really young and demand a lot of hands-on parenting AND a parent is establishing their career (not yet senior). So at this stage, a parent is being pulled in by demands of young children and demands at work. The struggle eases when kids become teens and require less hand-on parenting, and the parent is by this point more established at work and can draw on seniority for a more flexible schedule.
Most working parents understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

As someone who is a volunteer for my kids high school PTA you cannot be more wrong. Sure, Parents are not running parties and volunteering in classrooms in high school, but there is a ton of work that needs to be done by parent volunteers for the school, for sports teams, the music program, etc. You don’t have those rah rah auction fundraisers in high school like you do in elementary school so it takes a lot more work and volunteer hours to get things done when you have less money to work with. Who do you think the booster programs are run by, who is planning and running and staffing the school dances, planning all of the senior graduation celebration festivities, school pictures…. all that is parent volunteers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

Breaking your theory- many moms with MD stop working too.

Look it up - most MD moms return to work after maternity leave. Sorry to squash your anec-data...

DP. Ok, but would they say they have found the "balance" you spoke of? Did their spouses lean out? Do they outsource a ton? ...
Your statement about "there are working moms out there who have found balance" is a massive over-simplification. Many, many have not. Many, many working moms are deeply unhappy with their so-called "balance". A lot of those who are happy with their balance have leaned out or "mommy tracked". At that point, if their finances allow, the rational choice is often to step out of the workforce altogether. Unless said parent is wildy lazy, selfish, or depressed, usually the result is that the whole family benefits in numerous ways.

This is much too complicated for a teenager to understand, as evidenced by the fact that many grown adults here do not seem to grasp it.

That is a major assumption. It's not black and white, you're either working 60 hour weeks or out of the workforce all together. Many MD moms are able to work part-time. And many professional women who have established seniority are able to demand the flexibility that teen kids may require. The struggle is hardest when kids are young. Most teenagers are busy and independent enough that they neither need nor want significant hands-on parental attention like they did when they were young children.

You're contradicting yourself. In order to establish the seniority/flexibility by the time the kids are teens the woman needs to work the demanding hours/schedule when the kids are young and do need the significant parental attention; so, in your words, precisely "when the struggle is the hardest"?? Makes no sense.

And is OP's 13 year old the oldest of the three?

I thought it was pretty clear, and I don't understand why you see a contradiction: The struggle is hardest when the kids are really young and demand a lot of hands-on parenting AND a parent is establishing their career (not yet senior). So at this stage, a parent is being pulled in by demands of young children and demands at work. The struggle eases when kids become teens and require less hand-on parenting, and the parent is by this point more established at work and can draw on seniority for a more flexible schedule.
Most working parents understand this.

Here's what I'm saying -- when the kids are young and parents are being pulled in all directions, the solutions for many women is to go part-time, lean out, or mommy track. So, no, by the time their kids are teens, those women (and there are plenty of them) are not in fact "senior" with tons of flexibility. They are just middling in an ok-ish mommy-track type job. A lot of women do not think it's a good choice to work a demanding schedule when your kids need you the most in order to have flexibility when they need you the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

As someone who is a volunteer for my kids high school PTA you cannot be more wrong. Sure, Parents are not running parties and volunteering in classrooms in high school, but there is a ton of work that needs to be done by parent volunteers for the school, for sports teams, the music program, etc. You don’t have those rah rah auction fundraisers in high school like you do in elementary school so it takes a lot more work and volunteer hours to get things done when you have less money to work with. Who do you think the booster programs are run by, who is planning and running and staffing the school dances, planning all of the senior graduation celebration festivities, school pictures…. all that is parent volunteers.

Graduation, school pictures, sports teams, music, and fundraising are all done by school staff. Optional parties for these teams and clubs are hosted by parents (most of whom work outside the home). Parents do help decorate for prom, but its a few days in the spring. Nothing that would justify needing to give up one's career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

1) We live in a capitalist society with few safety nets. Very few people in the US have the privilege of dismissing, as you do, the "capitalist kool-aid." Have you ever lived paycheck to paycheck? Have you ever had to decide between paying medical and utility bills? This is the reality for most of America.
2) Women with children are far, fare more likely to live in poverty than men. It is nowhere near misogynistic to educate women about the risks of having a man with a plan. And yes, even DCUM women can be at risk. You only need to browse the Relationships Forum to read about moms who have given up their careers and then blindsided by husbands who ask for divorce.

DP. Yeah, there are few safety nets. But we are not making things better for our children by modeling maximum attention to making money and consumption. Most of Americans could do with less consumption and competition and more presence and love.

Of course there are caveats - SAHP should have their own retirement fund (or DH saves for both) and both parents should have life insurance. Obviously this setup is made possible by one parent having a very high paying job, having affordable housing, or some combination. I recognize that many people are finding that difficult to attain but that’s no reason to $hit on families who manage it, that’s a reason to support more family friendly policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

Breaking your theory- many moms with MD stop working too.

Look it up - most MD moms return to work after maternity leave. Sorry to squash your anec-data...

DP. Ok, but would they say they have found the "balance" you spoke of? Did their spouses lean out? Do they outsource a ton? ...
Your statement about "there are working moms out there who have found balance" is a massive over-simplification. Many, many have not. Many, many working moms are deeply unhappy with their so-called "balance". A lot of those who are happy with their balance have leaned out or "mommy tracked". At that point, if their finances allow, the rational choice is often to step out of the workforce altogether. Unless said parent is wildy lazy, selfish, or depressed, usually the result is that the whole family benefits in numerous ways.

This is much too complicated for a teenager to understand, as evidenced by the fact that many grown adults here do not seem to grasp it.

That is a major assumption. It's not black and white, you're either working 60 hour weeks or out of the workforce all together. Many MD moms are able to work part-time. And many professional women who have established seniority are able to demand the flexibility that teen kids may require. The struggle is hardest when kids are young. Most teenagers are busy and independent enough that they neither need nor want significant hands-on parental attention like they did when they were young children.

You're contradicting yourself. In order to establish the seniority/flexibility by the time the kids are teens the woman needs to work the demanding hours/schedule when the kids are young and do need the significant parental attention; so, in your words, precisely "when the struggle is the hardest"?? Makes no sense.

And is OP's 13 year old the oldest of the three?

I thought it was pretty clear, and I don't understand why you see a contradiction: The struggle is hardest when the kids are really young and demand a lot of hands-on parenting AND a parent is establishing their career (not yet senior). So at this stage, a parent is being pulled in by demands of young children and demands at work. The struggle eases when kids become teens and require less hand-on parenting, and the parent is by this point more established at work and can draw on seniority for a more flexible schedule.
Most working parents understand this.

Here's what I'm saying -- when the kids are young and parents are being pulled in all directions, the solutions for many women is to go part-time, lean out, or mommy track. So, no, by the time their kids are teens, those women (and there are plenty of them) are not in fact "senior" with tons of flexibility. They are just middling in an ok-ish mommy-track type job. A lot of women do not think it's a good choice to work a demanding schedule when your kids need you the most in order to have flexibility when [b]they need you the least. [/b]

But PTA mom insists that volunteering at the HS is so, so demanding...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

As someone who is a volunteer for my kids high school PTA you cannot be more wrong. Sure, Parents are not running parties and volunteering in classrooms in high school, but there is a ton of work that needs to be done by parent volunteers for the school, for sports teams, the music program, etc. You don’t have those rah rah auction fundraisers in high school like you do in elementary school so it takes a lot more work and volunteer hours to get things done when you have less money to work with. Who do you think the booster programs are run by, who is planning and running and staffing the school dances, planning all of the senior graduation celebration festivities, school pictures…. all that is parent volunteers.

Graduation, school pictures, sports teams, music, and fundraising are all done by school staff. Optional parties for these teams and clubs are hosted by parents (most of whom work outside the home). Parents do help decorate for prom, but its a few days in the spring. Nothing that would justify needing to give up one's career

You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m on the PTA in a large NOVA school. Staff has nothing to do with all night grad party planning/fundraising, school picture coordination , team boosters, music program fundraising, and school dances outside of prom. Maybe step a foot in the school and volunteer and you’ll be more Informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

Breaking your theory- many moms with MD stop working too.

Look it up - most MD moms return to work after maternity leave. Sorry to squash your anec-data...

DP. Ok, but would they say they have found the "balance" you spoke of? Did their spouses lean out? Do they outsource a ton? ...
Your statement about "there are working moms out there who have found balance" is a massive over-simplification. Many, many have not. Many, many working moms are deeply unhappy with their so-called "balance". A lot of those who are happy with their balance have leaned out or "mommy tracked". At that point, if their finances allow, the rational choice is often to step out of the workforce altogether. Unless said parent is wildy lazy, selfish, or depressed, usually the result is that the whole family benefits in numerous ways.

This is much too complicated for a teenager to understand, as evidenced by the fact that many grown adults here do not seem to grasp it.

That is a major assumption. It's not black and white, you're either working 60 hour weeks or out of the workforce all together. Many MD moms are able to work part-time. And many professional women who have established seniority are able to demand the flexibility that teen kids may require. The struggle is hardest when kids are young. Most teenagers are busy and independent enough that they neither need nor want significant hands-on parental attention like they did when they were young children.

You're contradicting yourself. In order to establish the seniority/flexibility by the time the kids are teens the woman needs to work the demanding hours/schedule when the kids are young and do need the significant parental attention; so, in your words, precisely "when the struggle is the hardest"?? Makes no sense.

And is OP's 13 year old the oldest of the three?

I thought it was pretty clear, and I don't understand why you see a contradiction: The struggle is hardest when the kids are really young and demand a lot of hands-on parenting AND a parent is establishing their career (not yet senior). So at this stage, a parent is being pulled in by demands of young children and demands at work. The struggle eases when kids become teens and require less hand-on parenting, and the parent is by this point more established at work and can draw on seniority for a more flexible schedule.
Most working parents understand this.

Here's what I'm saying -- when the kids are young and parents are being pulled in all directions, the solutions for many women is to go part-time, lean out, or mommy track. So, no, by the time their kids are teens, those women (and there are plenty of them) are not in fact "senior" with tons of flexibility. They are just middling in an ok-ish mommy-track type job. A lot of women do not think it's a good choice to work a demanding schedule when your kids need you the most in order to have flexibility when [b]they need you the least. [/b]

But PTA mom insists that volunteering at the HS is so, so demanding...

No one has said that; they’re simply correcting you because you’re incorrect about how much volunteering does go on. And you know who does it typically -the SAHM - because obviously most women who work outside the home are already busy with work, home demands, their own kids, obligations, etc. What is your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

I have been a SAHM, worked out of the house, and now WAH.
Sure, I did work and do all of those chores on my second shift.
Did I keep my health, my sanity, my self-care when I was WOH and doing all of those things?

No, I didn’t.

Sometimes I felt like I was failing at work, because I remembered life pre-kids and knew what it was like to give 100% at work without any other responsibilities.

Or I felt like I was failing at motherhood, because I remembered life as a SAHM and knew what it was like to give 100% at home without worrying about my job on top of it.

Any parent who says they are putting in 100% at work and 100% with their family, and still has time for rest and self care, either has a lot of outside support or is talking nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!

I missed where OP said everything is outsourced.
Everything?
All of the shopping and cooking?
All of the cleaning and laundry?
All of the home maintenance, repairs, and gardening?
All of the driving?
All of the planning and admin tasks?
All of the providing presence and emotional support?

Did OP hire a household manager who oversees the maids, gardener, cook, handyman, tutor, counselor, and driver?

You are missing the point. Even full-time WOTH moms manage to get this stuff done, right? And some WOTH moms seem to get this stuff done as well as, if not even better than some SAHMs.
Just *acknowledge* the reality because no smart kid is actually going to buy the excuse that SAHMs of teenagers are somehow doing a lot of meaningful work. And if you have a graduate degree, it's kind of shameful to not be working if you have teenagers without unusual circumstances. Teenagers are going to make these comments because they're at a point in their lives where there is a lot of pressure about colleges and careers, and if you have a remotely thinking teenagers, they're going to draw the perfectly logical conclusion that their SAH mom has a college (and perhaps even graduate) degree but doesn't need one for the kind of responsibilities that she has. And it's true. All the arguments about this is the choice that mom and dad made, mom does a lot of stuff for the household, mom already had a job before she had kids, etc., etc., are reasons for SAH, but give the fact that there are WOTH moms who manage to balance careers and family -- and seem to be doing perfectly fine with perfectly fine kids and families -- should raise the question in any teenager's mind, especially for girls, as to why they should bother aiming for a top college or thinking about careers if in the end their parents' actions show that they're not really necessary, or even desireable.

I know several SAHMs of teens in my neighborhood. They are nice, friendly, social and have interests, but objectively, they are not particularly "productive" members of society aside from some things they get done for the household that a lot of WOTH parents manage *also* to get done. I also know several WOTHs with careers that contribute to society in meaningful ways, and these WOTH moms manage to chauffeur their kids, make healthy meals, take care of household stuff, walk the dog, etc., etc. In my neighborhood, both types outsource housekeeping and some shopping (i.e., grocery delivery). I suspect the WOTH moms are more type-A and super organized. And the SAHMs are more disorganized, but less stressed. Interestingly, both have the same levels of education, with the exception of the moms with MDs -- they all work.

I have been a SAHM, worked out of the house, and now WAH.
Sure, I did work and do all of those chores on my second shift.
Did I keep my health, my sanity, my self-care when I was WOH and doing all of those things?

No, I didn’t.

Sometimes I felt like I was failing at work, because I remembered life pre-kids and knew what it was like to give 100% at work without any other responsibilities.

Or I felt like I was failing at motherhood, because I remembered life as a SAHM and knew what it was like to give 100% at home without worrying about my job on top of it.

Any parent who says they are putting in 100% at work and 100% with their family, and still has time for rest and self care, either has a lot of outside support or is talking nonsense.

Yes!
Can we pin this to the top of the board?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

1) We live in a capitalist society with few safety nets. Very few people in the US have the privilege of dismissing, as you do, the "capitalist kool-aid." Have you ever lived paycheck to paycheck? Have you ever had to decide between paying medical and utility bills? This is the reality for most of America.
2) Women with children are far, fare more likely to live in poverty than men. It is nowhere near misogynistic to educate women about the risks of having a man with a plan. And yes, even DCUM women can be at risk. You only need to browse the Relationships Forum to read about moms who have given up their careers and then blindsided by husbands who ask for divorce.

And you only have to have been paying attention for six weeks to understand that your “stable” job can also vanish just like that. Life is unpredictable and there are always trade-offs. There is not a single “correct” way to navigate these issues, and you are doing your children a tremendous disservice if you don’t make sure they understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

There's a lot more to volunteering than helping out at school.

Such as? Enlighten us.

Dp. Sports. My tweens are both swimmers and if I added up the hours I spent volunteering for that it would probably add up to a part time job in the winter, and a full time job in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

There's a lot more to volunteering than helping out at school.

Such as? Enlighten us.

Dp. Sports. My tweens are both swimmers and if I added up the hours I spent volunteering for that it would probably add up to a part time job in the winter, and a full time job in the summer.

You don't have to give up your career so that your kids can join a swim team. Give me a break! Unless your kid is headed for the Olympics, your measure of self-importance as a SAHM volunteer is delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

She’s a dependent if she cannot support herself and her kids. Unless she is independently wealthy, she wouldn’t ever be able to live independently. A man is not a plan. If the OP has daughters, she shouldn’t be modeling a lifestyle that causes financial dependence on a man.

This is such a lazy, tired argument. You have drank the capitalist kool-aid and don’t recognize your own internalized misogyny and completely screwed up value system.

Go work for money if you want to, but thinking people don’t care about the judgements of women who are stuck with the worldview they were told is correct back in middle school.

+1. I am a WOHM but anyone who can't see that our society would lose so much value without the unpaid labor of SAHPs is an idiot. Who do you think fills many volunteer roles and spends that money you "I hate volunteering" parents donate in lieu of actually helping out for things? Sure WOHPs do too, but it's largely SAHPs. I'm so grateful for all the experiences they enable and good they do in the world.

This is the tween and teen forum. I don't know very many tween and teen parents who spend lots of time volunteering in kids' schools when the kids are that age. Parent volunteers are helpful when the kids are young, but really not beyond 3rd grade or so.

There's a lot more to volunteering than helping out at school.

Such as? Enlighten us.

You can’t think of one community organization that you could volunteer at? So pretty much you work and don’t give anything back with your time? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I can totally relate. I graduated from college making more money than my husband got my masters degree etc. but at one point decided to be a SAHM for personal reasons. The other day I told my daughter she needed to reign back on the Starbucks as it’s connected to our credit card and she said it’s not even YOUR money it’s Dad‘s. Oh hell, no!

Oh bless your heart, the courts would disagree with you. The law and most adults agree that parenting and household management is work my dear. My work it to enable your dad's ability to work, you sweet naive fool.