I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

+2
What adult doesn't care if a kid's feelings are hurt? I sure do.

-1 I'm not saying kids should be included and cared about - that's a basic human trait. That said, if kids are getting together with a group they want to hang out with, it is NOT bullying to exclude some kids. Reporting the behavior as bullying it essentially lying.

+1

DP here. Those are the same parents that march into the high school (!!!!) principals office to complain about some kid. Maybe look at your own kid and their issues, and your projections (!!!!) before you stir the pot, and it blows up in your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

+2
What adult doesn't care if a kid's feelings are hurt? I sure do.

-1 I'm not saying kids should be included and cared about - that's a basic human trait. That said, if kids are getting together with a group they want to hang out with, it is NOT bullying to exclude some kids. Reporting the behavior as bullying it essentially lying.

+1

DP here. Those are the same parents that march into the high school (!!!!) principals office to complain about some kid. Maybe look at your own kid and their issues, and your projections (!!!!) before you stir the pot, and it blows up in your face.

I’ve worked at enough schools to know that they probably were bullying the kid and purposeful exclusion is bullying. What makes you think it’s a lie? Based on your bizarre posts I would tend to believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Agreed. PP, you actually are the one who sounds overinvested. Of course contacting the school is crazy, but so is anonymously threatening "we know who you are!" about HIGH SCHOOLERS' PARENTS.

Agree. It sounds almost like a threat. Is this a public or private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

+3

Being inclusive and kind is always high class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

+1

There are crazy parents who actually try to complain to the high school (!!!) that their teen is being left out. Except instead of calling it what it is (being left out, because life) - the parents (!!!) make something up to get other kids in trouble. Then, those parents are actually surprised when their child is further ostracized. Then, their child tries to take it out on one of the kids, sometimes resorting to anger - and guess who gets into trouble? Not the kids who left anyone out, but the kid whose parents failed to teach them proper coping mechanisms - the apple does not fall far from the tree. We all know who that kid and their parents are, so does the school.

I don’t know you sound too invested in hurting this teen. We had a situation and we decoded to take the high road. Maybe you should try to do the same instead of encouraging it to be worse. Clearly the kid is hurting. Do what you can to help the situation.

Different poster: I don't see how the poster is about hurting the teen. Wasn't the teen trying to hurt the other kids by reporting it to the school, likely as bullying? What do you think will happen if the school forces inclusion or otherwise face the risk of being in trouble?

Well if the kid was being excluded and had nowhere else to go then yeah it could be perceived as bullying. We had a call from a parent once about their kid not being invited to our party and instead of being a jerk and telling everyone that they called us, we just invited them and it was fine. The kid was fine and the party wasn’t any different or worse with that one kid at it. We on other occasions have added on random kids and you know what it was fine and I can sleep better at night knowing that there is not a kid out there sad or depressed because of something we did. A little kindness goes a long way. Unless the kid is an ax murder what’s the harm in adding them on to a group? Sounds like some parents are still stuck in high school. Time to grow up and set a good example for your kids.

+1

+2
What adult doesn't care if a kid's feelings are hurt? I sure do.

-1 I'm not saying kids should be included and cared about - that's a basic human trait. That said, if kids are getting together with a group they want to hang out with, it is NOT bullying to exclude some kids. Reporting the behavior as bullying it essentially lying.

+1

DP here. Those are the same parents that march into the high school (!!!!) principals office to complain about some kid. Maybe look at your own kid and their issues, and your projections (!!!!) before you stir the pot, and it blows up in your face.

I’ve worked at enough schools to know that they probably were bullying the kid and purposeful exclusion is bullying. What makes you think it’s a lie? Based on your bizarre posts I would tend to believe them.[u]

OMG - based on MY post - a parent who wouldn't even be there when something occurred, you believe bullying occurred? This is the problem with some parents...I don't even have a high schooler. I have a kid who has been included before and excluded before. I treat it as a learning experience and we move on. I don't ramp up my kid with a bullying claim nor do I allow her to ramp herself up with a bullying claim. It isn't necessarily mean behavior to be excluded...it is life. Yet...you will think the worst of people...geesh. THIS is why school's can't believe someone self reporting on something like this! Because of people like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

+3

Being inclusive and kind is always high class.

-1 Teens are at the age to decide for themselves who they want to hang out with, and no one has the right to invite themselves to a private gathering, just like other adults can't invite themselves over to your Thanksgiving dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize all the posts:

parents of kids who are left out feel:

-kids who don’t always include all other friends are mean and their parents are also mean;

- it is okay for a left out kid to ask to join an already planned get together


u]parents of kids who are not left out feel: [/u]

- kids can elect who to invite somewhere when their family or kid is planning the event and this isn’t mean or exclusionary but more a preference who to hang out with

- by the 6th grade + timeframe, kids largely plan their social activities and parents don’t need to micromanage.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Thank you for saving me 9 pages of reading. Got lucky when I jumped to9 and saw this summary.

Carry on.

No, there aren't two groups of kids. ALL kids feel left out at one point or another in their lives. Parents however handle this in different ways and that's what the issue is - whether to gripe and declare others and their parents "mean," or empower your children by encouraging them to branch out, form new connections, host events themselves.

New poster. Looks like a mean mom found the thread. Let me guess you have a son? Boys can be the worst In this regard and their parents often support the behavior.

There's nothing mean in that post.

[Anonymous]

"No, there aren't two groups of kids. ALL kids feel left out at one point or another in their lives. Parents however handle this in different ways and that's what the issue is - whether to gripe and declare others and their parents "mean," or empower your children by encouraging them to branch out, form new connections, host events themselves."

+1

This. Stop projecting, and encourage your kids to branch out parents. It is your job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

+3

Being inclusive and kind is always high class.

-1 Teens are at the age to decide for themselves who they want to hang out with, and no one has the right to invite themselves to a private gathering, just like other adults can't invite themselves over to your Thanksgiving dinner.

People are talking about basic kindness, not inviting themselves. Purposeful exclusion is cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

+3

Being inclusive and kind is always high class.

-1 Teens are at the age to decide for themselves who they want to hang out with, and no one has the right to invite themselves to a private gathering, just like other adults can't invite themselves over to your Thanksgiving dinner.

People are talking about basic kindness, not inviting themselves. Purposeful exclusion is cruel.

Nope. 09:35 described a parent calling to invite their teen to a party, and the Halloween post had OP being encouraged to call the hostess to invite her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just hopped on here to thank you and your kids for being kind to my kid. That is all.

The thing is that many of us don’t consider hanging out with this or that group to be mean if your kid isn’t always included. That is all.

It doesn't, correct. But, as the other Halloween thread shows, it is "mean" to judge another kid/parent who tries to be included sometimes. YOUR kid will survive one evening on a non-formal event like Halloween if they include someone on their "in" list for the night. There seems to be an awful lot of bending backwards on here to justify shitty behavior. It's pretty despicable, actually.

+1

+2

+3

Being inclusive and kind is always high class.

-1 Teens are at the age to decide for themselves who they want to hang out with, and no one has the right to invite themselves to a private gathering, just like other adults can't invite themselves over to your Thanksgiving dinner.

People are talking about basic kindness, not inviting themselves. Purposeful exclusion is cruel.

A party for all the volleyball team? Everyone should be included and not inviting someone is purposeful exclusion.

A teen having a sleepover? No, she isn't expected to invite every female in her class. She gets to choose which friends she wants over.

[Anonymous]

Is it hard to include other kids? I don't see how it's hard.

The only person I don't want to include is a SN kid I know that attacks other kids and hurts them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it hard to include other kids? I don't see how it's hard.

The only person I don't want to include is a SN kid I know that attacks other kids and hurts them.

Well for example if your teen is inviting friends to an escape room, there are limits on how many can be there. Any venue really has a cap.

[Anonymous]

I can see difference when you invite 10 out of 20 kids is OK, but when you invite 18 out of 20, than you're excluding two people on purpose.