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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people.  I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out.  I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice.  His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it. I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about.

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When I say income keep in mind I had to wait years for my now husband to have a high income. I married him because of his personality and we had similar goals about raising children. He was entering a Ph.D. program when we married. We waited five years after marriage to have kids.  [/quote]

PP I think women can learn a lot from you. IMO the most important thing is to only date guys who adore you. Only men who think you are a prize are willing to, well, treat you like you are a prize. A lot of women try to convince men to date them or try to change their minds or just stay with them until the guy is ready and sometimes that works out in pragmatic terms, but I would never say those women are “lucky in love.”

That isn’t to say you shouldn’t put forth effort. But you shouldn’t put forth effort that compromises who you are. I definitely looked cute and I was nice and I do have a good personality (most of the time).  But I never tried to be more soft-spoken because that just isn’t me. I also never hid my intelligence out of fear of intimidating a guy. Some guys weren’t interested in me because I was loud and they didn’t like the idea of having a partner who was smarter than they were. Good for them for knowing what they want! My now-husband thought I had a great personality and truly admired my intelligence. You have to know who you are and what you most want and find somebody compatible.

And you do have to be realistic about your options. I knew I wasn’t the most gorgeous person ever so I never thought I’d get the hottest guy around. DH is attractive but he’s short and bald. He also had no money when we got married. Those were things that were easy for me to compromise on. It actually didn’t feel like a compromise since I never set my sights on the tall dark and handsome rich guy. I wanted someone who was funny, emotionally intelligent, health conscious, smart, and financially savvy. And who adored me.  I was willing to be single forever before I’d compromise on those things. [/quote]

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