I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here

[Anonymous]

All the parents stressing about their kids' social lives, agonizing about why they haven't been invited to this or that, writing tirades against the other parents for being "mean girls" and "social climbers" and assuming they are deliberately leaving your special snowflake out for Machiavellian reasons etc. etc. It utterly amazes me.

Have you ever thought that maybe the other kids just don't like your kid all that much and it's that simple? If you're on the periphery of a social group as it is, it's going to be "out of sight, out of mind" when you're not there. The simplest, kindest explanation is that the other kids are just not thinking to invite yours and you have to accept that.

Do you not remember what it's like to be this age? Friendships and their intensity change quickly at this age. I remember going through it myself and it would have been 1000% worse if I knew my mom was ruminating about it in her spare time instead of being benignly ignorant, as most tweens and teens hope for their parents to be about their social lives.

I know the parents writing these posts are going to say "well my kid doesn't know I am so stressed and worried about this" but I guarantee, if you are writing screeds about it on an anonymous message board, the emotion is apparent in your every day actions as well.

[Anonymous]

While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I think it's all the type A people in this area. They are such total control freaks that they can't help but want to control their kids' social lives as well.

But I agree that they probably make it worse by doing those things. The idea of "reaching out" to the parents of kids who don't really like your kid - eek, cringe. I can only imagine what they are saying in private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

You think teens weren't left out of things back in the 80s and 90s? Sure it's perhaps more in your face now with social media but sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing to do when you know the other kids are out at parties has never been fun.

You just need to learn how to ignore it. That's life. You're not going to be included in everything. Better to accept that now and learn how to be happy anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

[Anonymous]

OP I am with you 100%. But I think some people have unmet social needs. People like you and me care less if people like us or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

You think teens weren't left out of things back in the 80s and 90s? Sure it's perhaps more in your face now with social media but sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing to do when you know the other kids are out at parties has never been fun.

You just need to learn how to ignore it. That's life. You're not going to be included in everything. Better to accept that now and learn how to be happy anyway.

Social media makes social isolation and bullying several degrees of magnitude worse.
This is why psychologists and educators are agitating about its dangers.

Just because you think some parents are over-reacting, and they are, you shouldn't dismiss the real threats that come with social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

You think teens weren't left out of things back in the 80s and 90s? Sure it's perhaps more in your face now with social media but sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing to do when you know the other kids are out at parties has never been fun.

You just need to learn how to ignore it. That's life. You're not going to be included in everything. Better to accept that now and learn how to be happy anyway.

Social media makes social isolation and bullying several degrees of magnitude worse.
This is why psychologists and educators are agitating about its dangers.

Just because you think some parents are over-reacting, and they are, you shouldn't dismiss the real threats that come with social media.

I don't know why you are so stuck on social media. Keep your kid off it if it is such a concern to you or limit their use.

Most of the posts about this are not about social media anyway. There are about why hasn't their kid been invited to this or that play date or party and should they reach out to the other parents to get them invited. Um, NO. Don't do that. That'll make it worse, guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

BS. Pre social media kids knew if there was a party, event, outing whatever and they weren't invited or couldn't go. I definitely knew, pics or no pics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

There were not 200 girls in my class, there were 30 kids so 15 girls.

In high school, sure there were groups but everybody had a group. If there was a girls without a "group" somebody brought her into the fold. Nobody had nowhere to go on Halloween or on the weekends.

I went to a school with 100 girls per grade though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
While some parents make mountains out of molehills, you need to remember that there are some manipulative teens out there, and also that this isn't your generation - this one is dealing with the reverb effects of social media, which is merciless because it shows all the other people having fun without you. Adults suffer from this as well.

You think teens weren't left out of things back in the 80s and 90s? Sure it's perhaps more in your face now with social media but sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing to do when you know the other kids are out at parties has never been fun.

You just need to learn how to ignore it. That's life. You're not going to be included in everything. Better to accept that now and learn how to be happy anyway.

Social media makes social isolation and bullying several degrees of magnitude worse.
This is why psychologists and educators are agitating about its dangers.

Just because you think some parents are over-reacting, and they are, you shouldn't dismiss the real threats that come with social media.

I don't know why you are so stuck on social media. Keep your kid off it if it is such a concern to you or limit their use.

Most of the posts about this are not about social media anyway. There are about why hasn't their kid been invited to this or that play date or party and should they reach out to the other parents to get them invited. Um, NO. Don't do that. That'll make it worse, guaranteed.

My teens are not on social media.

OP wrote about parents worried about social rejection and fit - this should be unsurprising, given the more child-centered parenting of the current decades and the presence of social media.

It's easy to blame individual parents. It's harder to look at the larger perspective and see how societal changes and pressures lead some parents to suffer and complain in this way.

[Anonymous]

I think it's because many parents have experienced bullying and seen the lasting effects of it, and we have all heard about the kids who have committed suicide as a result, so they worry. My kids don't have an issue socially at this point, but I don't blame parents for worrying and trying to help. Parenting in general is a lot more hands on than it was when we were kids (for good and for ill; it's a mixed bag) so I don't think the comparison to when you were a kid is really apt.