Anyone else lose their groove during Covid with young kids and still not have it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yes, thank you, I was coming to post this. All of these things were issues before the pandemic and they are issues after.

I'm not sure why everyone blames the pandemic for everything that's wrong with life.

Is "everyone" blaming the pandemic for "everything" that is wrong with life? Is that something people are doing in this thread? Examples please.

I'm not discounting that Covid was hard. It was, and it was harder for some than others. But raising kids and balancing family needs vs work etc was always hard pre Covid and continued to be hard today. So it's hard to tease out what was caused by Covid and what is just caused by life. And now Covid shutdown was a few years in the past, I think it's time to really start examining factors other than Covid if people are currently suffering.

What's happening with OP and others who feel similarly is that their mental health has not recovered from Covid. Covid affected all of our mental health. Most have rebounded in that regard. For those who haven't, it's not that they had it the hardest during covid; it's more likely that their mental health was poorer to begin with or their brains were literally less well calibrated to handle it and bounce back. It tracks with what OP is saying about having unsupportive parents -- that kind of childhood affects how your brain develops. The inertia, lethargy, indecision, anxiousness, and hopelessness she is describing...she hasn't lost her groove or in a funk because she had no childcare for X amount of months; her mental health is suffering, and that does, in a way, track back to Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yes, thank you, I was coming to post this. All of these things were issues before the pandemic and they are issues after.

I'm not sure why everyone blames the pandemic for everything that's wrong with life.

Is "everyone" blaming the pandemic for "everything" that is wrong with life? Is that something people are doing in this thread? Examples please.

I'm not discounting that Covid was hard. It was, and it was harder for some than others. But raising kids and balancing family needs vs work etc was always hard pre Covid and continued to be hard today. So it's hard to tease out what was caused by Covid and what is just caused by life. And now Covid shutdown was a few years in the past, I think it's time to really start examining factors other than Covid if people are currently suffering.

What's happening with OP and others who feel similarly is that their mental health has not recovered from Covid. Covid affected all of our mental health. Most have rebounded in that regard. For those who haven't, it's not that they had it the hardest during covid; it's more likely that their mental health was poorer to begin with or their brains were literally less well calibrated to handle it and bounce back. It tracks with what OP is saying about having unsupportive parents -- that kind of childhood affects how your brain develops. The inertia, lethargy, indecision, anxiousness, and hopelessness she is describing...she hasn't lost her groove or in a funk because she had no childcare for X amount of months; her mental health is suffering, and that does, in a way, track back to Covid.

Yes and public health messaging convinced a lot of people (not just OP) that they needed to isolate so much longer than they did. By OP's own admission they holed up for 2 years. We started seeing friends and family outdoors almost immediately and indoors by that winter when outdoors wasn't a good option any more. We all knew we were taking a risk but all decided it was worth it. DH and I got vaccinated pretty early in 2021 because we found out about a place giving out doses to anyone at the end of the night. We hopped a plane to Florida with our kids for spring break and went to Universal (when it was still masked for everyone) and had a marvelous. I literally cried tears of joy to be on that trip and while obviously there were moments of Covid stress after that, it was the turning point for me that we had made it through the worse and were NOT going back to the way things were before. My kids also went to hybrid school that spring and I saw their prior personalities snap right back. By Fall of 2021 anyone who wanted in person school/daycare could have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yes, thank you, I was coming to post this. All of these things were issues before the pandemic and they are issues after.

I'm not sure why everyone blames the pandemic for everything that's wrong with life.

Is "everyone" blaming the pandemic for "everything" that is wrong with life? Is that something people are doing in this thread? Examples please.

I'm not discounting that Covid was hard. It was, and it was harder for some than others. But raising kids and balancing family needs vs work etc was always hard pre Covid and continued to be hard today. So it's hard to tease out what was caused by Covid and what is just caused by life. And now Covid shutdown was a few years in the past, I think it's time to really start examining factors other than Covid if people are currently suffering.

What's happening with OP and others who feel similarly is that their mental health has not recovered from Covid. Covid affected all of our mental health. Most have rebounded in that regard. For those who haven't, it's not that they had it the hardest during covid; it's more likely that their mental health was poorer to begin with or their brains were literally less well calibrated to handle it and bounce back. It tracks with what OP is saying about having unsupportive parents -- that kind of childhood affects how your brain develops. The inertia, lethargy, indecision, anxiousness, and hopelessness she is describing...she hasn't lost her groove or in a funk because she had no childcare for X amount of months; her mental health is suffering, and that does, in a way, track back to Covid.

DP. I don't disagree but you seem to be implying that OP's mental health is unusual - the national statistics about skyrocketing anxiety and depression (42%), as well as burnout (40-98%), across every age and demographic and especially in younger adults, in the country shows that you are the one who is in the minority. Good for you! That's great! But don't assume that everyone else is like you. Because, mostly, we're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yes, thank you, I was coming to post this. All of these things were issues before the pandemic and they are issues after.

I'm not sure why everyone blames the pandemic for everything that's wrong with life.

Is "everyone" blaming the pandemic for "everything" that is wrong with life? Is that something people are doing in this thread? Examples please.

I'm not discounting that Covid was hard. It was, and it was harder for some than others. But raising kids and balancing family needs vs work etc was always hard pre Covid and continued to be hard today. So it's hard to tease out what was caused by Covid and what is just caused by life. And now Covid shutdown was a few years in the past, I think it's time to really start examining factors other than Covid if people are currently suffering.

What's happening with OP and others who feel similarly is that their mental health has not recovered from Covid. Covid affected all of our mental health. Most have rebounded in that regard. For those who haven't, it's not that they had it the hardest during covid; it's more likely that their mental health was poorer to begin with or their brains were literally less well calibrated to handle it and bounce back. It tracks with what OP is saying about having unsupportive parents -- that kind of childhood affects how your brain develops. The inertia, lethargy, indecision, anxiousness, and hopelessness she is describing...she hasn't lost her groove or in a funk because she had no childcare for X amount of months; her mental health is suffering, and that does, in a way, track back to Covid.

DP. I don't disagree but you seem to be implying that OP's mental health is unusual - the national statistics about skyrocketing anxiety and depression (42%), as well as burnout (40-98%), across every age and demographic and especially in younger adults, in the country shows that you are the one who is in the minority. Good for you! That's great! But don't assume that everyone else is like you. Because, mostly, we're not.

Your numbers are exaggerated. According to NAMI its 8% depression and 19% anxiety (and I'm guessing some overlap there.)
https://www.nami.org/mhstats#:~:text=Major%20Depressive%20Episode%3A%208.3%25,Anxiety%20Disorders%3A%2019.1%25

Johns Hopkinds has similar numbers. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/mental-health-disorder-statistics#:~:text=Approximately%209.5%25%20of%20American%20adults,likely%20to%20develop%20bipolar%20disorder.

The fraction of adults with a mental health disorder of any kind is 1 in 4. Again your numbers are way high.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Almost all foods give me a migraine. My life has never been the same since April 2021. And parents died too.

[Anonymous]

If you were lucky enough to recover from COVID stress or got through with help, just be grateful. Don’t gaslight those people who are struggling.

OP rather than this thread, which is full of gaslighting, consider subscribing to: https://www.thedoubleshift.com/. It’s $7 per month. She’s so honest about these topics and I’m glad I support her. There are also member only Zoom chats (I’ve never been but they sound interesting).

There are people out there trying to have a real conversation, but not here. Anominity is a great excuse for cruelty apparently

[Anonymous]

During August 2020–February 2021, the percentage of adults with recent symptoms of an anxiety or a depressive disorder increased from 36.4% to 41.5%

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7013e2.htm

Rates of anxiety and depression among U.S. adults were about 4 times higher between April 2020 and August 2021 than they were in 2019. Some of the sharpest increases were among males, Asian Americans, young adults, and parents with children in the home, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data.

Anxiety
7.4% – 8.6%
Range of average monthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of anxiety, January–December 2019 1

28.2% – 37.2%
Range of average submonthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of anxiety, April 2020–August 2021 2

Depression
5.9% – 7.5%
Range of average monthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of depression, January–December 2019 1

20.2% – 31.1%
Range of average submonthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of depression, April 2020–August 2021 2

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/11/numbers-depression-anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yes, thank you, I was coming to post this. All of these things were issues before the pandemic and they are issues after.

I'm not sure why everyone blames the pandemic for everything that's wrong with life.

Is "everyone" blaming the pandemic for "everything" that is wrong with life? Is that something people are doing in this thread? Examples please.

I'm not discounting that Covid was hard. It was, and it was harder for some than others. But raising kids and balancing family needs vs work etc was always hard pre Covid and continued to be hard today. So it's hard to tease out what was caused by Covid and what is just caused by life. And now Covid shutdown was a few years in the past, I think it's time to really start examining factors other than Covid if people are currently suffering.

What's happening with OP and others who feel similarly is that their mental health has not recovered from Covid. Covid affected all of our mental health. Most have rebounded in that regard. For those who haven't, it's not that they had it the hardest during covid; it's more likely that their mental health was poorer to begin with or their brains were literally less well calibrated to handle it and bounce back. It tracks with what OP is saying about having unsupportive parents -- that kind of childhood affects how your brain develops. The inertia, lethargy, indecision, anxiousness, and hopelessness she is describing...she hasn't lost her groove or in a funk because she had no childcare for X amount of months; her mental health is suffering, and that does, in a way, track back to Covid.

Yes and public health messaging convinced a lot of people (not just OP) that they needed to isolate so much longer than they did. By OP's own admission they holed up for 2 years. We started seeing friends and family outdoors almost immediately and indoors by that winter when outdoors wasn't a good option any more. We all knew we were taking a risk but all decided it was worth it. DH and I got vaccinated pretty early in 2021 because we found out about a place giving out doses to anyone at the end of the night. We hopped a plane to Florida with our kids for spring break and went to Universal (when it was still masked for everyone) and had a marvelous. I literally cried tears of joy to be on that trip and while obviously there were moments of Covid stress after that, it was the turning point for me that we had made it through the worse and were NOT going back to the way things were before. My kids also went to hybrid school that spring and I saw their prior personalities snap right back. By Fall of 2021 anyone who wanted in person school/daycare could have it.

I don’t think public messaging suggested that we should isolate for 2 years at all.

We were told we could be outside safely in 2020. Our family were very good maskers inside and out.

Some people who were probably introverts or have anxiety stayed to themselves much longer than they needed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

During August 2020–February 2021, the percentage of adults with recent symptoms of an anxiety or a depressive disorder increased from 36.4% to 41.5%

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7013e2.htm

Rates of anxiety and depression among U.S. adults were about 4 times higher between April 2020 and August 2021 than they were in 2019. Some of the sharpest increases were among males, Asian Americans, young adults, and parents with children in the home, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data.

Anxiety
7.4% – 8.6%
Range of average monthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of anxiety, January–December 2019 1

28.2% – 37.2%
Range of average submonthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of anxiety, April 2020–August 2021 2

Depression
5.9% – 7.5%
Range of average monthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of depression, January–December 2019 1

20.2% – 31.1%
Range of average submonthly percentages of U.S. adults reporting symptoms of depression, April 2020–August 2021 2

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/11/numbers-depression-anxiety

That was during the height of the pandemic. No data suggests these high numbers have been sustained, as you are trying to imply.

[Anonymous]

My kids were 8 and 11 when the world shut down, and I’ve said many times how thankful I was they were that age. They were old enough to be reasonably self sufficient, but young enough to not be missing some major milestone events. And still… still… it was so hard and the effects linger
I can’t imagine dealing with toddlers during the COVID years.
I don’t know why some people are being so crappy about that.
It did change things, and people trying to minimize that make it so much worse.
This is a silly example, but it still pissed me off:
I’m a Girl Scout leader and our service unit for years had girl-led camping trips. Well most of our older girls didn’t come back after COVID. So the first camping trip was more adult let than usual because we just didn’t have older girls around who had been through the leadership development. And for my girls in 4th grade it was their first camping trip because they were supposed to go for the first time in April 2020.
And some old-time leader has the Gaul to complain about the fact that the girls were so clueless last year and she was so disappointed in what our local troops “had become” and “immature” the girls all seemed. You know? They weren’t immature. They were inexperienced because of a global pandemic.
It took all my self control not to lash out at her.
And those small little things happen all the flipping time. And again - that’s with kids who really were the ideal age to be stuck at home! I’m sure it’s even more pronounced with younger kids.

So… no advice, just empathy OP. What you’re feeling is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! For us the cost of living has been really hard on us. I am documenter and avid mint user and pre pandemic we spent so much less money on groceries (like 32 percent less!), clothes, and children’s activities (violin is now double and daycare is 19 percent more). We aren’t your average DCUM family that “only” makes 500k, we are a family of 5 on 190k and it’s very tight. I think this part of things really prevents me from getting organized as I am spending wayyyy more time than I use to shopping for deals, looking for side hustles and doing things like packing lunches and washing my car and other small things I use to be able to throw 5-12 bucks at. It’s just really something I don’t see much on this board but it’s rocking our entire world!

OP again and I hadn't though about this, but actually this resonates. We aren't broke by any means, but I do think the rising costs of everything contribute a bit to this feeling. I find myself choosing not to do certain things (build a pergola in the back yard, sign up for Orange Theory, take certain vacations) because the costs are 30-50% higher than they used to be, and I'll think "that's money out of the college account." Like you, we're not in that upper echelon of earners (around 160k, though only one kid). I feel like we need to be thoughtful about how we spend, and that's gotten harder as everything costs more than it used to.

One of the things I'm stuck on is whether I should try to increase in my income, even though it would mean less flexibility for the family. I go back and forth on it a lot. Every time I think "yes, definitely, I should do this," something happens with our kid or with our family that makes me think, "oh thank god I have so much flexibility so we aren't totally screwed right now." It feels like there's no right answer.

OP, I’m sorry but you sound like the biggest complainer ever. Go on a vacation. Join Orangetheory. Sign your kid up for soccer. Join the pta. You sound really depressing. Stop making excuses and just start doing things that make you happy. Sheesh. It would be pretty easy to get your groove back. I love OTF. I like going on vacations.

I don’t necessarily think your window to have a kid has closed but that is your own choice. You could always foster or adopt.

[Anonymous]

I'm still trying to recover from the f**kery that was 2016 and subsequent nightmarish years.

[Anonymous]

If I just didn't feel like I got the flu every week of my F-ing life since 2021, I could get my groove back. If I didn't have children, I would have committed suicide already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I just didn't feel like I got the flu every week of my F-ing life since 2021, I could get my groove back. If I didn't have children, I would have committed suicide already.

Hugs. Your children love and value you. So do others - you matter too.

[Anonymous]

Man y’all wouldn’t have lasted a week in the Dust Bowl or heck even in WWII with the rationing. Are there challenges today, sure but man life is good. Cancer death rates are dropping, we have access to all the art and information in the world, we have entertainment at our fingertips, we can eat food from all over the world. You really have to choose to glass half empty things. If you expect things to be miserable, they will be. Get over the pergola for god sake. Say it out loud to see how just ridiculous it sounds.