Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.




I know but DCUM parents won’t admit to that bc it’s their parenting style.



Parents are worried because they know their children will have to fight to achieve even a middle-class lifestyle. It is a fight for dwindling resources and concern for their children’s future. The tension around competition is draining and kids burn out. They lack freshness and optimism because they know more of the same awaits them.
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
[/b]Blames[b] other minors for social media issues[b]
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.





Interesting wording there. How about teach your kid to be sensitive to others feelings.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.




I know but DCUM parents won’t admit to that bc it’s their parenting style.


Exactly. Especially blaming others

Other teens, teachers, coaches, friends, friend’s parents, neighbors, even objects like a phone.

Anyone but themselves
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.




I know but DCUM parents won’t admit to that bc it’s their parenting style.


Exactly. Especially blaming others

Other teens, teachers, coaches, friends, friend’s parents, neighbors, even objects like a phone.

Anyone but themselves



Teens all over the country at all different socioeconomic levels are suffering from depression and anxiety at alarming rates, and apparently the parents on DCUM made them all that way?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
[/b]Blames[b] other minors for social media issues[b]
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.





Interesting wording there. How about teach your kid to be sensitive to others feelings.


LOL

You once again proved their point. Now you decided this anonymous person’s children are not sensitive to others feelings. You decided that on your own and are judging. So you just blamed imaginary teens on your shortcomings as a parent.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.




I know but DCUM parents won’t admit to that bc it’s their parenting style.


Exactly. Especially blaming others

Other teens, teachers, coaches, friends, friend’s parents, neighbors, even objects like a phone.

Anyone but themselves



Teens all over the country at all different socioeconomic levels are suffering from depression and anxiety at alarming rates, and apparently the parents on DCUM made them all that way?


And parents across this country have blamed everyone else over their own kids or themselves.

Have you not seen how teachers are now treated by students and parents? How about coaches or any other adult?

Zero self responsibility.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
[/b]Blames[b] other minors for social media issues[b]
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.





Interesting wording there. How about teach your kid to be sensitive to others feelings.


Who said her kids aren't sensitive to others feelings? You?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.


Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.


Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?


DP. Yes. Around here, academics are the competitive sport. Elsewhere, your looks and what sports you do are what matter.


Dc area schools one up this entirely because your Identity Labels are what make you cool and popular, not your grades, athletic skills or having both.

Totally opposite in the other 98% of the country.
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Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.



This exactly! Also kids aren't allowed to just be kids anymore

yea, my 16 yr old DS would much rather be out with friends than playing video games, but so many teens would rather stay home and play video games. Hello, future incel in the making.

My 13 yr old DD and I chat a lot about instagram, social media, and how fake they are, kind of like how before social media, girls had to be aware that all of those pictures of models were heavily airbrushed.

IMO, kids who are more engaged socially with other kids, do fun activities outside of the home, and have a good relationship with their parents are those who are better adjusted. It can't be all work, and no play. And I say this as a parent of a magnet student.


Yeah I think this is what I don't understand about screens is why kids now prefer them over being with friends in a person. Don't get me wrong, video games are fun, I played them, but I wouldn't say I preferred them. Growing up, you couldn't keep me inside.


Because we taught them that the endless quest for the perfect customization (aka the world adapting to you) is a good thing. You see, real people might have their own ideas and be imperfect and annoying, and sometimes not reacting the way we want them too. People are not used to the give and take of human relationships anymore


So true
Anonymous
So much blame the parents on this thread!

I have 3 teens. My oldest is convinced that bc of global warming we are all doomed. Not a message I’ve relayed but one he’s picked up from the news and social media. My younger 2 (twins) are somewhat socially arrested bc of COVID isolation (my husband was extremely worried about COVID so we limited their social activities for 2’years)

Are they sad? I think yes. Abnormally so, I hope not. Is it me? Maybe…? I honestly don’t know. All I know is I love my kids and I try my best. I think most parents do.

IMO, stop blaming parents. Our world is a bit of a mess and the news cycle (absorbed through tick tock or network news) is relentless is domesday coverage. We are emerging from a 2 year pandemic. It’s not easy for anyone other than COVID deniers. Who, honestly, may have been right but how could we have known?

Anonymous
Well all this over analysis of the teen psyche fits right in with the parenting inadequacies you all are railing against. LOL Depression was the hallmark of my generation (x) and patents just blamed it on the music and didn’t give it a second thought.
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Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.


Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.


Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?


DP. Yes. Around here, academics are the competitive sport. Elsewhere, your looks and what sports you do are what matter.


Dc area schools one up this entirely because your Identity Labels are what make you cool and popular, not your grades, athletic skills or having both.

Totally opposite in the other 98% of the country.


Nice anti-lgbtq comment in there.
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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.


Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.


This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.


First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.


Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.


+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.


Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.





+1 What teens need and mostly lack is autonomy. And it starts at an early age. They need to be out in the world with friends, making their own choices about ECs, working a part-time job. Generally making their own decisions and figuring out (with parent support) how to deal with the consequences.
Anonymous
I wish it were as simple as just sending them out to hang out with their friends. But there has to be a critical mass of other kids who want to get together in person for this to work. This article from 2017 delves into why this just isn’t happening like it did when we were teens. (And even when they do get together now, they’re often all staring at their phones anyway.)

Has the Smartphone Destroyed a Generation
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/

And this was 2017. The pandemic was gasoline on an already smoldering issue.
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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow


Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.


What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.


I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL


I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.


Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!


Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise



I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?


And THIS comment. This one right here is EVERYTHING wrong with this generation's parenting. You are blaming teens that spent a night socializing without phones and may or may not repost some digital pictures the next day - as a horrible thing. And you also blamed the mom hosting these events.

And newsflash - I can absolutely handle feeling left out and have parented my kids to understand it happens all of the time too. Stop coddling your kids while judging others. Your kids will grow up to be just like you. Sad, judging, and always the victim. Raise your kids to be resilient and make their own fun, instead of blaming a mom who offers some fun to her daughter and a few friends.




No, I agree with the PP. I guarantee the DD of the poster who hosts these (otherwise excellent) get-togethers flaunts it. Asks all her friends to tag her on social media and do some hashtag. I bet the DD enjoys the likes and comments the next day even more than the party itself. That’s the only reason she walks around the party like a damn paparazzi instead of… actually participating in the party.

Having a party talked about at school the next day is completely different from having all the pictures in your feed so you can look at them over and over again, having them pop back up at the top of the feed every time someone comments on it, etc. I personally have not experienced it (and have young pre-social media kids) but I can imagine how it would be devastating. Yes, a smart teen with self-control will turn off notifications, unfollow or quit social media altogether. But it’s easier said than done with these developing hormone-filled kids. No, not everyone has to be invited to your party, but you don’t have to flaunt it FFS. Teach your kids some empathy.
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