Anyone else lose their groove during Covid with young kids and still not have it back?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I was a SAHM to little kids and always had daily activities including family activities on the weekend all planned out. Then covid did something and I just had NO DESIRE to do anything anymore and preferred using my device/social media, like I had become addicted. I ended up taking a temp job for a year which just ended and I'm sort of back in SAHM mode but it's just not at the initial level.

[Anonymous]

I relate so strongly to this whole thread. I just wish the “have another kid” poster didn’t stop by because that is very painful to hear after losing a second child to a miscarriage and now being over 40 and not wanting to risk it again. I really feel like if not for COVID we would have tried sooner and had more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I relate so strongly to this whole thread. I just wish the “have another kid” poster didn’t stop by because that is very painful to hear after losing a second child to a miscarriage and now being over 40 and not wanting to risk it again. I really feel like if not for COVID we would have tried sooner and had more time.

OP here and I really feel this. I try not to dwell on it and many days that's not a problem because honestly I have my hands full with one kid. But I can't pretend I don't think about it sometimes and feel that loss. I feel like the year and a half after the onset of Covid were just kind of lost to the pandemic, and it just happened to hit at this critical juncture for me and my family. It is taking some time to let go of what life might be like were it not for that change of events.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Older two were in K and 2nd when everything shut down; thankfully the youngest was in preschool and that opened up more quickly than the public schools did. I've also struggled with lack of family support and the realization of how much contempt American society has for working mothers, in particular. I kind of knew that before, but damn - now I REALLY know that.

And I do all the real self-care things: exercise, meditation, maintaining close relationships. I have a cynicism now that I wish I didn't, but it's hard to ignore reality.

[Anonymous]

As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is emotional burnout. You are still recovering. It's ok, but at this point I would start looking for outside help.

The PP who suggested a low dose anti-depressant has good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Yeah but the pandemic shook up the delicate balance we had to manage. My kids’ preschool closed for a while and then drastically cut hours to put kids in cohorts when they reopened. Then instead of the usual burning through PTO for routine illnesses, we were all hemorrhaging leave for 10 day quarantines often while our kids were perfectly healthy. Or if we were “lucky” told we could catch up on work at night, which isn’t really sustainable. The icing on the cake was the total shutdown of places like playgrounds so we were truly stuck at home going crazy, no play dates, no mom group meetups, etc.

So not only did we not have support, but we also had societal factors coming together to make things even harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

I think if you didn't have the experience during that first year of taking care of a child under age 4 or 5 (or multiple kids under that age) while also trying to manage your own job, and general stress over the pandemic itself, you might not get it. Like yes, we've never had good support for families in this country. But when your kids were small, could you take them to a playground? Because playgrounds near me were closed for 4 months after Covid started. Could you pay a daycare to take care of your kid while you worked? Because our daycare closed during Covid and it took us months to get a spot in another one and when we did, their hours were 10am to 3:30pm due to staffing and social distancing requirements.

You didn't have kids who relied on you for 100% of everything during Covid. That's why you're confused. You probably had to deal with virtual schooling and being stir crazy, I'm sure it wasn't easy. But you weren't trying to hold down a job while figuring out how to care for a 2 or 3 year old 24/7 with no support at all even support you could pay for. It's a totally different thing.

There's not being supported generally and then there's what happened during Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Mmm, pretty sure my young school-aged kids could attend school before the pandemic. Suddenly, school became not only optional, but something no decent parent had a right to expect. As PPs have said, you weren't dealing with young kids during the pandemic - just as I don't know what it was like to parent teens during that time period, you don't know what it was like to parent toddlers or preschoolers or kindergartners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Mmm, pretty sure my young school-aged kids could attend school before the pandemic. Suddenly, school became not only optional, but something no decent parent had a right to expect. As PPs have said, you weren't dealing with young kids during the pandemic - just as I don't know what it was like to parent teens during that time period, you don't know what it was like to parent toddlers or preschoolers or kindergartners.

They were in elementary. But I just find this whole younger generation of parents SO effing whiny. Everything is unfair and harder for them than everyone else. Blah blah blah. Deal with it.

NP. If it helps, I'm old. Had my kids in my 40s and they were 4 and 7 when the pandemic hit. Agree with the PPs, it's one thing not to have family support, which we've never had, but it's quite another when all the societal supports (e.g,. playgrounds, daycares, schools, neighbors, etc.) disappear as well. Trying to work while parenting young children was one of the hardest times of my life (and I've had some really hard times! including multiple emergency surgeries). I immediately gained -- and have kept -- 50 lbs on my already overweight body. As the subject line says, I have not gotten my groove back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Mmm, pretty sure my young school-aged kids could attend school before the pandemic. Suddenly, school became not only optional, but something no decent parent had a right to expect. As PPs have said, you weren't dealing with young kids during the pandemic - just as I don't know what it was like to parent teens during that time period, you don't know what it was like to parent toddlers or preschoolers or kindergartners.

They were in elementary. But I just find this whole younger generation of parents SO effing whiny. Everything is unfair and harder for them than everyone else. Blah blah blah. Deal with it.

What previous generation of living parents experienced anything even remotely like covid?

I know the boomer wont is to put your head in the sand and pretend that all is well. I guess that’s the generational difference.

[Anonymous]

I think you are describing parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Mmm, pretty sure my young school-aged kids could attend school before the pandemic. Suddenly, school became not only optional, but something no decent parent had a right to expect. As PPs have said, you weren't dealing with young kids during the pandemic - just as I don't know what it was like to parent teens during that time period, you don't know what it was like to parent toddlers or preschoolers or kindergartners.

They were in elementary. But I just find this whole younger generation of parents SO effing whiny. Everything is unfair and harder for them than everyone else. Blah blah blah. Deal with it.

What previous generation of living parents experienced anything even remotely like covid?

I know the boomer wont is to put your head in the sand and pretend that all is well. I guess that’s the generational difference.

You’re right of course. No one in the history of the world has a harder, more unfair life than you do. /s

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for writing about your feelings and I’m sorry people are being rude. I can relate a little and don’t talk about it in real life because it seems most people are fine now, and honestly seemed to handle it better during the worst of the isolation too. I am not going to argue it’s the worst thing ever but for me, I struggled badly and still don’t feel like myself. I don’t know whether it’s because of my specific circumstances (kid with SN who really really struggled during 2020-2021 and I felt like a failure for not being able to help them more), my general life long anxiety (and yes I’ve been in therapy about half my adult life) or something else. We didn’t have a pod during the pandemic and we were *really* isolated. My kids didn’t interact with almost anyone aside from our immediate family for more than 6 months, then still pretty isolated until vaccinations came out. It was miserable. I have a child who is also going into K this year and he struggled with separation anxiety and school refusal when he finally went back to daycare to the point we had to get professional help. It’s better now but it was really bad for a while. I find it hard to believe my kids are ok. That’s probably the anxiety talking and I may have to try medication again because therapy is just not doing it.

I know WAH 95 percent of the time and I dislike it. My work just doesn’t have the same in person options as before the pandemic. I feel like I should be glad because it helps me keep my kids day short but it is not great for my mental or physical health. I’ve looked into a few alternatives but they would all be remote as well. I am sure I would feel better if I did other social things but I am the primary parent and have not figured out how to fit it in. So some of the difference is my life is different now and I’m not adapting well to it. I KNOW I need to make more changes. I’m just tired and stuck sort of how you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of older kids, I'm confused why everyone things the pandemic told them something new. Yes the pandemic sucked but we weren't supported before the pandemic either.

Mmm, pretty sure my young school-aged kids could attend school before the pandemic. Suddenly, school became not only optional, but something no decent parent had a right to expect. As PPs have said, you weren't dealing with young kids during the pandemic - just as I don't know what it was like to parent teens during that time period, you don't know what it was like to parent toddlers or preschoolers or kindergartners.

They were in elementary. But I just find this whole younger generation of parents SO effing whiny. Everything is unfair and harder for them than everyone else. Blah blah blah. Deal with it.

And yet here you are, mingling with us.