For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Just found this, I am not going to read the previous pages.

I did not change my name and we choose to give our children their father’s last name. We had thought about hyphenating, but it would have been too long. When we married we thought about both changing our names to a combination of our names, but that did not work very well either. It was a compromise to give them DH’s last name. In the end we had two boys, and both have their first name from my parent’s name. We gave our older son my mother’s maiden name and my younger son my Dad’s first name. Older son’s middle name is DH’s mother’s maiden name and younger son’s middle name is DH’s father’s name.

If I had known about the tradition of having two middle names for formal occasions. I would have had my last name be that second middle name.

[Anonymous]

I did not change my name. I’ve had my last name for 30 years and I like it and honestly I didn’t really like my husband’s last name. Another reason was that I have a daughter from a previous marriage with another last name. So all 3 of us have different last names. We are expecting our first together and the baby will get my husband’s last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Why are you picking a fight over this?

This. Don't be a doofus, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

This is what I did. My husband and I come from very different ethnic backgrounds and if either one of us took the other person's name it would shock most people when the name was an obvious dissonance to the face. The kid is a mutt, though looks more like me, so he has First Name My Last name as middle, Dads last name.

And forgot to add - we went with an Ethnic first name from my ethnic background, so i got 2 out of 3 for this deal!

This is me exactly! Ethnic first name (of my ethnicity), my last name as my son's middle name, my husband's last name.

[Anonymous]

Where I am from (a country in Europe) women don’t take their husbands’ last name when they get married. I find it so strange. As I find strange being called Mrs. John Smith. I married an American, kept my name and our kids have his name. That is how it is in my country and I cannot understand how anyone would want to change their name especially after 20-30 years of having one name. I think American women are probably more feminist and emancipated than women in my country, but for some small things (like this one) they are absolutely not

[Anonymous]

There was no single first name that we both loved so I picked the first name ( because I cared about that more) and he picked the last ( because he cared more about that).

[Anonymous]

I kept my name because I am a feminist and it is ridiculous to expect me to change my name.

Kids are hyphenated last names. DH didn’t want to, I insisted - they are my kids as well as his.

I think the whole thing about hyphenated last names being “too long” is defensive - if you have a long last name like Richardson, you don’t think of it as burdensome. I’m not saying you should hyphenate, just that “too long” is not a reasonable excuse - just own that you don’t want to hyphenate.

[Anonymous]

It’s convention for kids to get their fathers last name, so that’s what we did. It’s also convention in my field of work (science) for women to keep their maiden, so that’s what I did. I’m shocked that anyone cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my name because I am a feminist and it is ridiculous to expect me to change my name.

Kids are hyphenated last names. DH didn’t want to, I insisted - they are my kids as well as his.

I think the whole thing about hyphenated last names being “too long” is defensive - if you have a long last name like Richardson, you don’t think of it as burdensome. I’m not saying you should hyphenate, just that “too long” is not a reasonable excuse - just own that you don’t want to hyphenate.

You lack imagination. My husband and I both have four syllable last names that are much harder to spell/pronounce than "Richardson." Hyphenation would be absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my name because I am a feminist and it is ridiculous to expect me to change my name.

Kids are hyphenated last names. DH didn’t want to, I insisted - they are my kids as well as his.

I think the whole thing about hyphenated last names being “too long” is defensive - if you have a long last name like Richardson, you don’t think of it as burdensome. I’m not saying you should hyphenate, just that “too long” is not a reasonable excuse - just own that you don’t want to hyphenate.

Sad, and dash may not be a valid username

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

We gave the kids whichever name was shortest and easiest to spell. Both were crazy namesakes and only found in one EU and one mid eastern country. Actually quite patronizing to use since we are 3G Americans and the kids are 4G Americans,

[Anonymous]

I am Fredson, son of Fred, my father.
Our kids are Danielson, son of Daniel, my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is weird. I didn't change my name and my kid has husband's last name. Out of 20 kids in her preschool class for two years straight, 50% of moms had a different last name from dad, but (no joke) 100% of kids had dad's last name or hyphenated. We think through the decision about whether to change our names when we get married, but still default to the societal norm for our kids.

We did the same. My kid has my last name as the middle, but 99% of the time she is First HusbandLast. We decided to do it the other way around First HusbandLast MyLast for a second kid, and it was actually husband's idea to do it that way, but alas secondary infertility got in the way and we're one and done.

I didn't change my last name either. Though we discussed my husband changing his last name to mine for quite some time. When he decided he didn't want to change his name due to his career and understanding that it seems normal for a mom not to have the same last name as their child but a man would likely be questioned for having a different last name when doing pickups, travels, etc. Though we probably should have been active in changing this society norm, we decided to give the children his last name.

My kids do not have my last name as their middle name.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name because it’s part of my identity and I married in my 30s. I’m not attached to the idea of passing down the family name (my father’s name), so I didn’t need my kids to have my last name in whole or hyphenated. Moreover, and more importantly, my DH is from another culture and to shore up that part of the kids’ identity, they have first names from that culture and his last name.

The real feminist move would be to go with the maternal last name, and both spouses take that. I can’t take hyphenated names. For those who hyphenate, how do you decide which name comes first? And what happens when your hyphenated kid wants to marry another hyphenated kid?

The worst is women who hyphenate and add their husband’s last name while the husband just keeps his name the same. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

This. Plus our children are adopted so paperwork is a mess as it is, so easier to have dad's last name, and my last name as a middle name