Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your mom and 3 of 4 siblings all live with in the same region- or a weekend’s drive in your case? And this is the ONE time of year you can all get together? If you are going to be assigning “fault” (not that I agree it is anyone’s fault- but you obviously do) about this- the fault lies more with the sibling who moved to Seattle. Next in line would be YOU- who moved 4hrs away.

It isn’t your brother and SIL’s fault that siblings have moved away. Why should they have to be the ones to accommodate this? Ridiculous. They can see your mother anytime.

Why does everyone even have to get together at the SAME time? This is a control issue. Yuck!

My in-laws are like this. We are celebrating Hanukkah several weeks late this year because they wanted all three adult kids present at the same time, and although we could all celebrate during actual Hanukkah with them, none of us could do it the same night. So instead of celebrating during the actual holiday separately, we are doing it in a few days from now. It’s odd to me. We are all semi local so it’s not like we don’t get together at other times too.

That's odd that the three kids couldn't find one night out of eight to get together. Clearly not a priority.

Um, they did figure out a night, a little after Hanukkah. No big deal. They found a time that worked for everyone. Why is that not OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your mom and 3 of 4 siblings all live with in the same region- or a weekend’s drive in your case? And this is the ONE time of year you can all get together? If you are going to be assigning “fault” (not that I agree it is anyone’s fault- but you obviously do) about this- the fault lies more with the sibling who moved to Seattle. Next in line would be YOU- who moved 4hrs away.

It isn’t your brother and SIL’s fault that siblings have moved away. Why should they have to be the ones to accommodate this? Ridiculous. They can see your mother anytime.

Why does everyone even have to get together at the SAME time? This is a control issue. Yuck!

My in-laws are like this. We are celebrating Hanukkah several weeks late this year because they wanted all three adult kids present at the same time, and although we could all celebrate during actual Hanukkah with them, none of us could do it the same night. So instead of celebrating during the actual holiday separately, we are doing it in a few days from now. It’s odd to me. We are all semi local so it’s not like we don’t get together at other times too.

That's odd that the three kids couldn't find one night out of eight to get together. Clearly not a priority.

Well it only covered one weekend and its too far to travel for a school night. So it was really only Fri/Sat/Sun and correct there was no night we were all free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your mom and 3 of 4 siblings all live with in the same region- or a weekend’s drive in your case? And this is the ONE time of year you can all get together? If you are going to be assigning “fault” (not that I agree it is anyone’s fault- but you obviously do) about this- the fault lies more with the sibling who moved to Seattle. Next in line would be YOU- who moved 4hrs away.

It isn’t your brother and SIL’s fault that siblings have moved away. Why should they have to be the ones to accommodate this? Ridiculous. They can see your mother anytime.

Why does everyone even have to get together at the SAME time? This is a control issue. Yuck!

My in-laws are like this. We are celebrating Hanukkah several weeks late this year because they wanted all three adult kids present at the same time, and although we could all celebrate during actual Hanukkah with them, none of us could do it the same night. So instead of celebrating during the actual holiday separately, we are doing it in a few days from now. It’s odd to me. We are all semi local so it’s not like we don’t get together at other times too.

Isn’t their solution pretty reasonable, though? If they’re willing to wait a few weeks so that everyone’s calendars synch up to celebrate the holiday, that seems pretty fair, no?

I guess, but now its just a family dinner, which we do semi regularly anyway. If they actually wanted to celebrate the holiday, why not take who you can get on a night of the actual holiday? It just seems rigid to me that they would only do it when every single last person could come. They are rigid in general so I'm sure that's clouding my judgement on the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your mom and 3 of 4 siblings all live with in the same region- or a weekend’s drive in your case? And this is the ONE time of year you can all get together? If you are going to be assigning “fault” (not that I agree it is anyone’s fault- but you obviously do) about this- the fault lies more with the sibling who moved to Seattle. Next in line would be YOU- who moved 4hrs away.

It isn’t your brother and SIL’s fault that siblings have moved away. Why should they have to be the ones to accommodate this? Ridiculous. They can see your mother anytime.

Why does everyone even have to get together at the SAME time? This is a control issue. Yuck!

My in-laws are like this. We are celebrating Hanukkah several weeks late this year because they wanted all three adult kids present at the same time, and although we could all celebrate during actual Hanukkah with them, none of us could do it the same night. So instead of celebrating during the actual holiday separately, we are doing it in a few days from now. It’s odd to me. We are all semi local so it’s not like we don’t get together at other times too.

That's odd that the three kids couldn't find one night out of eight to get together. Clearly not a priority.

Um, they did figure out a night, a little after Hanukkah. No big deal. They found a time that worked for everyone. Why is that not OK?

Several weeks late?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up staying at resorts on Christmas. I mentioned it to dh the other day how lovely it would be once the kids don’t believe anymore and he flipped out. I don’t think he even cares about seeing family he just knows it would upset his mom. I’m not sure why family on Christmas is such a big deal. I can remember sleigh rides in Colorado and beautifully decorated cities in Europe.

Similarly I’d like to take the kids on mini weekend trips for their birthdays instead of parties. But we’re not allowed because I have to host a big party and dinner for in-laws.

I think people get really weird about tradition and they use it like a bludgeon to make people submit to their will.

What holiday has meaning for you, and what is that meaning? To people who celebrate Christmas, being together with family is part of the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up staying at resorts on Christmas. I mentioned it to dh the other day how lovely it would be once the kids don’t believe anymore and he flipped out. I don’t think he even cares about seeing family he just knows it would upset his mom. I’m not sure why family on Christmas is such a big deal. I can remember sleigh rides in Colorado and beautifully decorated cities in Europe.

Similarly I’d like to take the kids on mini weekend trips for their birthdays instead of parties. But we’re not allowed because I have to host a big party and dinner for in-laws.

I think people get really weird about tradition and they use it like a bludgeon to make people submit to their will.

What holiday has meaning for you, and what is that meaning? To people who celebrate Christmas, being together with family is part of the point.

Worth noting many on this forum, this week especially, are loners, cranks estranged from their family, look down on extended family because they fled flyover country for DC, and often anti-religion and/or obsessively anti-Christian secularists. Rootless careerists who devalue extended family, faith, and traditions.

[Anonymous]

The only rigid ones are OP and possibly her mother. Imagine how horrible they are to SIL if they need a whole year to get used to the idea that they won't spend one dinner together because!!!!! they want to make memories and can travel during their kids' break!
Poor SIL brought it up so far ahead, knowing how horrible her ILS is. And OP came here, crafted a misleading title and keeps being a failure to launch after repeatedly being told that she is wrong.
OP has nothing better to do than rip SIL apart.

[Anonymous]

Grown-ass people with their own kids and jobs are not allowed to go on a Christmas vacation BCS OP is a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only rigid ones are OP and possibly her mother. Imagine how horrible they are to SIL if they need a whole year to get used to the idea that they won't spend one dinner together because!!!!! they want to make memories and can travel during their kids' break!
Poor SIL brought it up so far ahead, knowing how horrible her ILS is. And OP came here, crafted a misleading title and keeps being a failure to launch after repeatedly being told that she is wrong.
OP has nothing better to do than rip SIL apart.

Sure, sweet darling SIL just had to bring it up at Christmas a whole year ahead. I'm curious if she did it before or after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only rigid ones are OP and possibly her mother. Imagine how horrible they are to SIL if they need a whole year to get used to the idea that they won't spend one dinner together because!!!!! they want to make memories and can travel during their kids' break!
Poor SIL brought it up so far ahead, knowing how horrible her ILS is. And OP came here, crafted a misleading title and keeps being a failure to launch after repeatedly being told that she is wrong.
OP has nothing better to do than rip SIL apart.

Sure, sweet darling SIL just had to bring it up at Christmas a whole year ahead. I'm curious if she did it before or after dinner.

Lol why does the timing matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only rigid ones are OP and possibly her mother. Imagine how horrible they are to SIL if they need a whole year to get used to the idea that they won't spend one dinner together because!!!!! they want to make memories and can travel during their kids' break!
Poor SIL brought it up so far ahead, knowing how horrible her ILS is. And OP came here, crafted a misleading title and keeps being a failure to launch after repeatedly being told that she is wrong.
OP has nothing better to do than rip SIL apart.

Sure, sweet darling SIL just had to bring it up at Christmas a whole year ahead. I'm curious if she did it before or after dinner.

Lol why does the timing matter?

Because it spoils the mood. SIL could have waited until next fall to share the information. Why make her MIL have to think about a full year ahead of time? It’s honestly rather cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this out of line?

SIL told my mother this is the last Christmas or Christmas Eve (or even Christmas Eve Eve) she’ll see them and their two kids as they’re planning family vacations next year and moving forward.

This is a thing at the private school their kids go to, so they are dropping out of participating in Christmas with our family; a tradition going back 20 plus years of all of us getting together for Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve. Brother and SIL live near my mother, so no travel involved.

My mom was so sad. Can’t help but think how many more Christmases does she have left. They can’t go on their vacation a day or two later?

Public or private school is not relevant. The fact is when kids are off and when the parents do not have to use lots of personal time off to travel. Brother/SIL live near the mother. Where does OP live? Travel to mom for Xmas Eve and day? Flight, long drive, local or semi local? SIL had no relatives/parents/friends or did she have to placate OP family for over 20 years of Christmas?

Brother and SIL kids are in K-12. Guess what might happen when they are in college and are young adults for Thanksgiving and Christmas? We and other parents got the come home and have stuff locally to see their friends especially at Thanksgiving.

My kids go to private and it’s certainly a “thing” for the “cool” Catholic private school cliques to travel together and booze and spam all the photos on social media every school break.

Not at our catholic school. I guess we’re the poor ones, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up staying at resorts on Christmas. I mentioned it to dh the other day how lovely it would be once the kids don’t believe anymore and he flipped out. I don’t think he even cares about seeing family he just knows it would upset his mom. I’m not sure why family on Christmas is such a big deal. I can remember sleigh rides in Colorado and beautifully decorated cities in Europe.

Similarly I’d like to take the kids on mini weekend trips for their birthdays instead of parties. But we’re not allowed because I have to host a big party and dinner for in-laws.

I think people get really weird about tradition and they use it like a bludgeon to make people submit to their will.

What holiday has meaning for you, and what is that meaning? To people who celebrate Christmas, being together with family is part of the point.

Worth noting many on this forum, this week especially, are loners, cranks estranged from their family, look down on extended family because they fled flyover country for DC, and often anti-religion and/or obsessively anti-Christian secularists. Rootless careerists who devalue extended family, faith, and traditions.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Team SIL. Get the hell over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only rigid ones are OP and possibly her mother. Imagine how horrible they are to SIL if they need a whole year to get used to the idea that they won't spend one dinner together because!!!!! they want to make memories and can travel during their kids' break!
Poor SIL brought it up so far ahead, knowing how horrible her ILS is. And OP came here, crafted a misleading title and keeps being a failure to launch after repeatedly being told that she is wrong.
OP has nothing better to do than rip SIL apart.

Sure, sweet darling SIL just had to bring it up at Christmas a whole year ahead. I'm curious if she did it before or after dinner.

Lol why does the timing matter?

Because it spoils the mood. SIL could have waited until next fall to share the information. Why make her MIL have to think about a full year ahead of time? It’s honestly rather cruel.

Don't you understand there was never a perfect time to bring this up? OP would've been here in the fall pooping her pants that the plans were changed "so late in the year".

I still want to know when OP sees her in-laws.