What I’m noticing from millennial high achieving moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

No. I’m describing high upper income millennials in their late 30s and early 40s. I’m talking about husbands that make 7x Fed fin reg attorneys and 4x midlevel and above management at F100s. They overwhelmingly have SAHWs in my circle.

Did these SAHMs fit what OP is describing the highly credentialed/educated? I think that's the specific scenario that OP is pointing to.

No state school grads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Really, middle or lower class would be making 10 - 15% of HHI with a fed attorney salary?? I didn't realize lower or middle class hhi was 1 mil but this is DCUM

Ha! I had that thought too. What is pp talking about that a seven figure HHI is lower middle class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Born in 1985. One child, SAHM married into extreme wealth. No interest in working and not at all ashamed. Don’t use social media. Yes to marathon running.

Do you contribute ANYTHING to the world?

Our PTO and swim team are run by SAHMs. They are doing amazing high-quality work. PP could be contributing in a way you don't know.

Swim team. Wow.

Wow what? I see it as a full-time job that requires much effort and skill, similar to an admin role. I appreciate what these moms do, they positively contribute to our community using their own resources. Not all paid jobs allow for the same opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the flex of having an impressive career and more than a couple kids is a real thing. It is impressive to be killing it on both the home and work front.

It’s also cool to marry a rich guy, not knocking that, but I see the appeal of showing off that you can do both career and kids at the same time

Sounds miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Really, middle or lower class would be making 10 - 15% of HHI with a fed attorney salary?? I didn't realize lower or middle class hhi was 1 mil but this is DCUM

Ha! I had that thought too. What is pp talking about that a seven figure HHI is lower middle class?

This thread isn’t about husbands income. It’s about a woman’s status regardless of their husband’s job. The question is if these women were high achievers/ Ivy League type grad in fields like law, medicine , engineering, etc. these are the woman we are discussing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Really, middle or lower class would be making 10 - 15% of HHI with a fed attorney salary?? I didn't realize lower or middle class hhi was 1 mil but this is DCUM

Ha! I had that thought too. What is pp talking about that a seven figure HHI is lower middle class?

This thread isn’t about husbands income. It’s about a woman’s status regardless of their husband’s job. The question is if these women were high achievers/ Ivy League type grad in fields like law, medicine , engineering, etc. these are the woman we are discussing.

Many posters conflate high-achieving and high-earning. I know know many academics (PIs, tenured professors). Many of them are well-recognized in their respective fields but not necessarily highly compensated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the flex of having an impressive career and more than a couple kids is a real thing. It is impressive to be killing it on both the home and work front.

It’s also cool to marry a rich guy, not knocking that, but I see the appeal of showing off that you can do both career and kids at the same time

I don't know that it's a flex per se. Most of my peers we worked our entire lives to achieve. To "give up" and "do nothing" isn't what we do. I personally was in higher education for 9 years. So were many of my friends. Quitting isn't an option.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I've seen posts about third kids being "the new status symbol" for like 7+ years on this board. And that's only how long I've been around for, who knows how long it's actually been the case.

[Anonymous]

OP's Boomer mom must be dismayed that her expensively Montessori-to-Ivy educated daughter still spells "a lot" as "alot"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a baby during the pandemic and being utterly alone with no support was traumatic. Not gonna go through that again.[/quote


Oh, dear. You couldn't cope with one infant! My mother coped quite well with three children under ,8 when my father was in Viet Nam. No extra help but she was organized and knew whining was counterproductive. Millennial women are the best educated, highest HHI, of all generations and are also the most helpless and laziest.

But look at how self-righteous and unkind at least one of her children ended up being. Perhaps if your mother had more breathing room she would have been able to raise someone compassionate who doesn’t deal with the chip on their shoulder by labeling and disparaging entire generations of women.

Not to mention that raising 3 kids with an absent spouse is not the same as raising kids with zero social interaction because society is shut down and you have to worry about your baby catching a virus that could kill them.

NP but I assume PP was working and didn’t have access to childcare. It was a terrible situation for those folks. Raising a baby during a pandemic while being a SAHM is not too bad. And it wasn’t bad for us either (working parents with a FT nanny who never stopped coming, and grandparents nearby to bubble up with)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Born in 1985. One child, SAHM married into extreme wealth. No interest in working and not at all ashamed. Don’t use social media. Yes to marathon running.

Do you contribute ANYTHING to the world?

Our PTO and swim team are run by SAHMs. They are doing amazing high-quality work. PP could be contributing in a way you don't know.

Swim team. Wow.

lol major eye roll from me too. Our PTA is full of SAHMs who literally make up jobs that don’t need done so they can say they do something. No, the bake sale doesn’t need a 50 person planning committee with an 18 month runway. Simmer down, it’s no longer “for the kids”

What is your problem? My kids are at a private school and I am so grateful to the SAHMs who do the planning for the school events. I almost always contribute something or volunteer my time on the day of, but have no bandwidth for the organizational work that they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's Boomer mom must be dismayed that her expensively Montessori-to-Ivy educated daughter still spells "a lot" as "alot"

Not to mention “woman” instead of “women” in the opening lines!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also see high achieving women doing mostly natural births.

I see the opposite. Esp now that it’s been shown that epidurals are safer and better than going without and thus the shame has been stripped away.

It is like marathon training, though. It's about proving to yourself and others that you can do it.

When I was pregnant with my first a close friend of mine had just had her second with epidural after the first was unmedicated. She told me after the unmedicated one she wanted to tattoo her accomplishment on her face and was waiting for the proverbial medal. When she realized no one cared, she felt like she had been brainwashed into doing it and swore she never would again. It certainly made an impression!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Born in 1985. One child, SAHM married into extreme wealth. No interest in working and not at all ashamed. Don’t use social media. Yes to marathon running.

Do you contribute ANYTHING to the world?

Our PTO and swim team are run by SAHMs. They are doing amazing high-quality work. PP could be contributing in a way you don't know.

Swim team. Wow.

lol major eye roll from me too. Our PTA is full of SAHMs who literally make up jobs that don’t need done so they can say they do something. No, the bake sale doesn’t need a 50 person planning committee with an 18 month runway. Simmer down, it’s no longer “for the kids”

What is this nonsense? Maybe you should try public schools.

We are in a public school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cost benefit. Depends how invested they are in their careers, how deeply involved the mother wants to be in their children’s lives. Even if you have a flexible wfh job, you will still not be able to spend as much time with DCs as a SAH. I like to spend my time in each aspect with my kids (tutoring, making sure they’re high achievers in school and activities, taking my time to make them healthy meals, etc) and pass on everything I know to them, so SAH works. Others need a job to be fulfilled so their choice works for them. I personally think my mode of SAH confers more advantage for my kids, but to each their own.

This is actually the #1 reason I choose to work. I could quit tomorrow and we would be just fine financially, but then I would be tempted to make my children my new "project". Better to model high achievement than to snowplow your way to it.

For you maybe.

I have a longer range perspective as an older GenX who runs in the professionally elite circles of Ward 3. The kids whose mom took some time off when they were young — say 0-8 — are more impressive as a cohort, generally. Smarter, better personalities, more poise.

Having a low-education nanny for years, then Lord of the Flies aftercare, has a more durable and negative impact on the youngest minds than striver parents care to admit.

And we all went back to work or resumed full time. Medicine, law, nonprofit and corporate real estate.

Well, sure. If all you can afford is low-quality childcare, then yes your kids will suffer. Luckily, many of us can afford better and we keep a careful watch on the caregivers we hire.

Also, not sure what you mean by low-education, but I was raised by a grandparent with an 8th grade education, and somehow made my way to an excellent college and successful career. The main thing is the caregiver needs to love the child, want the best for the child, and interact with the child a lot. I acknowledge that while you are basically guaranteed to have that with a SAHM or grandparent, it is more challenging to find a paid caregiver who meets that criteria. If you do have it though, you don’t need to quibble over a college degree. Yes, the college-educated person will explain to the child about gravitational pull instead of telling them what goes up must come down, but whatever.