Can anyone please explain the mindset of parents who allow “failure to launch”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of close friends and a family member with a kid that is "failure to launch". In all cases the issue is a combination of depression, anxiety and ADHD. In all of the cases the parents are beside themselves trying to keep their kids from going so low they give up on life. It is heartbreaking to see and I wish them all the best - nobody wants to be in this situation typically.

Untreated adhd or asd and all the mishaps that ensure do cause comorbid anxiety and depression.

Why won’t they get professional help for the underlying disorder?!

Not Pp but I have a friend dealing with this for their dc. my understanding is they have tried many times to get help but once someone is 18 almost impossible. Not only is it hard to get providers to let you make the appointment, but the times they do, the dc won’t go, maybe goes once, given meds but then won’t take it, on and on. Their situation unraveled first year of college.

From the outside it’s easy to say….just make them get up, get a job, do x ( and I have!) but I see how hard she is trying and how it consumes her days. The system and dc thwarts all efforts, ideas, etc. I see no way for this to change for them. Really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of close friends and a family member with a kid that is "failure to launch". In all cases the issue is a combination of depression, anxiety and ADHD. In all of the cases the parents are beside themselves trying to keep their kids from going so low they give up on life. It is heartbreaking to see and I wish them all the best - nobody wants to be in this situation typically.

Untreated adhd or asd and all the mishaps that ensure do cause comorbid anxiety and depression.

Why won’t they get professional help for the underlying disorder?!

Not Pp but I have a friend dealing with this for their dc. my understanding is they have tried many times to get help but once someone is 18 almost impossible. Not only is it hard to get providers to let you make the appointment, but the times they do, the dc won’t go, maybe goes once, given meds but then won’t take it, on and on. Their situation unraveled first year of college.

From the outside it’s easy to say….just make them get up, get a job, do x ( and I have!) but I see how hard she is trying and how it consumes her days. The system and dc thwarts all efforts, ideas, etc. I see no way for this to change for them. Really sad.

True you have to get them help and treatment before age 18 otherwise it is up to them.
Your friend will have to get her own therapist and learn to detach emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This man is 21, has never had a job, doesn’t attend college, does nothing. His parents (divorced) pay for everything he does; food, gas, car, phone, clothing. He bounces between his parents houses.

What do they each gain from this? Why doesn’t he want to launch? Why do they finance his lifestyle?

He's just a Gen Z with permissive parents. Typical GenZ Peter Pan Syndrome.

[Anonymous]

What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

[Anonymous]

it's guilt for divorcing and messing up his childhood. this is a common outcome for children of divorced parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

Talking about trusts suggests this is rich parent problem only, but is that true?

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

Talking about trusts suggests this is rich parent problem only, but is that true? Not sure it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

They usually go get a job and apartment and roommates. Maybe even move to a different city. They finally rely on themselves.

If they need snap or section I housing or Medicaid they can go to an NGO and the SSA office and sign up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

They usually go get a job and apartment and roommates. Maybe even move to a different city. They finally rely on themselves.

If they need snap or section I housing or Medicaid they can go to an NGO and the SSA office and sign up.

Only get SS if held job at some point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

They usually go get a job and apartment and roommates. Maybe even move to a different city. They finally rely on themselves.

If they need snap or section I housing or Medicaid they can go to an NGO and the SSA office and sign up.

Only get SS if held job at some point

SSA gives you the aformentioned benies. SSA office on Georgia Ave Silver Spring is filled with mom's signing up their USA anchor babies for benies.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if DH and I are considered FTL with our DC25.

Moved home after college graduation three years ago. Two surgeries and recovery to deal with chronic health condition. Three placeholder type jobs. Just got highly coveted, competitive position related to degree making close to $90k. Planning to move out within 6 months. I can’t wait. Wish it would be immediate but DH huge coddler and thinks I’m harsh, heartless and mean. He’s terrified to create a rift as this is how he operates within his own family and siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and my parents partially support me. They have their reasons.

Explain your situation more please.

I think the point here is that PP's parents have their reasons and it's none of anyone's business.

If it’s a sibling, it becomes your business. My parents enabled my sibling for years. Fast forward to mid-sixties and sibling is realizing the gravy train is about over and is completely melting down about ‘possibly being homeless’ but refuses to even try to make enough money to survive. Biggest concern to sibling is that surviving parent in assisted living will go through all of sibling’s inheritance. Already been ranted at by sibling numerous times about how I am selfish and cruel for not being willing to support sibling, even though sibling is quite capable of working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

They usually go get a job and apartment and roommates. Maybe even move to a different city. They finally rely on themselves.

If they need snap or section I housing or Medicaid they can go to an NGO and the SSA office and sign up.

Some due, but I do worry my sibling is capable of horrible things to avoid doing just that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they each gain from this? Not pleasure. But peace of mind that their child is sheltered, fed, and maybe won’t get into more trouble.

One of my ex boyfriends experienced significant familial trauma as a teen. He unraveled in college and it has taken him more than a decade to get his life back on track. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been if his family hadn’t supported him financially and with a place to live.

What happens when the parents die if no job, don’t know how to hold job, no one to pay for them/look after or do parents set up trusts so can go in a support/care home?

They usually go get a job and apartment and roommates. Maybe even move to a different city. They finally rely on themselves.

If they need snap or section I housing or Medicaid they can go to an NGO and the SSA office and sign up.

Some due, but I do worry my sibling is capable of horrible things to avoid doing just that

Many of us are in similar situations, very painful when parents refuse to do special needs trust, have properties and just don't care when it all blows up in the mentally healthy siblings face..nvm that mentally healthy sibling has numerous physical medical issues and just needs mentally unstable sibling to cause chaos over inheritance and eventually having shelter once they give it away because they have zero judgment. ..just sayin...