Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.

Land that helicopter mama!

This. Land the chopper already.

Land that cliche! It is ok to tell your kids that you wouldn't recommend getting married so early. This is the first person they have dated seriously. Why wait and live life as a single person before getting married? Your 20's are supposed to be for learning how to be independent and I think that it is ok to encourage waiting a few years.

The 'kids' are ADULTS who have graduated college and have careers. You sound like a future nightmare MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married young. Now at 50, our kids are out of the house, so we can travel, bang, etc as much as we want. I wouldn’t trade that for the chance of having sex with others in my 20s. Being 50 with a 13 year old would suck.

This (ish). I will be in your shoes. I had my kids at 28 and 31, which by DCUM standards is basically preadolescent. My youngest will be off to school when I’m 49 and I’m happy for that. I have mom friends with kids my age in their mid- to late-forties (I’m mid-thirties). Sometimes my DH pushes for another but there is no way in hell I would start the process over. I love my kids but boy is it hard. I’m essentially selfish and lazy, truth be told.

Eh. If you have the money to spend, traveling is a lot more fun in your 20s. Old people are boring travelers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married young. Now at 50, our kids are out of the house, so we can travel, bang, etc as much as we want. I wouldn’t trade that for the chance of having sex with others in my 20s. Being 50 with a 13 year old would suck.

This (ish). I will be in your shoes. I had my kids at 28 and 31, which by DCUM standards is basically preadolescent. My youngest will be off to school when I’m 49 and I’m happy for that. I have mom friends with kids my age in their mid- to late-forties (I’m mid-thirties). Sometimes my DH pushes for another but there is no way in hell I would start the process over. I love my kids but boy is it hard. I’m essentially selfish and lazy, truth be told.

Eh. If you have the money to spend, traveling is a lot more fun in your 20s. Old people are boring travelers.

That’s just you, dear. Other people are capable of being vibrant and having fun at 50, whether they still have kids at home or not.

This entire thread is filled with pretty pathetic assumptions- that you stop growing once you get married and have children, that older people wouldn’t have anything better to do but raise children, etc. Different choices will work for different people and only bitter, jealousy prone people will sit there and nitpick every life choice you make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my opinion here but no one should get engaged at twenty-two.

At that age one is still a “kid” and has their entire life in front of them.
Too young to be tied down to one person.

Everyone needs to sow some wild oats before they get too old.

You can loose a loving person you know well and are compatible with for sowing some odd temporary oats.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. My cousin got married and had a baby at 18 and is expecting a second. My two college friends got married at 22. I got married at 32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married young. Now at 50, our kids are out of the house, so we can travel, bang, etc as much as we want. I wouldn’t trade that for the chance of having sex with others in my 20s. Being 50 with a 13 year old would suck.

This (ish). I will be in your shoes. I had my kids at 28 and 31, which by DCUM standards is basically preadolescent. My youngest will be off to school when I’m 49 and I’m happy for that. I have mom friends with kids my age in their mid- to late-forties (I’m mid-thirties). Sometimes my DH pushes for another but there is no way in hell I would start the process over. I love my kids but boy is it hard. I’m essentially selfish and lazy, truth be told.

Eh. If you have the money to spend, traveling is a lot more fun in your 20s. Old people are boring travelers.

That’s just you, dear. Other people are capable of being vibrant and having fun at 50, whether they still have kids at home or not.

This entire thread is filled with pretty pathetic assumptions- that you stop growing once you get married and have children, that older people wouldn’t have anything better to do but raise children, etc. Different choices will work for different people and only bitter, jealousy prone people will sit there and nitpick every life choice you make.

Lol I don’t care how “vibrant” you feel at 50, but the fact is sex, traveling, and pretty much any fun activity is easier and more enjoyable when you’re young. Ppl get busted and sad after having kids so better to delay it if possible.

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, I met my future husband at 19, fell head over heals in love, and married him at 23. We are still very happily married 17 years later with 3 kids. But I attribute that largely to luck. I was just extremely fortunate to meet the love of my life at a young age and we’ve grown up and gone through life together. Although it worked out for us, I’m not sure I’d be quite so on board with any of our children getting married that young.

I will tell you though, I remember feeling like a full fledged adult back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got married young. Now at 50, our kids are out of the house, so we can travel, bang, etc as much as we want. I wouldn’t trade that for the chance of having sex with others in my 20s. Being 50 with a 13 year old would suck.

This (ish). I will be in your shoes. I had my kids at 28 and 31, which by DCUM standards is basically preadolescent. My youngest will be off to school when I’m 49 and I’m happy for that. I have mom friends with kids my age in their mid- to late-forties (I’m mid-thirties). Sometimes my DH pushes for another but there is no way in hell I would start the process over. I love my kids but boy is it hard. I’m essentially selfish and lazy, truth be told.

Eh. If you have the money to spend, traveling is a lot more fun in your 20s. Old people are boring travelers.

That’s just you, dear. Other people are capable of being vibrant and having fun at 50, whether they still have kids at home or not.

This entire thread is filled with pretty pathetic assumptions- that you stop growing once you get married and have children, that older people wouldn’t have anything better to do but raise children, etc. Different choices will work for different people and only bitter, jealousy prone people will sit there and nitpick every life choice you make.

Lol I don’t care how “vibrant” you feel at 50, but the fact is sex, traveling, and pretty much any fun activity is easier and more enjoyable when you’re young. Ppl get busted and sad after having kids so better to delay it if possible.

God I hope not. Aging only works one way, you know. And your outlook on it is so gloomy and pessimistic. Don’t you want to believe you still have some of your best years ahead of you??

[Anonymous]

IMO, “young” weddings (wherein bride and groom are under 27 or so and, importantly, NOT PREGNANT) are the happiest and most optimistic. They tend to be visibly giddy and madly in love and make you believe they have the best chance of still being together 50 years later.

You know that no one is “settling” if they get married under 27. They’re there because they genuinely want to be not because everyone else is doing it or they’re worried about their aging ovaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, “young” weddings (wherein bride and groom are under 27 or so and, importantly, NOT PREGNANT) are the happiest and most optimistic. They tend to be visibly giddy and madly in love and make you believe they have the best chance of still being together 50 years later.

You know that no one is “settling” if they get married under 27. They’re there because they genuinely want to be not because everyone else is doing it or they’re worried about their aging ovaries.

This^. I think older you get and more hook-ups, dating or relationships you go through, more baggage you carry.

[Anonymous]

If you are anything like J Lo, you could be quick in getting over things and equally excited for every relationship but it doesn’t work like that for regular people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece got engaged at 22 to her college boyfriend. They’ve been together since 2 years and known each other for 4 years. He is 22 as well and both are working full time in a big tech company. They feel like they are getting shammed from not only family and friends but even strangers for getting engaged and planning to marry in a year. Is this a thing now like quite shamming of people staying single ir marrying late used to be?

People did get ridiculed for staying single until recently, now the get ridiculed for going steady at young age and even outcasted for getting engaged or married. Every society and culture wants you to practice norms. Today’s norm is disposing relationships until 35 then panicking and settling.

[Anonymous]

To be fair YOLO, why get trapped early, living care free can be lonely at times but it’s mostly fun. It’s too expensive to play home, get a mortgage and a van and 2.5 kids, majority is already trapped with student loans, credit card debts, professional dilemmas, mental health etc.

[Anonymous]

This is 2022, 2.5 divorces have taken over the status symbol of 2.5 kids.

[Anonymous]

So there is no right age to get married. A couple married at 22 could be perfect for each other. A couple married at 38 may also be. Love is love and you follow it where it leads you. No one should judge anyone else on this. All this divorce talk has a lot less to do with age than it does income. Divorce rates fall apart based on income level. So I would worry less about the age and more about the happiness of the couple.

A thought also -- the good ones at least most of them are gone by 30 -- both male and female. They are married.