I'm amazed by all the "social engineering" on here

[Anonymous]

Well, I never noticed or cared until my kid’s social life until she was taking to the ER by police car after a suicide hotline call.
What I can’t understand is people who judge other parents when we are all just trying to get through this life the best we can. Raising kids and teens especially is really, really hard. it’s so hard to know what’s going on with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

There were not 200 girls in my class, there were 30 kids so 15 girls.

In high school, sure there were groups but everybody had a group. If there was a girls without a "group" somebody brought her into the fold. Nobody had nowhere to go on Halloween or on the weekends.

I went to a school with 100 girls per grade though.

Ha! Just because you didn’t see the kids who we’re left out doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. The small high schools are the worst in that sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never noticed or cared until my kid’s social life until she was taking to the ER by police car after a suicide hotline call.
What I can’t understand is people who judge other parents when we are all just trying to get through this life the best we can. Raising kids and teens especially is really, really hard. it’s so hard to know what’s going on with them.

I am so sorry. Really. I hope your daughter is okay now? To OP, you sound like queen of the mean moms. Learn some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the parents stressing about their kids' social lives, agonizing about why they haven't been invited to this or that, writing tirades against the other parents for being "mean girls" and "social climbers" and assuming they are deliberately leaving your special snowflake out for Machiavellian reasons etc. etc. It utterly amazes me.

Have you ever thought that maybe the other kids just don't like your kid all that much and it's that simple? If you're on the periphery of a social group as it is, it's going to be "out of sight, out of mind" when you're not there. The simplest, kindest explanation is that the other kids are just not thinking to invite yours and you have to accept that.

Do you not remember what it's like to be this age? Friendships and their intensity change quickly at this age. I remember going through it myself and it would have been 1000% worse if I knew my mom was ruminating about it in her spare time instead of being benignly ignorant, as most tweens and teens hope for their parents to be about their social lives.

I know the parents writing these posts are going to say "well my kid doesn't know I am so stressed and worried about this" but I guarantee, if you are writing screeds about it on an anonymous message board, the emotion is apparent in your every day actions as well.

Mean mom found the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

There were not 200 girls in my class, there were 30 kids so 15 girls.

In high school, sure there were groups but everybody had a group. If there was a girls without a "group" somebody brought her into the fold. Nobody had nowhere to go on Halloween or on the weekends.

I went to a school with 100 girls per grade though.

Ha! Just because you didn’t see the kids who we’re left out doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. The small high schools are the worst in that sense.

Of course in your bitchy little world you wish that were true so you can feel better leaving people out. We were not a$$holes. We all knew each other and nobody was left out. Of course there people that just did not click but we still included them... our parents taught us to be gracious and kind something clearly lacking in your world.

[Anonymous]

What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Except sometimes kids are treated poorly by kids who are just kids, not sociopaths. When my son started MS he made friends easily. His buddy starting the same school did not, and in fact turned a lot of kids off with his behavior. It all kept escalating until there was unkindness on both sides. It did not help at first when his parents stepped in and started accusing everyone else of bullying, but it did slowly open the door to some honest conversations between adults and between kids and adults that were helpful. The adults did a little social engineering (like a small group was strongly encouraged to hang out with this kid, go to his birthday, etc., my son was encouraged to give him space) and I think the boy saw a counselor a few times though Im not sure. By the start of the next year a lot of the social conflict has was gone and friendships were formed.

I don’t think without adult involvement the toxic pattern would have ended so positively. The kid needed help to change his behavior and the “friend group” needed help to be a little more inclusive and understanding. All the grown ups involved had compassion about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never noticed or cared until my kid’s social life until she was taking to the ER by police car after a suicide hotline call.
What I can’t understand is people who judge other parents when we are all just trying to get through this life the best we can. Raising kids and teens especially is really, really hard. it’s so hard to know what’s going on with them.

I'm very sorry this happened. Some people (especially in this intense area) suck!

My son saw a boy post something on social media about suicide and he told us ... we called the counselor at school and nobody knew at all... not his teachers, not his parents, not his friends. It does not look like something or one thing. It's scary.

I hope your child is doing better. There are nice kids out there and the OP who posted "maybe we don't like your kid" ... like WTF is that. Not all kids/families are a-holes like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

+ 1

This came up in the long ToT thread. The poster was talking about how a group of neighborhood kids went ToTing without her kid, who doesn't live in the neighborhood. And a bunch of posters in there were like, why can't the parents consider the kids who don't live in the neighborhood and call them up. I was like, what?? The sheer entitlement of that thought. My kids also went out with their neighborhood friends and didn't call anyone else to come over. I assume they had their own neighborhood friends to go with but beyond that, I don't really care.

Look, we all work all day. We're also having our house renovated so it's a huge mess so that's super aggravating. Everyone has something going on whether it be a house renovation, old parents they care for, work stress, etc. The last thing I want to do on Halloween is put a bunch of time and effort into thinking about who my kid is going to go ToTing with. Go with the neighborhood kids and be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

You sound like a sociopath seriously get some help. No sane person thinks like this. I am sure your kid is similar.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

You sound like a sociopath seriously get some help. No sane person thinks like this. I am sure your kid is similar.

What is sociopathic about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Except sometimes kids are treated poorly by kids who are just kids, not sociopaths. When my son started MS he made friends easily. His buddy starting the same school did not, and in fact turned a lot of kids off with his behavior. It all kept escalating until there was unkindness on both sides. It did not help at first when his parents stepped in and started accusing everyone else of bullying, but it did slowly open the door to some honest conversations between adults and between kids and adults that were helpful. The adults did a little social engineering (like a small group was strongly encouraged to hang out with this kid, go to his birthday, etc., my son was encouraged to give him space) and I think the boy saw a counselor a few times though Im not sure. By the start of the next year a lot of the social conflict has was gone and friendships were formed.

I don’t think without adult involvement the toxic pattern would have ended so positively. The kid needed help to change his behavior and the “friend group” needed help to be a little more inclusive and understanding. All the grown ups involved had compassion about the situation.

Hello! Yes, thank you! GEEZ what is wrong with these posters.

A boy actually attacked my kid. The counselor called me, I'm like what is up with this kid... well his mom had brain surgery that week and guess what, he was acting out. So the counselor had my son and the boy play some board games together during a break and work things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

You sound like a sociopath seriously get some help. No sane person thinks like this. I am sure your kid is similar.

lol, this is not sociopathic! This is normal. Are you really inviting 20 + kids over to your house all the time?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Except sometimes kids are treated poorly by kids who are just kids, not sociopaths. When my son started MS he made friends easily. His buddy starting the same school did not, and in fact turned a lot of kids off with his behavior. It all kept escalating until there was unkindness on both sides. It did not help at first when his parents stepped in and started accusing everyone else of bullying, but it did slowly open the door to some honest conversations between adults and between kids and adults that were helpful. The adults did a little social engineering (like a small group was strongly encouraged to hang out with this kid, go to his birthday, etc., my son was encouraged to give him space) and I think the boy saw a counselor a few times though Im not sure. By the start of the next year a lot of the social conflict has was gone and friendships were formed.

I don’t think without adult involvement the toxic pattern would have ended so positively. The kid needed help to change his behavior and the “friend group” needed help to be a little more inclusive and understanding. All the grown ups involved had compassion about the situation.

This exactly. Yes sometimes kids are mean and being led by a ringleader especially boys. We saw this at our school where the Kinder parents and kind boys intervened in a situation and made it better and told the bully kids and bully parents to back off.