What I’m noticing from millennial high achieving moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Right. Op is saying job and more kids are more so becoming status symbols/ aspirational. Not that everyone is doing this

[Anonymous]

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Like attracts like, people. Such high-achievers, whether men or women, are not the norm. You are perhaps most likely to run across them in educated and wealthy areas, of course, but if you're so intelligent, surely you understand that you belong to a rarified strata of society?

I agree about like attracts like. The OP has a group of friends who are all very similar. At the same time as her friends are working day and night to keep up materially, there are at-home super moms out there who had no intention of working full time when their children were born. That’s my “cohort”. We occasionally travel together, we take our kids to do things they wouldn’t be able to do if we worked. We carpool in the summer when a lot of our kids go to arts camp. We live our lives in a way that feminists scoffed at. OP and her friends decided to work and have children which is not unusual.

Looks like the OP is trying to make “high achieving millennials” happen as if it’s some new phenomenon.

Umm... I don't know only SAHMs, except high school acquaintances who went to state schools. OP is talking about the generations of women born around 1990 who went to elite schools. Pretty much all of us are working. And those of us who are non-religoous never dreamed about staying at home.

The OP is stereotyping a large group of women from all over the country and world based on her small group who live in a specific area of the country.

You wrote “Pretty much all of us are working”. Who is this “us”? You can’t be stupid enough to think that since the very few women you know from elite schools represents all women from elite schools. You’ve also managed, in your stupidity, to separate religious women and put them in their own little box. They aren’t like the rest of women.

And you might want to lose the “Umm….” at the beginning of your sentence. It makes you sound stupid.

Truth

I think OP was just noting her observations about the demo she is in and thought it would be interesting to see if others agreed or had other observations to share.

I didn’t get the impression she was reporting the results of a well researched scientific study. It’s not that deep…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Right. Op is saying job and more kids are more so becoming status symbols/ aspirational. Not that everyone is doing this

NP and I agree with this. I am MC and there are tons of sahms in my neighborhood. My high achieving, wealthy friends are all working. Interestingly, among both groups where I live, having 3 kids is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Really, middle or lower class would be making 10 - 15% of HHI with a fed attorney salary?? I didn't realize lower or middle class hhi was 1 mil but this is DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Born in 1985. One child, SAHM married into extreme wealth. No interest in working and not at all ashamed. Don’t use social media. Yes to marathon running.

What does this mean? Obviously you're on DCUM?

DCUM isn’t social media in any sort of traditional sense. When I think of social media I think of Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, etc. I’m only on Facebook and Instagram and I post a few times a year. Social media is horrible for mental health and it’s overexposure that no one needs. I was never into it but stepping away from it even more has been amazing.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marathon running and new construction homes.

-another “high credential” millennial mom (1989)

Just wait until their kids are in high school and college and you are hearing all about them running marathons WITH their kids or attending their D1 athletics or whatever.

If this is triggering for you (it is for me) you need to mute or develop a strong level of detachment from social media generally early on.

Why does this trigger you? Serious question. Why do you care so much what other people do?

Are you really this dense?

Look, life is not a menu everyone is handed and gets to order off. So this is not a function of looking at someone else's plate and thinking "I should have ordered that." People have limitations and challenges and yes, sometimes it's triggering to see someone without those limitations or challenges because it reminds you of what you can't have.

Like I am triggered by social media posts of people with their parents, especially anything showing a close relationship between their kids and parents. That's not something I have access to or ever will so it makes me feel a bit sad when I see others who have that. I mute accounts where that kind of post is common because I don't like thinking about it.

If statements like this bother you, maybe you should avoid going on DCUM threads where people talk about it, which is clearly triggering *for you.*

Um ... sweetie? I mean this gently, but I'm not the neurotic one. Your thought process as described is unhealthy, abnormal and not valid. You should see a professional about correcting your disordered thinking.

I kind of agree with PP. The idea of a young mom being triggered by the idea that someone she vaguely knows and follows on social media will maybe in 15+ years have a kid who is a D1 athlete is kind of bananas…It’s not a zero sum game here. Your child can have a great life if they are not a D1 athlete and you can have a great life without having a loving relationship with one or both parents. A scarcity mindset will not and is not serving you. I’m sorry for the trauma that you’ve clearly been through and it’s great that you are self-aware enough to understand your triggers but seeking therapy or continuing in therapy is the way here. You don’t want to spend your life being jealous of other people. It is your life - not their life. And you definitely don’t want to pass that thinking onto your child. It won’t serve them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a baby during the pandemic and being utterly alone with no support was traumatic. Not gonna go through that again.[/quote


Oh, dear. You couldn't cope with one infant! My mother coped quite well with three children under ,8 when my father was in Viet Nam. No extra help but she was organized and knew whining was counterproductive. Millennial women are the best educated, highest HHI, of all generations and are also the most helpless and laziest.

But look at how self-righteous and unkind at least one of her children ended up being. Perhaps if your mother had more breathing room she would have been able to raise someone compassionate who doesn’t deal with the chip on their shoulder by labeling and disparaging entire generations of women.

Not to mention that raising 3 kids with an absent spouse is not the same as raising kids with zero social interaction because society is shut down and you have to worry about your baby catching a virus that could kill them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound insufferable.

Humble brag adding additional details as the thread unwinds. SAD. Validation needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

No. I’m describing high upper income millennials in their late 30s and early 40s. I’m talking about husbands that make 7x Fed fin reg attorneys and 4x midlevel and above management at F100s. They overwhelmingly have SAHWs in my circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

No. I’m describing high upper income millennials in their late 30s and early 40s. I’m talking about husbands that make 7x Fed fin reg attorneys and 4x midlevel and above management at F100s. They overwhelmingly have SAHWs in my circle.

My circle are dual earners with HHI over $3mm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

No. I’m describing high upper income millennials in their late 30s and early 40s. I’m talking about husbands that make 7x Fed fin reg attorneys and 4x midlevel and above management at F100s. They overwhelmingly have SAHWs in my circle.

Are the SAHM Ivy League grads? Do you know what fields they were in before SAHM? I seems that business may be more susceptible as a field to having to stay home .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

No. I’m describing high upper income millennials in their late 30s and early 40s. I’m talking about husbands that make 7x Fed fin reg attorneys and 4x midlevel and above management at F100s. They overwhelmingly have SAHWs in my circle.

Did these SAHMs fit what OP is describing the highly credentialed/educated? I think that's the specific scenario that OP is pointing to.

[Anonymous]

I think the flex of having an impressive career and more than a couple kids is a real thing. It is impressive to be killing it on both the home and work front.

It’s also cool to marry a rich guy, not knocking that, but I see the appeal of showing off that you can do both career and kids at the same time