NYT article on LCPS high school re: racism

[Anonymous]

I mean, both of these kids seem like rich, out of touch, children whose brains are years from maturity.

The girl should never have used a racial slur, even in passing, even to another white friend, even as a joke, even if she wasn't being hateful.

Her parents have fallen down on the job if she got to 14/15 and didn't know that, and it demonstrates the dangers of raising your child in a cloistered UMC bubble.

The boy just seems like a jerk - holding onto this recording until she had something to lose and then gloating about it.

Shame on him, and shame on his parents too. This isn't justice, it's a kid acting out to feel powerful, maybe because his parents thought "good schools" were worth racialized bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like Jimmy lives in a very nice house and has plenty of money for a phone and earrings. It may be quite a wake-up call for him when he finds out this NYT article has severely limited his future employment prospects. Oh well, guess it will send a message to the next kid who tries to ruin a classmate’s life by mining random social media posts for shame material. Maybe it was just bad parenting by the Galligans.

You all seem really invested in this kid’s life being over because he exposed a classmate for being racist. It’s kinda weird you’re more bothered by him exposing her racism than her doing it in the first place

Bothered by both, actually. Yet, there is a difference between a 15 yo that has since apologized and a smug 18 yo. Oh well. Not my kids. Not my problem.

She apologized BECAUSE he exposed her. She was never going to own up to that or reflect on the impact it had otherwise. She was pretending to be a BLM activist and he couldn’t stand the hypocrisy. Had he not reminded her of her own actions she never would have apologized. So, don’t give her too much praise.

You didn’t read the story, did you? She evolved and took a pro-BLM stand before he decided to expose her for a three-second video clip she’d recorded years earlier.

It’s telling that we call children “racists” when they casually use slang they’ve heard from rap artists and their black peers. What’s in their hearts doesn’t matter as much as whether they are adhering to the norms followed by woke adults. Ironically, if the parents had just prevented their kids from listening to rap music and sent her to a less diverse school with almost no black kids, her immature 15-year-old self would not have thought it was cool to record such a stupid clip. Many black kids use that language all the time and no one does a thing about it.

Our culture is sick, but not necessarily for the reason some assume. Ruining the life of random young adults for stupid things they did as tweens or while in their early teens is just one more performative display by people who don’t actually care about anything other than protecting their own asses and advancing their own agendas. I feel sorry for you if you favor imparting the message that young adults are disposable, so long as it’s arguably woke.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

This movie happens every year. Teach your kids not ever post negative comments, or stuff they would not say in public or to someone's face. And in fact.....just don't use slurs and foul language in general.
There are better ways to express yourself that are not so damaging and offensive and ......because so much is filmed all the time by someone. These kids live on camera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, both of these kids seem like rich, out of touch, children whose brains are years from maturity.

The girl should never have used a racial slur, even in passing, even to another white friend, even as a joke, even if she wasn't being hateful.

Her parents have fallen down on the job if she got to 14/15 and didn't know that, and it demonstrates the dangers of raising your child in a cloistered UMC bubble.

The boy just seems like a jerk - holding onto this recording until she had something to lose and then gloating about it.

Shame on him, and shame on his parents too. This isn't justice, it's a kid acting out to feel powerful, maybe because his parents thought "good schools" were worth racialized bullying.

This is the best summation of the ordeal. Girl wasn’t raised to not say racist stuff. Boy is walking around with a lot of hurt due to a lifetime of racism living somewhere like River Creek and having a conflicting sense of identity due to parents of different races, one of whom won’t even acknowledge his white privileged to his Black son. She was a useful target for him. Neither is truly sympathetic. But, at the end of the day, she posted herself saying the N word. She should have known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

I'm the PP who thinks both of the young adults in this story kind of suck, but it's actually not that hard to explain to a NT elementary schooler why they can't use the n-word, even if their frends do. I've had the discussion with my kids multiple times, particuarly because they attend schools where they hear it bandied about by Black peers. I'm not mad that they can't say it (unlike some on this thread) and they seem to understand that there are some words they just can't use. I can see how it might be harder for a kid on the spectrum, but I don't want other white parents of NT white kids on this thread to take your situation as an excuse to not have these discussions with their white kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

That’s because you haven’t done the work since they were little. If you only make it about the N word yeah it might not make sense. You have to start this when they are young and instill in them that some of their peers are mistreated due to their race and it is THEIR job as white kids not to allow it and to push back on it. You have to show your kids the tremendous amount of privilege they have simply by being white so they grow up self aware. Don’t blame your son being on the spectrum of you didn’t do this and don’t know how to now approach the N word out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

That’s because you haven’t done the work since they were little. If you only make it about the N word yeah it might not make sense. You have to start this when they are young and instill in them that some of their peers are mistreated due to their race and it is THEIR job as white kids not to allow it and to push back on it. You have to show your kids the tremendous amount of privilege they have simply by being white so they grow up self aware. Don’t blame your son being on the spectrum of you didn’t do this and don’t know how to now approach the N word out of nowhere.

There are no magic words or lectures that will stop kids from doing impulsive things. And yes, I have all of those conversations. My point is that the frank arbitrariness of the n-word at this point is hard to explain from a values and factual perspective, and instead is something I have to instill fear in him about. Which is counterproductive to the rest of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

The n word is not arbitrary

Black people can say it
White people cant
Because white people use it as a tool of dehumanization and there’s no other way white people can use it

That’s not complicated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

I'm the PP who thinks both of the young adults in this story kind of suck, but it's actually not that hard to explain to a NT elementary schooler why they can't use the n-word, even if their frends do. I've had the discussion with my kids multiple times, particuarly because they attend schools where they hear it bandied about by Black peers. I'm not mad that they can't say it (unlike some on this thread) and they seem to understand that there are some words they just can't use. I can see how it might be harder for a kid on the spectrum, but I don't want other white parents of NT white kids on this thread to take your situation as an excuse to not have these discussions with their white kids.

Again, I wasn’t trying to encourage people not to talk about it. Just to acknowledge that it can be particularly confusing to a lot of kids and hence not really justified to exert maximum consequences about (esp when not used against a person as a slur, as in this case.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

That’s because you haven’t done the work since they were little. If you only make it about the N word yeah it might not make sense. You have to start this when they are young and instill in them that some of their peers are mistreated due to their race and it is THEIR job as white kids not to allow it and to push back on it. You have to show your kids the tremendous amount of privilege they have simply by being white so they grow up self aware. Don’t blame your son being on the spectrum of you didn’t do this and don’t know how to now approach the N word out of nowhere.

There are no magic words or lectures that will stop kids from doing impulsive things. And yes, I have all of those conversations. My point is that the frank arbitrariness of the n-word at this point is hard to explain from a values and factual perspective, and instead is something I have to instill fear in him about. Which is counterproductive to the rest of the conversation.

And again to be clear - the second my son hears the n word he’s going to lock onto it and want to say it. That’s just the way he is. You don’t have a kid with special needs, so you have your own privilege as well. I’m just hoping when/if he uses it he is not subject to the kind of toxic vindictiveness of this girl and instead gets a chance to experience the natural and proportionate consequences, not a crazy overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

I'm the PP who thinks both of the young adults in this story kind of suck, but it's actually not that hard to explain to a NT elementary schooler why they can't use the n-word, even if their frends do. I've had the discussion with my kids multiple times, particuarly because they attend schools where they hear it bandied about by Black peers. I'm not mad that they can't say it (unlike some on this thread) and they seem to understand that there are some words they just can't use. I can see how it might be harder for a kid on the spectrum, but I don't want other white parents of NT white kids on this thread to take your situation as an excuse to not have these discussions with their white kids.

I agree that it’s a necessary and Importamt conversation to have with kids starting very young and including “even if you hear it in songs, even if your Black friend says it, even if it’s in English class.” Parents should also have those discussions around misogynist talk, anti-Semitic “jokes, using offensive language about intellectual disability etc. it does seem like if those talks either don’t happen or don’t work there should be the same standard for racist language as there is for anti-Semitic, etc. if we as a society decide that appropriate consequences include getting kicked out of college four years later than let’s be explicit about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have mixed feelings about this. I think a white 15 year old is absolutely old enough to know not to use the n-word, but she probably used it for shock value/transgression. From the article, it sounds like the word is frequently used as a direct slur at the school (not the way Mimi used it). So I can understand why black kids would react to the TikTok. But, the widespread use of the n-word in popular culture absolutely muddies the waters. Now we expect really very young white kids to understand why a word they literally hear ALL the time (I hear it repeatedly myself when working out to Lizzo!) is also a toxic word that they can never, ever say under penalty of extreme ostracization. Yes their parents should teach them, but it's a hard conversation to have.

I get so sick of hearing white people say this. Do you realize that Black parents need to have conversations with their children about simple things they shouldn’t do with the hope that these conversations will save their lives. Don’t wear a hoodie in a white neighborhood after dark. Be as accommodating to a police officer as possible. You have to be twice as good as your white counterparts to get equivalent jobs (but still be paid less). THOSE are difficult conversations.

I'm saying it's "hard" in that it is hard to explain properly in a way that ensures your kid will behave in a certain way. My kid is younger (8) but it is just factually and conceptually difficult to explain to him why a word can be used by celebrities and kids in his class, but never, ever, ever by him under penalty of something terrible happening to him. Frankly that kind of discussion (which has to be fear/punishment based) makes it harder to have the actual conversations I also want to have with him to create empathy. My son has HFA but I imagine it is also hard for NT white kids to understand the situation.

That’s because you haven’t done the work since they were little. If you only make it about the N word yeah it might not make sense. You have to start this when they are young and instill in them that some of their peers are mistreated due to their race and it is THEIR job as white kids not to allow it and to push back on it. You have to show your kids the tremendous amount of privilege they have simply by being white so they grow up self aware. Don’t blame your son being on the spectrum of you didn’t do this and don’t know how to now approach the N word out of nowhere.

There are no magic words or lectures that will stop kids from doing impulsive things. And yes, I have all of those conversations. My point is that the frank arbitrariness of the n-word at this point is hard to explain from a values and factual perspective, and instead is something I have to instill fear in him about. Which is counterproductive to the rest of the conversation.

And again to be clear - the second my son hears the n word he’s going to lock onto it and want to say it. That’s just the way he is. You don’t have a kid with special needs, so you have your own privilege as well. I’m just hoping when/if he uses it he is not subject to the kind of toxic vindictiveness of this girl and instead gets a chance to experience the natural and proportionate consequences, not a crazy overreaction.

I don't think anyone would blame your son. Especially, if you explain the situation and teach him it's the societal equivalent of bandying about the f-word. If they do blame him, then they are just trash human being.

The kid who released the video seems like a vindictive petty little twerp. I'm annoyed with the girl who said this but anyone who thinks his response was appropriate is out-of-thier mind. As for the people who keep saying, she is 15...your kids know not to shout expletives and profanities all-day, why would they say the n-word. As a black person, our parents taught us the word was just that, low-brow and offensive.

[Anonymous]

It's not that difficult a conversation to have with your kids especially when discussing social media. Never use the n-word even if black kids tell you it's OK. Be silent if anyone is recording you and asking questions. Think carefully before saying anything when discussing race issues. Avoid people like the boy in the article at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Saying the word = never ok

Cancel culture = also not ok

Both kids suck.