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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For me, I majored in dating. I was married a year after college. A lot of my friends from college aren't married and we are in our mid-30s. They are too picky. I had a type but I was open to other people.  [b]I think the difference between me and them is that I'm more flexible. I have an easygoing personality and I had a lot of fun with my dates but I weeded out men right away if I thought they couldn't be serious. [/b]I only dated guys I could sense adored me. I dated older guys. My now husband is 6 years older. By my junior year, I knew I wanted the option to be a sahm. Most of my friends thought I was crazy for thinking that far ahead but it worked out.  I work part-time and am a stay-at-home mom the other 5 days. Personality is very important and I think when we are younger we don't always factor that in. I remember accidentally overhearing conversations from "friends" about being confused about why my boyfriend was so hot and with me for so long (3 years) because I am average-looking. I broke up with the hot guy and he was model hot because he made fun of a stay-at-home mom who was walking her newborn. He said something like some women like to do nothing all day. I explained how I would like to be a stay at home mom and he told me he can't provide that and I should look for a med student. I ended up with a doctor but a doctor of statistics. He is not as "hot" but he's cute and nice.  His income ended up being a lot more than hot boyfriend. That boyfriend married a below-average-looking woman who came from money. [b]Some people just know what they want and are persistent about finding it.[/b] I didn't have a lot of intimate relationships before marriage. For me that was reserved for someone I was very serious about. 
[/quote]

So I relate to very little of this, and had a pretty different approach to finding a partner. Plus got started much later -- I had zero interest in marriage during college and grad school and didn't really start thinking about finding someone to settle down with until I was almost 30. But I actually agree with the overall approach. Once I started looking, I found my DH pretty quickly (within about a year) because I know what I wanted.

Also, regarding the bolded, I think this is the balance you need. You need to know what is most important to you and then be willing to be flexible on other things in order to ensure you get those most important things. For me, I wanted someone who was a true partner (would pull his weight at home, would view me as an equal, would respect my career) and I wanted someone who shared a lot of my interests and wanted to spend a lot of time together. I met men who were wealthier, more traditionally "hotter", and more professionally ambitious than my DH when I was dating. But when I met my DH, I immediately felt like we were a perfect fit. And I got exactly what I wanted -- almost 20 years later, he's still a total partner (he's literally cleaning up the kitchen right now while I relax -- he slept in a bit this morning while I got breakfast ready) and we still spend most of our free time together doing the things we both love -- hiking, watching movies, going to museums, watching baseball. If I'd held out for someone who was all those things but also wealthy and super hot, I'd be spending this holiday alone. Nothing wrong with that, but the reason I'm not alone is because I knew what was important to me but also where I was willing to compromise. And I have zero regrets about any of it.

By the way, most of the "hot" guys I dated in my 20s are now less attractive than my DH because they put on weight and lost hair, but my DH is very active and athletic (like me) and didn't go bald. So marrying for hotness in your 20s is a real crapshoot that I think often doesn't pay off. A lot of men don't age well, especially if they like to drink.[/quote]

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