I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize all the posts:

parents of kids who are left out feel:

-kids who don’t always include all other friends are mean and their parents are also mean;

- it is okay for a left out kid to ask to join an already planned get together


u]parents of kids who are not left out feel: [/u]

- kids can elect who to invite somewhere when their family or kid is planning the event and this isn’t mean or exclusionary but more a preference who to hang out with

- by the 6th grade + timeframe, kids largely plan their social activities and parents don’t need to micromanage.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Thank you for saving me 9 pages of reading. Got lucky when I jumped to9 and saw this summary.

Carry on.

No, there aren't two groups of kids. ALL kids feel left out at one point or another in their lives. Parents however handle this in different ways and that's what the issue is - whether to gripe and declare others and their parents "mean," or empower your children by encouraging them to branch out, form new connections, host events themselves.

New poster. Looks like a mean mom found the thread. Let me guess you have a son? Boys can be the worst In this regard and their parents often support the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize all the posts:

parents of kids who are left out feel:

-kids who don’t always include all other friends are mean and their parents are also mean;

- it is okay for a left out kid to ask to join an already planned get together


u]parents of kids who are not left out feel: [/u]

- kids can elect who to invite somewhere when their family or kid is planning the event and this isn’t mean or exclusionary but more a preference who to hang out with

- by the 6th grade + timeframe, kids largely plan their social activities and parents don’t need to micromanage.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Thank you for saving me 9 pages of reading. Got lucky when I jumped to9 and saw this summary.

Carry on.

No, there aren't two groups of kids. ALL kids feel left out at one point or another in their lives. Parents however handle this in different ways and that's what the issue is - whether to gripe and declare others and their parents "mean," or empower your children by encouraging them to branch out, form new connections, host events themselves.

New poster. Looks like a mean mom found the thread. Let me guess you have a son? Boys can be the worst In this regard and their parents often support the behavior.

Nothing the PP wrote was mean. At all. She did include the word mean, but she herself was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize all the posts:

parents of kids who are left out feel:

-kids who don’t always include all other friends are mean and their parents are also mean;

- it is okay for a left out kid to ask to join an already planned get together


u]parents of kids who are not left out feel: [/u]

- kids can elect who to invite somewhere when their family or kid is planning the event and this isn’t mean or exclusionary but more a preference who to hang out with

- by the 6th grade + timeframe, kids largely plan their social activities and parents don’t need to micromanage.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Thank you for saving me 9 pages of reading. Got lucky when I jumped to9 and saw this summary.

Carry on.

No, there aren't two groups of kids. ALL kids feel left out at one point or another in their lives. Parents however handle this in different ways and that's what the issue is - whether to gripe and declare others and their parents "mean," or empower your children by encouraging them to branch out, form new connections, host events themselves.

+1

The parents ruminate, so their kids are taught to ruminate. Nice job. :sarcasm:

[Anonymous]

I don't believe OP has children. Not for one second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

[Anonymous]

Trying to sort through. I don't know what extremes everyone is coming from?

If my kid was included much of the time, and not included some of the time, I think OP makes a good point. It's not harmful for kids to learn to make their own plans, have different groups of friends, or just learn to be happy on their own when things don't work out. In fact, I think it encourages resilience.

In our case, my DS has ADHD and some difficulties reading social cues. It means that not only is he not included most of the time, but has on many occasions been excluded. No, he is not disruptive, rude, or destroying anyone's house-- he's just very awkward and doesn't connect easily with other kids even though he tries hard. In his case, an invitation means a lot, because he receives so few. We have unfortunately, rarely encountered parents or other kids who make a special effort with him and we're so grateful when we do.

To put this in perspective, each individual of course has the right to decide who they would like to hang out with and be friends with-- but en masse, deciding that a child is not a friend preference means that, for some kids, there no invitations. If everyone exercises their right not to extend themselves, there will be some children who are inadvertently left out of every gathering. It may not be active exclusion, but it has the same effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Agreed. PP, you actually are the one who sounds overinvested. Of course contacting the school is crazy, but so is anonymously threatening "we know who you are!" about HIGH SCHOOLERS' PARENTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe OP has children. Not for one second.

Sadly, narcissists DO have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

+2
What adult doesn't care if a kid's feelings are hurt? I sure do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

+2
What adult doesn't care if a kid's feelings are hurt? I sure do.

-1 I'm not saying kids should be included and cared about - that's a basic human trait. That said, if kids are getting together with a group they want to hang out with, it is NOT bullying to exclude some kids. Reporting the behavior as bullying it essentially lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1