Predict DW's response when I tell her I would like her to lose some weight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Yea, I am obese with 14% body fat.

NP. pp, I don’t know if you’re new here but people will accuse you of lying if you love your spouse or are happy with any aspect of yourself. I think you both sound healthy, and that’s coming from a very slim woman (that also gets told her 18.5 BMI is “ridiculously unhealthy” on these boards).


OP, I’d frame it in terms of health but I bet she knows. Just be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the record:
-- the gain I'm talking about increased her weight by 20-25% from her old normal
-- this is not baby weight. The last baby was 9 yars ago. The weight gaining has been only in the past couple years
-- I keep myself trim

1. It's a lot harder for women to lose weight compared to men. We don't have as much muscle (which burns fat), and the hormones, yes, even after 9 yrs after kids, makes it harder to lose the weight
2. What do you do so that she has time to go work out? Do you take over childcare, housechores, cooking, cleaning, so she can take some time for herself? You know that stress makes one gain weight, right?

I'm a size 2/4, and DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping. I wash up afterwards. I do most of the laundry, but he helps a lot. We have a house cleaner. My kids are now in HS/college.

All of this enables me to workout almost every night. I was able to lose 15 lbs.

When my kids were younger, I had no time to workout. Unsurprisingly, I was 15lbs overweight.

yup-this

[Anonymous]

We are all going to be overweight until we accept that we need less food as we age. I like eating too, and so, despite remaining in the 115-120 range at 5'6 for most of my life, I have gained 5-8 lbs in the last three years after turning 45. I exercise 5-6 days per week and avoid eating many unhealthy treats, but keep taking in too many calories to return to the weight I once was. When I commit to significantly reducing my intake on a permanent basis I will shed the pounds. Here in Belgium I know plenty of people who do not gain much as they age because they are willing to just eat less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are all going to be overweight until we accept that we need less food as we age. I like eating too, and so, despite remaining in the 115-120 range at 5'6 for most of my life, I have gained 5-8 lbs in the last three years after turning 45. I exercise 5-6 days per week and avoid eating many unhealthy treats, but keep taking in too many calories to return to the weight I once was. When I commit to significantly reducing my intake on a permanent basis I will shed the pounds. Here in Belgium I know plenty of people who do not gain much as they age because they are willing to just eat less.

Correct. Somehow Americans refuse to believe those most basic truth. They'll believe anything and everything about how weight gain and loss happens except for the most obvious, simple, and scientifically correct one: eating more calories than your body needs, which varies over time.

[Anonymous]

The bmi scale adjusts for age so women should use it and stay 22-24

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why foreign women are better (from that mega thread a few weeks ago)

You can be more honest with them and they won’t act a fool

OP, just be honest.

“Larla, you’ve gained weight. I’m concerned about how that affects your health and attractiveness. Let’s build a nutrition and fitness plan to get you back to your prior best”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

Imagine taking life advice from Dan Savage.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you survive Russian roulette?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Actually we are all full of s..t..including you "European" woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've gained about 15 pounds over the last few years. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm still a relatively slim woman, at 5'7 and 143 pounds, but I just feel...flabby and gross. My clothes are tight. And I can't seem to get ahold of myself and commit to eating better and exercising more. DH is super in shape. Trim, eats healthy just about always, and exercises regularly. He hasn't said anything and hasn't acted any different with me but when I mention really needing to get to the gym more he's responded like, "I will do whatever you need to get there just tell me" so I know he notices my weight gain and prefers my slimmer self. If he actually approached me explicitly about losing weight, maybe it would light a fire under me to actually do something about it. Yes, it would sting, but I'd know he was right. Not saying I want him to. But it might help spur me to action. So I feel you, OP, and maybe it would help, assuming you're generally a loving, kind, caring husband.

Why don't you eat the same healthy foods as your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

Imagine taking life advice from Dan Savage.

Dan Savage had made a career of giving life advice.
Imagine taking life advice from randos on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Look. Most people would still love their spouse and find them attractive if they gained weight. Just like most people would still love their kids and enjoy their company even if they didn’t achieve in school/sports/whatever.

I get that this wasn’t your experience. That you weren’t loved as a kid. That you didn’t love your husband of 20 years, and that you don’t love the man you are currently sleeping with. I get that you have chosen to surround yourself with friends who are cheating and screaming at each other in whatever relationship they are in.

But most people are like this guy. They love their spouse. They love their kids. And that’s just the end of it. It’s more or less unconditional.

I don’t you can generalize these things. Many people sure. I don’t think it holds true for most men. For many if not most “Love” is completely conditional on sexual attraction which is most often determined by physical appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Look. Most people would still love their spouse and find them attractive if they gained weight. Just like most people would still love their kids and enjoy their company even if they didn’t achieve in school/sports/whatever.

I get that this wasn’t your experience. That you weren’t loved as a kid. That you didn’t love your husband of 20 years, and that you don’t love the man you are currently sleeping with. I get that you have chosen to surround yourself with friends who are cheating and screaming at each other in whatever relationship they are in.

But most people are like this guy. They love their spouse. They love their kids. And that’s just the end of it. It’s more or less unconditional.

I don’t you can generalize these things. Many people sure. I don’t think it holds true for most men. For many if not most “Love” is completely conditional on sexual attraction which is most often determined by physical appearance.

My wife has gained 50%of her body weight. She was once 5'9" 140 and is now 210. Physically, she is a completely different person. She ate her way from being a marathon runner to someone who literally can't run due to her size.

I still love her but I am not sexually attracted to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Look. Most people would still love their spouse and find them attractive if they gained weight. Just like most people would still love their kids and enjoy their company even if they didn’t achieve in school/sports/whatever.

I get that this wasn’t your experience. That you weren’t loved as a kid. That you didn’t love your husband of 20 years, and that you don’t love the man you are currently sleeping with. I get that you have chosen to surround yourself with friends who are cheating and screaming at each other in whatever relationship they are in.

But most people are like this guy. They love their spouse. They love their kids. And that’s just the end of it. It’s more or less unconditional.

I don’t you can generalize these things. Many people sure. I don’t think it holds true for most men. For many if not most “Love” is completely conditional on sexual attraction which is most often determined by physical appearance.

My wife has gained 50%of her body weight. She was once 5'9" 140 and is now 210. Physically, she is a completely different person. She ate her way from being a marathon runner to someone who literally can't run due to her size.

I still love her but I am not sexually attracted to her.

No way that someone who could train to run for miles would let herself go like this. I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Look. Most people would still love their spouse and find them attractive if they gained weight. Just like most people would still love their kids and enjoy their company even if they didn’t achieve in school/sports/whatever.

I get that this wasn’t your experience. That you weren’t loved as a kid. That you didn’t love your husband of 20 years, and that you don’t love the man you are currently sleeping with. I get that you have chosen to surround yourself with friends who are cheating and screaming at each other in whatever relationship they are in.

But most people are like this guy. They love their spouse. They love their kids. And that’s just the end of it. It’s more or less unconditional.

I don’t you can generalize these things. Many people sure. I don’t think it holds true for most men. For many if not most “Love” is completely conditional on sexual attraction which is most often determined by physical appearance.

My wife has gained 50%of her body weight. She was once 5'9" 140 and is now 210. Physically, she is a completely different person. She ate her way from being a marathon runner to someone who literally can't run due to her size.

I still love her but I am not sexually attracted to her.

No way that someone who could train to run for miles would let herself go like this. I call troll.

Happens more than you would think. DH used to run ultras, but doesn’t run much now. He’s too busy with kids, work, house stuff. And his body is busted up from all the training. Went from 160 to 200.