Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tyring to think what would get me off my tuckus to embrace change like this, with young kids.


Make doing things "together" the issue and the "things" are walking, swimming, hiking, etc. Don't go to cardio and weight lifting yet. Offer to get the kids ready, take them along, hire a sitter, or trade outdoor activity time for mommy down time.
And talk about alcohol over use.
Can you prepare snacks and leave them around? My kids will eat an apple if I cut it up, snow peas or snap peas if I wash them and leave then in a bowl, etc.
Does she see a family doctor? Can you make an appt with teh same doctor and ask for help with this? Dr. can make the focus blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

If she still won't try then you involve a marital therapist.

Really?
I would respond to my husband having actually done the work and research on what changes your weight set point and actually works, having the name of a counselor who deals with the mental issues surrounding weight loss, and having a plan on where to find the tome and money to make it happen.

If he just came to me with one more issue, and laid it at my feet to figure out how to make it happen, I would give a sincere attempt, but it likely wouldn’t last long.

I have found that my husband has responded the same way when I have wanted something from him. Help with housekeeping, for example. I didn’t “engage him in cleaning as a family.” I had a plan for what I needed someone to do, how to find a good person, and how I was going to come up with the money to pay for it.

This, OP. How would you want her to ask you to make more money? Would you just want her to tell you how important it is to you, how she doesn’t find you as attractive, and it’s just biology? Or would you want a list of ads for higher paying jobs in your field, time to work on your resume and applications, and sincere support with childcare, housework, and sex/emotional support throughout the interview process?

Also, this stuff with encouraging family hikes is ridiculous and passive aggressive. It would be like her hiding ads for better paying jobs in your sock drawer.

Agree with both. It’s stupid to think you’re going to solve the problem by finding the perfect way of phrasing it. It’s going to take a massive overhaul of her eating habits. That’s not going to magically happen because you found just the right comment.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you want to divorce someone you're disgusted by? That is a strong emotion to have over someone's weight, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Oh, I forgot every woman’s main goal in life should be to stay attractive for her husband. What if she got burned in the fire? What if she lost a limb? What if she suffered a stroke?

See how ridiculous you sound?

As I said before, he really should divorce her.

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

Balding is 100% outside his control.
Getting fat is 100% within her control.

Understand the difference?

Here let me help.
Her fatness is like his cheating: a selfish decision.
His baldness is like her reading glasses: an age related physical change.

+1000

It’s honestly easier for a man to get hair plugs than to lose 40+lbs and keep it off. Weight loss is very, very hard. If OP’s wife had a genetic tendency to gain and a sedentary job and multiple pregnancies, then if you throw in depression and perimenopause, gaining 40lbs could be very easy. If she’s on an SSRI that could add to it.

Weight loss is NOT hard. It literally takes “negative” effort: just eat less food. See that? Saved you 100 bites per day.

So is celibacy. Just don’t have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

You are loved unconditionally. Op is a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I’m fatter than OP’s wife and DH still loves me and still wants to have sex with me. Or fakes it well. I’m working on it but anxiety makes me eat and anxiety med make me gain weight. Exercising like crazy though and losing weight veeerrrrry slowly.

You are loved unconditionally. Op is a dick.

Exactly, he doesn’t love her so he should do her a favor and get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Excess weight is a problem for the person carrying it. How is it op's problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Agree. This is not caused by OP. Forty extra pounds on a short woman is unattractive. Mom is modeling poor eating patterns to the children. OP did not force the food into OP's wife's mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Whether or not something is unattractive is subjective. OP thinks this, but those are just his thoughts. She didn’t “cause” him to think a certain way anymore than he “caused” her to gain the weight. They are both in charge of their own minds and bodies.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re never going to win this battle on DCUM. You may as well walk into a Baptist megachurch and ask them how to get your wife to be more Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Agree. This is not caused by OP. Forty extra pounds on a short woman is unattractive. Mom is modeling poor eating patterns to the children. OP did not force the food into OP's wife's mouth.

Being disgusted by the mother of his children because of her weight doesn’t seem like a great example to me, but maybe you and op are looking to raise superficial jerks who can’t keep their promises?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s threads like this that really make me not want to read DCUM any more.

Put aside the fat shaming for a moment, although it happens on DCUM daily.

This is a woman who gave you a family. She is the mother of your children. The lack of empathy you are exhibiting is disgusting. Much more disgusting that the 40 lbs she put on. Do her a favor a divorce her. I would never want a husband like you, OP. You’ll be doing her a favor really.

Perhaps some other man raising your children and seeing them half the time will be worth the new skinny piece of ass you’ll get.

Gaining a bunch of weight is terribly unattractive. Stop blaming OP for the problem his wife created.

Agree. This is not caused by OP. Forty extra pounds on a short woman is unattractive. Mom is modeling poor eating patterns to the children. OP did not force the food into OP's wife's mouth.

This is subjective. As mentioned several times earlier in this thread, not everyone agrees on this. Since “unattractive vs attractive “ it isn’t a fact, it’s just a thought, then you are free to change it at any time.
It’s certainly preferable to learn to manage your own thoughts and emotions rather than insist the world change to suit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re never going to win this battle on DCUM. You may as well walk into a Baptist megachurch and ask them how to get your wife to be more Catholic.

Lol...I think if you asked DCUM how to get your Baptist wife to be more Catholic, you would get exclusively harsh responses. There IS this idea that we have all internalized that fat is bad. There responses are much more like if you asked a Catholic Church how to get your wife to be more Catholic. A few gentle ideas, a few stories of conversion, a few harsh critics of Baptists, and a few people saying that you shouldn’t find your wife disgusting no matter what her faith.