For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

Me too. Wonder how much love (or lack thereof) of your family plays into it for most people. My guess is it correlates strongly.

I'm sorry, what? Are you saying that women who choose to change their name don't love their families?

DP but I think the point is that there’s more impetus to change your name if you’re not close w your family of origin.

Not true. I changed my name to my husband's last name and I adore my father and am very close to him and I also didn't hate my maiden name and I got all my degrees (college, masters, doctorate) with my maiden name. I had no desire to escape my maiden name or my family in any way, shape or form. But I did want my family with my husband and my children to be all the same unit with the same name. Clearly, other people have different opinions, which is fine, but you can't lump people together in this.

I didn’t say that people who change their name dont love their family. I said if you don’t love your family, you might have more motivation to change your name.

[Anonymous]

My husband changed his last name to mine and our kids have my last name as well. We just liked my name better and it flowed more nicely with the kids’ first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Rachel Green named her daughter Emma Geller Green. So, her baby had her last name (and Ross’ last name as a middle name). I thought that was weird. Really weird.

What’s weird about that? It actually would make more sense if kids were given their mothers names since the mother is the one who actually carried and birthed the child and usually is the one who does majority of childcare after the child is born as well.

I think the fact that most kids in our society get their dads name is all about $$+men’s fragile egos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Rachel Green named her daughter Emma Geller Green. So, her baby had her last name (and Ross’ last name as a middle name). I thought that was weird. Really weird.

What’s weird about that? It actually would make more sense if kids were given their mothers names since the mother is the one who actually carried and birthed the child and usually is the one who does majority of childcare after the child is born as well.

I think the fact that most kids in our society get their dads name is all about $$+men’s fragile egos.

Plus Geller Green flows better than Green Geller.

Okay, here's a spin-off question. If you hyphenated, how did you decide which name came first -- was it for the sound/flow alone, or do most people put the mother's name first in the hyphenation?

[Anonymous]

OMG just do whatever you want. Change your name. Don't change your name. Give your kid either name. Understand that other cultures do things differently. There is not one universal way to do this. There is no right or wrong answer. None of this makes you more or less of a family unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband changed his last name to mine and our kids have my last name as well. We just liked my name better and it flowed more nicely with the kids’ first names.

So you had your kids and named them before your husband changed his name to yours?

[Anonymous]

I know a family who agreed that girls would have mom's last name and boys would have dad's. They ended up with boy/girl twins, which confuses everyone because they have different last names.

[Anonymous]

My mother kept her maiden name. It’s not a newfangled feminist movement.

[Anonymous]

In some Indian cultures, the children are given the father's first name as their last name. So say you are John Doe and Mary Smith, your kids would be Hannah John and Aidan John, and then your grandkids through Aidan would be Sophia Aidan and Emma Aidan. One family, lots of last names. Still one family though.

All of these people talking about people having one name because they are one family stuff - did you feel less close to your maternal grandparents and less a part of that family than you did to your paternal grandparents' family because you had your father's parents' last name? And for women who changed your last name to your husband's, do you feel closer to your husband's parents than to your own now because of your last name?

I think people feel close to their families because of the relationships. Not because of the last name. I am close to my children and always will be. We don't need the same last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband changed his last name to mine and our kids have my last name as well. We just liked my name better and it flowed more nicely with the kids’ first names.

LOL what a cuck. All his friends are laughing at him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a family who agreed that girls would have mom's last name and boys would have dad's. They ended up with boy/girl twins, which confuses everyone because they have different last names.

Why why why why why?

[Anonymous]

Ehh, I kept my name because it was too much hassle to change various documents, especially since I was professionally established (OK, not that much hassle, but too much for what I was going to get out of it), I was used to my name and DH's name wasn't any easier to spell than my complicated one so there wasn't even that small benefit. If he felt strongly about me changing my name, I might have done it because it didn't matter hugely to me, but he didn't care one way or another.

The kids have his name because none of those reasons applied. It wasn't some big fraught decision to keep my name or to have the kids have his. It was just the easiest course of action. Not everything has to be a result of massive soul searching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some Indian cultures, the children are given the father's first name as their last name. So say you are John Doe and Mary Smith, your kids would be Hannah John and Aidan John, and then your grandkids through Aidan would be Sophia Aidan and Emma Aidan. One family, lots of last names. Still one family though.

All of these people talking about people having one name because they are one family stuff - did you feel less close to your maternal grandparents and less a part of that family than you did to your paternal grandparents' family because you had your father's parents' last name? And for women who changed your last name to your husband's, do you feel closer to your husband's parents than to your own now because of your last name?

I think people feel close to their families because of the relationships. Not because of the last name. I am close to my children and always will be. We don't need the same last name.

Iceland does a similar thing--father's first name and then adds an ending based on whether the child is a boy or girl.

[Anonymous]

It used to be that a child that didn’t have the father’s name was illegitimate. You will see this designation on older birth certificates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Rachel Green named her daughter Emma Geller Green. So, her baby had her last name (and Ross’ last name as a middle name). I thought that was weird. Really weird.

What’s weird about that? It actually would make more sense if kids were given their mothers names since the mother is the one who actually carried and birthed the child and usually is the one who does majority of childcare after the child is born as well.

I think the fact that most kids in our society get their dads name is all about $$+men’s fragile egos.

Plus Geller Green flows better than Green Geller.

Okay, here's a spin-off question. If you hyphenated, how did you decide which name came first -- was it for the sound/flow alone, or do most people put the mother's name first in the hyphenation?

Since my name was Larla Jean Smith, I added my husband’s name to mine: Larla Jean Smith-Jones. That’s the logical way to hyphenate: keep your name and add his at the end. I only know one person who hyphenated and placed his name first, and the consensus among our peer group was that’s weird. Plus, Ladies first.