I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Statistically, child care centers are safer than in-home daycares or in-home care. This is because there are simply more people around so abuse is less likely to happen. Also, if a child becomes unmanageable, there are alternate people to pass the child off to so no single individual becomes too stressed (and ends up shaking or hitting the child).

It could be that another daycare could also be an option. I tried the nanny route and could not find the wonderful nannies that others glowed about. I tired two different nannies and others who I know who have nannies have noted the challenges. My child is at daycare and we are much happier. We were extremely selective about the daycare. We made sure that there were proper ratios of children/adults, the providers had education in early children development, and they had a positive childgiving approach that mirrored our own. We inquired about how they disciplined children, and their diaper-changing schedules (to prevent diaper rashes). They were also open to having parents drop by whenever.

If you go the nanny route, I hope that you are able to find a great one. They are hard to find.

That’s actually not true. Having worked in daycare centers in college, most of the daycare injuries caused by the staff are blamed on the child (he was running with hands in his pockets”, “she was hit by another child”, etc). Plus you can run background checks and get references from other families with a nanny but not the ever changing staff members of daycare. The centers I worked in said they ran background checks but didn’t.

But, regardless, the vast majority of accidents and child-death are caused by parents. Nanny care and daycare are both safer than staying home with your child.

What is this? You leave your kids with others because otherwise you will end up injuring or killing them? Ok, psycho!

You’re just embarrassing yourself, PP. Please go take care of your kids and get off your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

The diaper rash is sheer neglect. For many, many reasons I’d start looking for an excellent nanny. See if you find someone amazing.

[Anonymous]

Some babies can get diaper rash in like 5 min after having a BM. Especially if the room is warm or they are outside in the stroller.
Or maybe they only check them once every hour or so, and if there is no smell, the daycare workers usually would not know. It is part of being in a daycare. The daycares are very rough on the babies, unfortunately. I will never understand those parents who are just too lazy to look for nanny or nanny share. It is more expensive but for goodness sake, you only need to have it for a year or 2, at least until your baby is not a tiny little thing who needs feeding and nurturing all day long. And nanny share costs basically the same as a daycare, and it is so much better. And if you feel overwhelmed with all the search, you could find nanny share through the agency, it will still save you money in the long run. Daycares are miserable place for babies under 12 months. They even nap all in the same room, that is, if there is a separate room at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some babies can get diaper rash in like 5 min after having a BM. Especially if the room is warm or they are outside in the stroller.
Or maybe they only check them once every hour or so, and if there is no smell, the daycare workers usually would not know. It is part of being in a daycare. The daycares are very rough on the babies, unfortunately. I will never understand those parents who are just too lazy to look for nanny or nanny share. It is more expensive but for goodness sake, you only need to have it for a year or 2, at least until your baby is not a tiny little thing who needs feeding and nurturing all day long. And nanny share costs basically the same as a daycare, and it is so much better. And if you feel overwhelmed with all the search, you could find nanny share through the agency, it will still save you money in the long run. Daycares are miserable place for babies under 12 months. They even nap all in the same room, that is, if there is a separate room at all.

Not my daycare. I've been super happy with them. The infant room was a bit more individualized to the child's needs than the toddler room but my child was super happy to move up due to all the exciting activities and outdoor time.
In my opinion so much better than a nanny share. (And yes I did look at one.)

Just because you like nannies better doesn't mean you have to denigrate other people's choices. I am much happier with a daycare. OP is happy with her nanny. Fantastic news!
Happiness abounds when you are not putting down others.

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny so naturally biased on which is better. That said, I did my internship in college at a wonderful daycare center/preschool in the baby room. My co-workers loved those babies and they were well taken care of and learned a lot from the older babies. The babies did circle time every morning (so cute) and responded lovingly to the teachers. They also were outside for several hours during the day (Southern California) and had weekly music class. The school had two napping rooms and if a baby needed to be rocked to sleep, a teacher or aide would rock him.

No one should ever feel the least bit bad about sending their baby to a loving daycare.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

Not only no one cares who raises your kids, but also no one wants to be in your shoes either. I know it is hard for you to believe that.

I think you do want to be in my shoes, PP. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so defensive and lashing out. Something is clearly not right in your life and I know you know it. That’s the last thing I’m going to say to you, PP. You seem to need desperately to have the last word so have at it.

Nope. Did not have a kid to hand it to someone to raise. Actually like my kids, you know?

You are SO insecure. I’m embarrassed for you. Truly.

You accusing people of being insecure because they want to take care of their own children isn't very effective although I don't know exactly what you are hoping to accomplish other than make yourself feel better about your own decisions.

Yeah, yeah. Keep up your yapping. It’s sooooooo convincing everyone.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

My background in anthropology leads me to this conclusion as well. I've been a SAHM for 7 years and we're struggling financially. I wish there were better options for working parents. Our modern society is so backwards in the regard.

? Parents throughout human history had to leave their kids to hunt, gather, work, etc until their children could join them.

You don’t have an anthropological leg to stand on with this!

Actually, the kids were looked after in large family units by family members - grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins, mom, dad etc. They were not looked after by strangers making minimum wages.

No, the kids were looked after by other members of the tribe. Few grandparents in the early centuries due to short life expectancy. And no one made even minimum wage - just shared food and generally the worst of the hunt.

At three and four, the children worked with their parents to find food and migrate to water. Do you really think that was better than a safe home with a nanny or a clean daycare room with other kids?

Nope. I think that kids in daycare are better off than the Neanderthal babies and have better life expectancy than even 100 years ago.

However, in the DMV, in the present day, kids raised at UMC homes by educated SAHMs are better off, and most of DCUM SAHMs are financially secure and college educated.

I also think that kids in daycare and with nannies are better than kids in Ukraine and in Afghanistan. Absolutely. So I guess your kid is a winner?

Calm down, PP. No one is attacking you. But like other posters have tried to explain to you, we feel great about having loving, educated Nannie’s teach our babies during the day. My degree is in finance while our nanny’s degree, from a better college than DH or I attended, is in ECD. I worked in banks after graduation while our nanny worked in a preschool before becoming a nanny. This is my first child while nanny has been through this stage with four other children plus her own now grown kids. My feeling, like others, is that a nanny is better for my child than me being home during the day.

But know that you don’t have to try to attack WOHMs to make yourself feel better about your choices.

Not only no one cares who raises your kids, but also no one wants to be in your shoes either. I know it is hard for you to believe that.

I think you do want to be in my shoes, PP. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so defensive and lashing out. Something is clearly not right in your life and I know you know it. That’s the last thing I’m going to say to you, PP. You seem to need desperately to have the last word so have at it.

Nope. Did not have a kid to hand it to someone to raise. Actually like my kids, you know?

You are SO insecure. I’m embarrassed for you. Truly.

You accusing people of being insecure because they want to take care of their own children isn't very effective although I don't know exactly what you are hoping to accomplish other than make yourself feel better about your own decisions.

And you about yours, PP. You’re so defensive!

+1. Pro tip: If you were actually confident in yourself, SAHM Mommy, you wouldn’t keep post inane drivel like “I mean, I love my kids and actually want to spend time with them, but you do you.” Confident people don’t talk like that. Your insecurity is blaring like a foghorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny so naturally biased on which is better. That said, I did my internship in college at a wonderful daycare center/preschool in the baby room. My co-workers loved those babies and they were well taken care of and learned a lot from the older babies. The babies did circle time every morning (so cute) and responded lovingly to the teachers. They also were outside for several hours during the day (Southern California) and had weekly music class. The school had two napping rooms and if a baby needed to be rocked to sleep, a teacher or aide would rock him.

No one should ever feel the least bit bad about sending their baby to a loving daycare.

I challenge anyone here to name a high quality loving daycare in the DMV area!

[Anonymous]

So you think it is a good thing that babies spend a few hours in the hot weather outside, in SC? i would go crazy with worry about how uncomfortable that would be for my baby. Also, teachers change all the time, and especially with covid, i think daycare is a very unfortunate choice. Unless of course you do not care about masking, exposures, babies getting tested whenever anyone having a runny nose which is all the time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny so naturally biased on which is better. That said, I did my internship in college at a wonderful daycare center/preschool in the baby room. My co-workers loved those babies and they were well taken care of and learned a lot from the older babies. The babies did circle time every morning (so cute) and responded lovingly to the teachers. They also were outside for several hours during the day (Southern California) and had weekly music class. The school had two napping rooms and if a baby needed to be rocked to sleep, a teacher or aide would rock him.

No one should ever feel the least bit bad about sending their baby to a loving daycare.

I challenge anyone here to name a high quality loving daycare in the DMV area!

Seriously? They exist. I’m at an amazing home daycare. It’s small so I don’t want to put myself but we’ve had three children go through, soon to be four. We are so happy there, and I used to be a nanny so was initially turned off by daycares. They exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it is a good thing that babies spend a few hours in the hot weather outside, in SC? i would go crazy with worry about how uncomfortable that would be for my baby. Also, teachers change all the time, and especially with covid, i think daycare is a very unfortunate choice. Unless of course you do not care about masking, exposures, babies getting tested whenever anyone having a runny nose which is all the time, etc.

Southern California has very pleasant weather nearly all year round. Our nanny has put kids outside, including a baby, for hours everyday unless it’s broiling hot - over 92 - all year round. It’s generally I’ve 92 for a couple weeks in September. I’m sure the daycare mentioned adjusts.

[Anonymous]

Nanny share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it is a good thing that babies spend a few hours in the hot weather outside, in SC? i would go crazy with worry about how uncomfortable that would be for my baby. Also, teachers change all the time, and especially with covid, i think daycare is a very unfortunate choice. Unless of course you do not care about masking, exposures, babies getting tested whenever anyone having a runny nose which is all the time, etc.

Yes! All kids including babies should spend hours outdoors!

[Anonymous]

Sc is south carolina. No, the past 2 weeks weather here in dc is very unpleasant for babies. They get overheated quickly. Unbearable for adults except late evening hours, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny so naturally biased on which is better. That said, I did my internship in college at a wonderful daycare center/preschool in the baby room. My co-workers loved those babies and they were well taken care of and learned a lot from the older babies. The babies did circle time every morning (so cute) and responded lovingly to the teachers. They also were outside for several hours during the day (Southern California) and had weekly music class. The school had two napping rooms and if a baby needed to be rocked to sleep, a teacher or aide would rock him.

No one should ever feel the least bit bad about sending their baby to a loving daycare.

I challenge anyone here to name a high quality loving daycare in the DMV area!

Seriously? They exist. I’m at an amazing home daycare. It’s small so I don’t want to put myself but we’ve had three children go through, soon to be four. We are so happy there, and I used to be a nanny so was initially turned off by daycares. They exist.

Agree on the in-home. We love ours and the social interaction our kiddo gets is fantastic. He is middle of the pack age wise and had learned how to be around babies AND how to play with older kids. Best decision we made.