My sister just tried to stage a parenting intervention with me, basically

[Anonymous]

My sister is a lot like your sister, and it’s caused occasionally challenges with the kids, but in general, we’ve both gotten really good at telling our kids “different families have different rules”
If your sister chooses to enforce more rigid rules on vacation with other families, she’s going to have to learn to accept that and teach her kids that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m going to get railed on here, but each of your kids have their own iPad? Honestly, it’s awful for children. You go to another country where this is not the norm and are amazed at how much more engaged the children all with their world. Here we are headed into Wall-E territory out of ignorance and defensiveness.

just spent a while year in “another country” and all kids are on phones all the time. the world is not what you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM rule of law is to take a tiny kernel of truth from a post and blow it into a massive overreaction to justify meanness.

And so, a parent who lets a child eat fast-food during errands has obese children, is single, is low-class, and is a slacker parent. Get it right people! Clap clap!!

Seriously. People on here are complete psychos.

[Anonymous]

I also think that being incredibly strict with our children, such as completely forbidding sweets or outlawing screen time, is a way to enforce control when we feel insecure or helpless.
It's a way of imposing order, often fueled by anxiety.

The flexible approach is to learn how to modulate, and to teach our kids discipline: Maybe one sweet a day, or a small portion of chips, not the whole bag. That kind of self-regulation will serve a child in far better than stead than simply forbidding all "vices," because someday, that child will enter a world that cannot be controlled by the parent and will need to learn to adjust. Better to learn young than as a teen.

Moreover, parents who have to impose their philosophies on others need to self-examine. Why is it so important to assert their own views? Why do they feel this impulse and need? Surely they know they can only manage their own family, not someone else's.

Most of all, kids need love, food, support, guidance, stability. Your child's well-being is not going to crumble due to an occasional fast-food run, but it very well might if they see an overly controlling or judgmental parent lashing out at others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think that being incredibly strict with our children, such as completely forbidding sweets or outlawing screen time, is a way to enforce control when we feel insecure or helpless.
It's a way of imposing order, often fueled by anxiety.

The flexible approach is to learn how to modulate, and to teach our kids discipline: Maybe one sweet a day, or a small portion of chips, not the whole bag. That kind of self-regulation will serve a child in far better than stead than simply forbidding all "vices," because someday, that child will enter a world that cannot be controlled by the parent and will need to learn to adjust. Better to learn young than as a teen.

Moreover, parents who have to impose their philosophies on others need to self-examine. Why is it so important to assert their own views? Why do they feel this impulse and need? Surely they know they can only manage their own family, not someone else's.

Most of all, kids need love, food, support, guidance, stability. Your child's well-being is not going to crumble due to an occasional fast-food run, but it very well might if they see an overly controlling or judgmental parent lashing out at others.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound like a$$holes. Her for getting in your business but you for not having better situational awareness and sensitivity to differences in parenting styles.

The kids are 5 and 8. One kid accidentally walked by with fries; they pulled out their iPads before dinner. You actually sound like a$$hole for name-calling children.

Was calling the parents a$$holes. The kids on both sides are victims in all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound like a$$holes. Her for getting in your business but you for not having better situational awareness and sensitivity to differences in parenting styles.

The kids are 5 and 8. One kid accidentally walked by with fries; they pulled out their iPads before dinner. You actually sound like a$$hole for name-calling children.

Was calling the parents a$$holes. The kids on both sides are victims in all of this.

Seems a bit excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM rule of law is to take a tiny kernel of truth from a post and blow it into a massive overreaction to justify meanness.

And so, a parent who lets a child eat fast-food during errands has obese children, is single, is low-class, and is a slacker parent. Get it right people! Clap clap!!

Seriously. People on here are complete psychos.

Yep, proving my thread on skinny being the new "moral" better is on point. Not only that, only certain foods are allowed for kids, or you are shamed too. I likely underplayed it, would have posted about only organic, pasture raised, non-GMO, etc.... or you are judged as morally and in every single way inferior person, so you don't even have to be overweight!

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't vacation with other families unless I know we are compatible. Everyone is different. For example, I find I am more strict on screens and bedtime, but less strict on meals and treats. I'm not going to force my kids to sit at the dinner table until my niece chokes down all her forced vegetables that she doesn't want. But my niece literally has unrestricted access to her ipad (we are hardly screen free but she has way too much screen time for me.)

Yes, I probably would have caved to my parents wishes in OP's scenario, but I would have been upfront with my sister how it was going to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be extra careful not to create envy in her poor children - so no pulling out of iPads, no walking in with fries, etc. It’s good for your kids to have a detox from all that, frankly. You don’t need to live like this all year - just when your families get together.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents, sister's family, and my family are vacationing together -- separate cottages but nearby, see each other for meals, activities during day, etc. This is for my parents' 50th anniv, not a regular thing...

My sister and I have kids same age (8/5). They live 1000 miles away and we see them a few times a year.

Her kids are not allowed to use iPads, are not allowed sweets or ice cream or unhealthy snacks (chips/fruit rollups etc), and are not allowed fast-food.

During this trip, I ran to Target with my kids for pool stuff and stopped at BK. Because I know my sister doesn't allow it, my kids ate in the car on the way home, but I guess my older son ambled in with a bag of fries, his cousin saw it, wanted some, and it caused a blowup.

I also let my kids zone out with iPads after the pool yesterday before dinnertime. Her kids aren't allowed to do that, but since mine are, my parents basically begged her to just let everyone watch a movie instead, so that was fine, but I could tell she was mad. It wasn't even intentional, my kids just pulled out their iPads, she saw it, and began fuming. They aren't even in the same cottage as us!

It has been two days and already it's awkward.

At lunch my sister took me aside and told me, "out of kindness," how worried she is about my kids -- being allowed to consume junk food and spending so much time on screens. She wanted to get into it from an educational and developmental perspective.

I really just want to be on vacation and not defend my choices to her.

My parents seem more or less oblivious and I do not want to draw them into this, but I am also not going to deny my kids ice cream or not let them mess around on their iPad before dinner because my sister thinks it's not OK.

WWYD!?

It’s been 2-3 days of fast food and iPad time?

You really make your iPad kids stop at a 30 minute mark?

Your kids age 5 and 8 have their own personal iPads?

What do your kids eat each day?

My thoughts too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I’m going to get railed on here, but each of your kids have their own iPad? Honestly, it’s awful for children. You go to another country where this is not the norm and are amazed at how much more engaged the children all with their world. Here we are headed into Wall-E territory out of ignorance and defensiveness.

just spent a while year in “another country” and all kids are on phones all the time. the world is not what you think it is.

5 yos?

[Anonymous]

I'd also love to hear what OP's kids actually eat at mealtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Everybody having a screens/no screens or occasional junk food/no junk food argument are barking up the wrong trees. My kids know not to whine for things other kids have and that every family is different. If your sister can't shut down her kids' whining at their ages, that is the real parenting fail

Here we go. Sis is mad that her kids see your kids enjoying life and wants you to deprive your children of small moments of joy too.

[Anonymous]

I had an almost identical vacation with my in-laws and sister-in-law except that we were all in the same large beach house. Her kids were not allowed to watch TV, in fact the adults were not allowed to watch the news when the kids were in the room because they might find it upsetting, and there were all sorts of other structures placed on her kids which my kids did not have. It was painfully plain that our parenting styles did not match and it was the last joint vacation we ever went on with them. If I were you, I'd simply say "thanks for your concern but I feel no need to justify my parenting decisions" and put an end to that conversation right there..