How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

[Anonymous]

Serious question here. Given how many posts we get about husbands being lazy, not helping at home, in fact making more mess than when they are not at home, allowing kids to do dangerous things and make messes they do not pick up, why do so many women think it is the best thing ever that they work and take care of the house and kids? It seems to me, we traded sah type of work and ended up much, much worse. For regular income families, not OP that has the means to "outsource" all her kids care and housekeeping. Bcs most of us are not in a position to have that luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why send the kids away this week? Why not BE WITH them?

Why don't you share your inheritance? I shared my inheritance, so I'm not richer than my spouse.

Can you answer this, OP?

Not sure what you mean (this is OP, haven’t been on today, not sure who other posters are talking about but many women with personal net worth choose to work and especially in nonprofit environments - there are 2 in similar situations in my office alone. Also think some of you don’t understand the definition of troll.. ??)

I share with him in that I paid off his loans and bought the home we live in in cash in both our names (essentially giving him 500k). Our wills are detailed, but the inherited accounts would go largely to my children with him and my brother (who inherited an equal amount and manages it similarly) as co-trustees. It’s family money I didn’t earn and if something happened to me and he were to remarry etc, I’d want it to go to my children. He has no issue at all with that. Our salaries and dividends from inheritance are deposited into a joint account.

So you are blessed to have a job that is really a hobby? And you think that working out of home rather than staying at home with your kids is a decision that everyone should make in similar situation to yours? The right decision, the not lazy decision? Me thinks you protest too much. You outsource all of your kids care, you outsource housekeeping. Are your kids truly better off this way? Maybe. I do know that this is really helping people you pay to help with your kids and chores, as they benefit from this income, to them there is no decision about SAH or not, they are grateful that you pay them so they can put food on their table. The high and mighty attitude shows how clueless you are about the reality of life and work for most people in the US and around the world. Very, very few people have the money to afford your lifestyle, and yet what you choose to do here is climb a pedestal and preach to the "masses." Maybe take a trip to a poor country and ask the mom who carries her baby on her back, and then goes to an ally to prostitute herself for food, is she proud to be a working mom. But she is a working mother I admire, that I have seen with my own eyes. You, on the other hand, I pity. Not because you work, not because you have money, but because of what your attitude is and the fact that with all that wealth you are utterly blind and deaf to even pause for a second and see why do you need to judge other people. To most people WOH or SAH is a choice made out of financial necessity, not privilege. You have no business telling anyone what they should feel guilty or not about, you literarily work for fun and have all the help you need to be lazy for this one week. When other working spouses have a week off, they have million chores to do, and can't laze around the pool and hence feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

So you work at a hobby job and outsource the bulk of your childcare and housework- in a week off of work for your unnecessary hobby job to keep your kids I paid childcare so you can sit by the pool- but ORHER people are lazy and entitled? Kicker- all of this shirking of personal or parental responsibility is thanks to money you didn’t earn but inherited?
Okay then.

[Anonymous]

p

Anonymous wrote:So you work at a hobby job and outsource the bulk of your childcare and housework- in a week off of work for your unnecessary hobby job to keep your kids I paid childcare so you can sit by the pool- but ORHER people are lazy and entitled? Kicker- all of this shirking of personal or parental responsibility is thanks to money you didn’t earn but inherited?
Okay then.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. Why does anyone care what strangers are doing. Many of us have a blessed life and we do not want to be martyrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

I'm not a martyr. I just get shit done. If you need help, that's fine for you, but don't try to knock me down for being more capable. Or less susceptible to stress. Or more efficient. Or whatever it is that allows me to be happy and do more than you at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

I'm not a martyr. I just get shit done. If you need help, that's fine for you, but don't try to knock me down for being more capable. Or less susceptible to stress. Or more efficient. Or whatever it is that allows me to be happy and do more than you at the same time.

NP here. No one is knocking you. You are knocking others and you are in competition with others.

I am a SAHM and I do more than you - more relaxing and enjoying life with my DH and kids. And I proudly own it. I don't want your life, your work, your DH your kids or your envy.

[Anonymous]

No. Don't feel guilty. I am married to a high earner and we have a great life. Our family is thriving and my DH appreciates me at home. So why should I feel guilty when my family wants me to enjoy life? And I am certainly not guilty that he chose me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

I'm not a martyr. I just get shit done. If you need help, that's fine for you, but don't try to knock me down for being more capable. Or less susceptible to stress. Or more efficient. Or whatever it is that allows me to be happy and do more than you at the same time.

NP here. No one is knocking you. You are knocking others and you are in competition with others.

I am a SAHM and I do more than you - more relaxing and enjoying life with my DH and kids. And I proudly own it. I don't want your life, your work, your DH your kids or your envy.

Yep.

And I am not even a stay at home mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

I'm not a martyr. I just get shit done. If you need help, that's fine for you, but don't try to knock me down for being more capable. Or less susceptible to stress. Or more efficient. Or whatever it is that allows me to be happy and do more than you at the sa

Oh dear, I am not trying to put you down. You were trying to put down SAHM by saying that you do all that they do and on top of that you “work”. Not sure how you can have a FT job andtake your kids to activities unless they have them at 5-6pm. Anyway, you were trying to put other people down by saying that you do it all and therefore you win. Personally, I would never trade your “abilities” for doing it all, but I am glad you enjoy it (most people would not)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

I would not be proud of that. I work, but I have other people take care of my house, meals, pick up the kids from preschool (if you work you can’t pick them up at 12:30 pm). Why are women proud of being martyrs? I chose to work partly because I could never (and would not be good at it) do what SAHMs do... I would Never be proud (or feel like) to have to do both things

I'm not a martyr. I just get shit done. If you need help, that's fine for you, but don't try to knock me down for being more capable. Or less susceptible to stress. Or more efficient. Or whatever it is that allows me to be happy and do more than you at the same time.

NP here. No one is knocking you. You are knocking others and you are in competition with others.

I am a SAHM and I do more than you - more relaxing and enjoying life with my DH and kids. And I proudly own it. I don't want your life, your work, your DH your kids or your envy.

Yep.

And I am not even a stay at home mom.

+2 that doesn't sound like anything to brag about to me...

And yes, if you were really so content with your life you would not be lashing out at strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: p

Anonymous wrote:So you work at a hobby job and outsource the bulk of your childcare and housework- in a week off of work for your unnecessary hobby job to keep your kids I paid childcare so you can sit by the pool- but ORHER people are lazy and entitled? Kicker- all of this shirking of personal or parental responsibility is thanks to money you didn’t earn but inherited?
Okay then.

+1000. Plus OP brags about how great she is on DCUM and is identifiable because she does it constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think one person has answered the question posed.

No, because SAHMs are really defensive. Blah, blah, blah...I do so much...whine whine whine.

Save it ladies, I do all the stuff you do and work 3/4 time. I take my kids to school and to their activities. I help them with their homework. I actually clean my own house. And I love my job. Lucky me.

Funny, you don’t sound like a happy person.

[Anonymous]

How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

Better question: How do you not feel guilty leaving you children in full time care, when you are not working?