What I’m noticing from millennial high achieving moms

[Anonymous]

My sister is an older millenial (1987) and she and most of her friends are SAHMs. The UMC kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marathon running and new construction homes.

-another “high credential” millennial mom (1989)

Just wait until their kids are in high school and college and you are hearing all about them running marathons WITH their kids or attending their D1 athletics or whatever.

If this is triggering for you (it is for me) you need to mute or develop a strong level of detachment from social media generally early on.

It’s not really triggering for me unless they’re smug about it (which I guess most people bragging on social media are.) the peers who trigger me are the ones who not only had everything handed to them growing up (which I did too) but whose parents now still find a lavish lifestyle as adults- gifted multi million dollar homes, have 3+ kids in private school their parents are paying for, annual international trips funded by parents etc. and have the audacity to brag about it all on social media. It would be annoying to brag if it was self earned, but it’s particularly obnoxious when they are living hand to mouth.

That said, most of my close friends grew up well off, and are hard working adults just trying to balance young kids, career and some time for ourselves, and do not have parents funding the day to day.

Eh, and some of us didn't even grow up well off with everything handed to us.

[Anonymous]

Women want to post about being busy and for that a job, a hobby, a cause, a hubby, few kids, few friends, a weakness, couple of pets, nice kitchen, backyard, travel, children's sport/activity, vacation home are a must.

[Anonymous]

I see rare few SAHM/part time moms but a rise in divorced moms among my women physician groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see rare few SAHM/part time moms but a rise in divorced moms among my women physician groups.

I'm guessing most women who put in the effort for med school/residency are not going to self-select to be a SAHM. I don't think that's a representative sample of a generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is an older millenial (1987) and she and most of her friends are SAHMs. The UMC kind.

Same. I was super ambitious but found working and kids to be hard. I can take care of my appearance more as a sahm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid age millennial born in 1990. I went to an Ivy with very high achieving woman and these are the trends I’m noticing as we start to become parents

1. Very few stay at home moms despite high earner spouses. I’m surprised by this because many of my friends assumed they’d stay home but I’m noticing most work full time in top but flexible jobs. This makes this combined incomes super high (dual doctors, big law/surgeon, finance/ engineers). I’m sure this will put SAHM mom / single earner families at a disadvantage going forward

2. More kids. Not sure if this is a status symbol or not but lots of 3 kids back to back (again while working big jobs)

3. Traveling alot despite 1 &2

4. Need to post about how amazing their family life is (with obligatory sentence about how sometimes it’s hard)

Anything I’m missing?

Really? This surprises me. I would think women who have invested a lot in their education/careers would not assume that they would become SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

I'm in that group and pretty open about the positive and negative I've experienced- domestic assault, becoming a single Mom, parent to a medically disabled child, losing many many pregnancies. I've also talked about wins - successful career.

Some friends have been open about their struggles. One lost two babies and her uterus. Super high achieving person. Another is a famous tech owner that essentially is a recluse ans paranoid.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds a lot like my late GenX cohort when we were in our 30s. You all are not the first generation to do these things. You are not special.

[Anonymous]

When questioned on actual heavy lift of parenting (cooking, laundry, childcare) emphasize their skill at delegation to older children in lieu of grandparents throw shade at traditional parenting techniques- classic line is ‘you have to learn todelegate’ (as if their success at both job and home is tied to one skill: delegation

+1 on the travel sports.

[Anonymous]

I work at a half-day preschool that caters to SAHMs and I also belong to a gym with a nice daycare. I also run most of my errands during the day, during the week. Based upon all of this, I don't see any downturn in SAHM numbers at all from when I had my first 16 years ago.

SAHMs (with money) are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs are everywhere including the physician and high income moms. You are probably just catching them at one kid and once they have their third, they change their plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in that group and pretty open about the positive and negative I've experienced- domestic assault, becoming a single Mom, parent to a medically disabled child, losing many many pregnancies. I've also talked about wins - successful career.

Some friends have been open about their struggles. One lost two babies and her uterus. Super high achieving person. Another is a famous tech owner that essentially is a recluse ans paranoid.

The bolded is actually something I do NOT see in this group unless the street goes can be framed as another accomplishment. So like medical issues that got resolved they will share about, but a divorce will happen very quietly with no acknowledgement on social media. A kid with an LD or other SN that they overcome to do well will be highlighted, a child with behavioral issues that are persistent will never be mentioned.

If these women were open about struggles in a way that indicated they don't have all the answers, they would be relatable. But when it's all wins, all the time, I just feel like I can't relate and would rather keep my distance. I don't want my more normal life compared to theirs negatively, and I really don't want to be lectured on how to "fix" my life to be more like theirs (truthfully I don't want the big successful career because I like having a lot of balance and I decided a long time ago that trying to look and be perfect all the time was bad for my mental health so I embrace my mediocrity as a sign that I'm in a good head space).

[Anonymous]

Cost benefit. Depends how invested they are in their careers, how deeply involved the mother wants to be in their children’s lives. Even if you have a flexible wfh job, you will still not be able to spend as much time with DCs as a SAH. I like to spend my time in each aspect with my kids (tutoring, making sure they’re high achievers in school and activities, taking my time to make them healthy meals, etc) and pass on everything I know to them, so SAH works. Others need a job to be fulfilled so their choice works for them. I personally think my mode of SAH confers more advantage for my kids, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marathon running and new construction homes.

-another “high credential” millennial mom (1989)

Just wait until their kids are in high school and college and you are hearing all about them running marathons WITH their kids or attending their D1 athletics or whatever.

If this is triggering for you (it is for me) you need to mute or develop a strong level of detachment from social media generally early on.

Since this is all about stereotypes those kind of people don’t produce D1 athletes very often. They’ll pay big money to try but their kids don’t have the genetics to be anything but middling.