Predict DW's response when I tell her I would like her to lose some weight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Cut the racist bullshite

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat

Hate to break it to you, but you obviously aren’t going to stay with him whatever he does. I mean, you’re in your 40’s, not married, and you have moved thousands of miles from your family of origin. There are probably reasons for this.
I don’t think you have any idea what long term healthy relationships look like or what it means to be in a loving, stable nuclear family where people don’t constantly pick on each other or threaten to leave.

[Anonymous]

DH has gained about 75 pounds since we got married. Doing marriage counseling and this is one of many things I really want to address but not sure how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Cut the racist bullshite

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat

Hate to break it to you, but you obviously aren’t going to stay with him whatever he does. I mean, you’re in your 40’s, not married, and you have moved thousands of miles from your family of origin. There are probably reasons for this.
I don’t think you have any idea what long term healthy relationships look like or what it means to be in a loving, stable nuclear family where people don’t constantly pick on each other or threaten to leave.

I moved my family of origin to join me in the US 2 years after I got citizenship. Wrong guess. But you are right in a sense that people who move to a new country are rarely from generations of fatties. Nobody in my family was ever overweight. Everyone was high achieving - men and women. My exH had weight gain issues. He was from a family overweight mother who was cheated on and abused by his father. I divorced him after 20 years of marriage and never looked back. Overweight people are often depressed and toxic . He also had low L.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Cut the racist bullshite

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat

Hate to break it to you, but you obviously aren’t going to stay with him whatever he does. I mean, you’re in your 40’s, not married, and you have moved thousands of miles from your family of origin. There are probably reasons for this.
I don’t think you have any idea what long term healthy relationships look like or what it means to be in a loving, stable nuclear family where people don’t constantly pick on each other or threaten to leave.

I moved my family of origin to join me in the US 2 years after I got citizenship. Wrong guess. But you are right in a sense that people who move to a new country are rarely from generations of fatties. Nobody in my family was ever overweight. Everyone was high achieving - men and women. My exH had weight gain issues. He was from a family overweight mother who was cheated on and abused by his father. I divorced him after 20 years of marriage and never looked back. Overweight people are often depressed and toxic . He also had low L.

I’m sorry that you haven’t had the chance to be in a loving long term relationship with anyone in your life, pp. It sounds like your parents only value you for what you can achieve, and not for just being yourself. Your 20 year marriage sounds like it was full of animosity, and you weren’t loved or valued there either. And now you are with a boyfriend who will leave or knows you will leave him.

I hope that you figure something out and things get better for you. It sounds like you have a lot going for you.

[Anonymous]

As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

[Anonymous]

I sense that the OP is focused 0% on DW’s health and 100% on how attractive she is to him. He would be just as unhappy with her if she had bulked up for a sport.

https://eagles.rugby/womens-eagles

So OP, unless you have real evidence that she is imperiling her health, back off. Her weight is not for you to influence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

Cut the racist bullshite

DP

I have an Italian gf and she straight up tells me if I’m getting a bit puffy in my midsection

She’ll poke / pinch and say:

“La Pancia” and shake her head

I’m foreign born and always tell my American BF that he’s got lazy when I see his belly getting pregnant. I’m thin with 27 inches mid section in my 40s. No tolerance to extra fat there. It made him work out and eat less. He knows I won’t stay with him if he gets fat

Hate to break it to you, but you obviously aren’t going to stay with him whatever he does. I mean, you’re in your 40’s, not married, and you have moved thousands of miles from your family of origin. There are probably reasons for this.
I don’t think you have any idea what long term healthy relationships look like or what it means to be in a loving, stable nuclear family where people don’t constantly pick on each other or threaten to leave.

I moved my family of origin to join me in the US 2 years after I got citizenship. Wrong guess. But you are right in a sense that people who move to a new country are rarely from generations of fatties. Nobody in my family was ever overweight. Everyone was high achieving - men and women. My exH had weight gain issues. He was from a family overweight mother who was cheated on and abused by his father. I divorced him after 20 years of marriage and never looked back. Overweight people are often depressed and toxic . He also had low L.

I’m sorry that you haven’t had the chance to be in a loving long term relationship with anyone in your life, pp. It sounds like your parents only value you for what you can achieve, and not for just being yourself. Your 20 year marriage sounds like it was full of animosity, and you weren’t loved or valued there either. And now you are with a boyfriend who will leave or knows you will leave him.

I hope that you figure something out and things get better for you. It sounds like you have a lot going for you.

You know zero about me my parents and yet jump into conclusions. Yea, of course all overweight people remain such as their partners love them as is. They don’t argue, take antidepressants or stay in marriages just for kids.

You know it’s all untrue. Being overweight reduces libido for you and your partner desire to have sex with you. It’s proven long time ago. These marriages are full of resentment. You can tell yourself otherwise but it’s just the way it is. In American couples I know where wives are fat, husbands cheat, everyone screams at each other etc. Nobody gets happier when partner lets themselves go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

[Anonymous]

I’ve gained 30 lbs in 15 years of marriage. Used to be an athlete. Now I’m at a computer day and night.

Been very unhappy and trying to lose weight; DH says nothing beyond that he knows I’ll be happier when I get my weight back under control. I’d say he is quietly supportive, which I appreciate. His response is ideal IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Look. Most people would still love their spouse and find them attractive if they gained weight. Just like most people would still love their kids and enjoy their company even if they didn’t achieve in school/sports/whatever.

I get that this wasn’t your experience. That you weren’t loved as a kid. That you didn’t love your husband of 20 years, and that you don’t love the man you are currently sleeping with. I get that you have chosen to surround yourself with friends who are cheating and screaming at each other in whatever relationship they are in.

But most people are like this guy. They love their spouse. They love their kids. And that’s just the end of it. It’s more or less unconditional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she gained that much, I would frame the request as a medical consult, OP. This is serious.

Very often, in middle age, people become hypothyroid. Symptoms are weight gain and fatigue. They need thyroid supplementation in the form of daily pills.

So she needs bloodwork for thyroid hormones, but while she's there, she might as well have the CBC panel, just in case she's anemic or has other issues. The doctor can check her blood pressure and cholesterol, for example, and will be able to discuss diet and exercise more pointedly with those numbers.

Np. I would see through your " concern" and know you only cared about my appearance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I can’t imagine why I would need to bring this up? Is she really less attractive?
Passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says.

This

Both quotes are likely written by women - try persuade yourself that’s true. Life will show you it’s not. Spouses are only happy if both are overweight but not when one person is into workouts and health and the other eats bags of chips. These are not compatible

I am the poster that says passion for my wife runs a lot deeper than what a scale says. I am a guy 6’4” 245 and hover around 10-15% body fat. I workout in some form 5-6 days a week. My wife is 5’3” was 125-130 when we we met. She is currently 155-165, and at one point she was over 200lbs. Not for 1 sec has my desire for her ever dipped. She is a beautiful woman. I just want her to be healthy and comfortable that number isn’t for me to decide. So “These” are compatible.

What you wrote just proves my point. You have 29 BMI overweight ; your wife 28.4 also overweight (was obese when over 200). People tend to find attractive what’s close by looks to themselves

I don’t think if you were 6’4 180lbs you would find a 200lbs woman anywhere near attractive

Yea, I am obese with 14% body fat.