Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real life

Seems real to me. I first went to South Asia in the 1980s and it's much more modern now than it was then but there are still situations like OP is describing. I have found there are two types of American: those who enjoy the South Asian lifestyle, and those who are freaked-out by it. OP is the latter. It's too bad she is like that because rural Bengal is very nice.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Definitely sounds like India

Do they have pizza restaurants in India?

Which world are you living in? In my village, besides pizza places, there are fancy ice cream parlors too, a 20 minute drive away. Many homes have at least 1 Western toilet.

Granted they are not that clean in restaurants and such but then again I hate using the mall bathrooms here too.

Which world do you think I'm living in?

The world of the clueless.

Nobody has ever approached me with a list of American style restaurants in India or Bangladesh and I've never heard of pizza as a common food there. I know you're trying to insult me but you're just kind of a jerk.

You are just embarrassing yourself. Domino’s pizza has been around in India since 1996, to name one. There are plenty of local places that serve pizza. Just because you haven’t heard of it doesn’t mean anything other than you’re ignorant.

Op here. I wanted to go to Dominos yesterday when we went to Dhaka and dh wouldn't let me because they support Israel. So instead of crossing the street and getting it when had to cross dangerous interactions with cars driving right into me. I don't support the war either but it's not the end of the world to buy a pizza from Dominos. There aren't any American chains where we are now.

Plenty of local places serve pizza. I’m quite sure none of those places support Israel. Keep this thread going, please. It’s hilarious to people from the subcontinent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

Op here as an AMERICAN it feels poor. I am freezing cold. There aren't any heaters here (not even space heaters) and the door is open all day and windows are open all night. It's very hard to take a bucket bath when you are cold. I think a lot of the people posting replies are originally from South Asia or grew up with immigrant parents and took lots of trips abroad. I will be okay but living like this for a month is really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real life

Seems real to me. I first went to South Asia in the 1980s and it's much more modern now than it was then but there are still situations like OP is describing. I have found there are two types of American: those who enjoy the South Asian lifestyle, and those who are freaked-out by it. OP is the latter. It's too bad she is like that because rural Bengal is very nice.

Op here. If we were in Dhaka I would love it. Bangladesh is also much more conservative than India. I see women covering their entire faces. I can't go out for coffee and strike up conversations with people, especially men. I have to limit my conversations were men in his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting anyone for a month is difficult.

Living in a poor rural area is difficult, more so if you don't know language and local culture.

Living with In-laws is difficult.

Traveling with young kids and uncooperative spouse is difficult.

I do have some questions.

Why you didn't visit before marrying him?

Why you didn't research and prepare yourself?

Treat it as an adventure. Next time tell DH that either trip has to be shorter or he needs to let you pack accordingly.

At least you've good internet service and in-laws are nice.

I'm also from a third world country though middle class and from a big city, even i would have problems living in a poor rural town with a DH who is not helping find solutions because he is trying to prove something to his people.

You can have these discussions with DH later,for now make lemonade with your given lemons.

Your premise is incorrect. She is not in a poor rural town. This is not her first trip. She is in a fairly large town with all sorts of amenities available to her. Her ILs are not poor. Based on the pictures posted, they're at least middle class. She seems to have good internet. She claims she's lying awake hungry, not because there is no food, but because she refuses to eat it. And who the hell takes an electric pancake maker to a country with incompatible voltage requirements, when all you really need is a griddle (which, any home that makes parathas will have)? Either OP is incredibly stupid, or a troll. I suspect the latter.

Op here as an AMERICAN it feels poor. I am freezing cold. There aren't any heaters here (not even space heaters) and the door is open all day and windows are open all night. It's very hard to take a bucket bath when you are cold. I think a lot of the people posting replies are originally from South Asia or grew up with immigrant parents and took lots of trips abroad. I will be okay but living like this for a month is really hard.

The temperature in Faridpur shows a high of 72 and a low of 54. That’s freezing? What are your children doing?

[Anonymous]

Your DH should be in charge of bathing the kids and trying to find food for you all that you would enjoy.

[Anonymous]

OP has been posting about this for years. She has had plenty of time to research and prepare. She chooses instead to stress out and whine. She goes in 100% expecting to be miserable no matter what, so she doesn't do any of the practical things to prepare properly (like get the right vaccines!! Or learn a few words of the local language!) and then acts horrified that the predictable happens (gets sick from a disease that would have been prevented with the proper vaccine).

OP, if you plan to be miserable, you will be. Or you can open your mind to doing things a new way. Your choice. But please stop the victim act. It's getting old.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I hear ya OP.

I think bathing out of a bucket 🪣 for an entire month would equate a second form of hell for me!

I would be so angry that your husband never cautioned you on the way things are in his country…I would definitely discuss it w/him because it was disrespectful of him to not tell you these things.

What do you think Americans in the us did 150 years ago?

We have become so soft as a people and nation

My boyfriend grew up with an outhouse and bucket bath in rural Ohio. They did not get indoor plumbing until he was in high school. He mentioned the house they lived in when he was young was really, really old.

Our once a week cleaning lady in Frederick who lived in Brunswick had an outhouse for many many years. It was a big deal when she got indoor plumbing.

[Anonymous]

Surely you’re not just sitting around the house all day, OP? Organize a trip to see the local attractions. Do some shopping. Get yourself a jamdani sari.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely you’re not just sitting around the house all day, OP? Organize a trip to see the local attractions. Do some shopping. Get yourself a jamdani sari.

But that would mean she has less time to whine, so….

[Anonymous]

I have read all of your posts,Op
across different threads that you started.

It really is beyond belief that:

- you have been to Bangladesh before and are still unprepared for many things

- that even in your second visit you cannot navigate your way around simple cooking things like breakfast other than using a pancake maker that you took from US

- there are many ways to get across the street without walking if thats difficult for you - you said your kids like the rickshaw.

- LOADS of local places sell pizza there not just Dominoes

- you keep saying Bengal this and Bengal that, it’s “Bengali” - please know the difference if you are married to a Bangladeshi, and have kids too so you can teach them

- if you visit a place like Serene Garden in “rural Bangladesh “ and still complain about dirty cushions, sorry you are a troll.

- you claim no one told you about certain things - you could surely look them up online when in the US, but you didn't because you want to be ignorant, or want dh to spoon feed you everything. Or you love drama.

- communication with your dh needs to be a lot more transparent,( and has nothing to do with Bangladesh and its rural cities, ) but thats a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was there I'd be eating mutton biriyani every day.

+10000
Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a dumb question, but how do you take a bucket bath?

Fill a bucket with water. Put a plastic or steel container in and keep pouring water on yourself, lathering yourself up in between pours and then washing it off.

This is what I've done in traditional Ryokan in Japan. Except the ambience is all wood, relaxing and delightful, and the water is a warm temperature. When you're all clean, you steep yourself in a HOT HOT HOT bath up to your neck. Not for those with deep varicose veins.

I grew up in the UK, when after cross country runs, my classmates and I were supposed to wash with boiling hot OR glacially cold water coming out of different faucets, no mixer. Since this was the school showers, there were no buckets, no nothing. No one ever took showers. We all went home caked in mud (because it rained nearly every day where I lived, and running in mud gets you caked) and washed at home. But OP has a bucket, she can mix water. I've had to do that once when we lost water in our house in Bethesda!

OP, you've got to communicate better with your husband. You're not an adventurous person. Tell him that next time, he's either going by himself, or he has to make some concessions.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I've enjoyed the photos that you have posted.

Do your kids eat rice?

[Anonymous]

When I visit India with my American spouse and our kids we are so busy with meeting family and friends, traveling and shopping that we barely have a moment to sit down. And we eat all the local food like there’s no tomorrow, with sensible precautions. We go for 2 weeks. A month would be heaven. I don’t think I’d be writing essays on DCUM.