How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

[Anonymous]

This truly isn't meant to be attacking anyone, and I hope there can be a serious discussion about it.

I work, but due to some weird circumstances have this week basically off. Kids are 4 (full time daycare/preschool) and 7 (camp including aftercare). This post does NOT apply to moms with young kids at home - that I get. This week I've found myself feeling guilty that I can go to the pool and read, see friends, etc while DH is stuck at work. Our situation is unique - I have a significant net worth due to inheritance but prefer to work, and DH has a good but not insane job (the inheritance was able to pay off his loans, our mortgage etc). My job is much more flexible so I'm the default parent, which is totally fine - but he more than pulls his weight.

Do women (or men who stay home) justify this by saying they had to deal with pregnancy etc? Or that the kids might need something during the day? Or that maintaining the household takes the whole day? Or they relax without guilt and I'm the weird one?

Thoughts welcome.

[Anonymous]

You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why you would feel guilty for a one week thing. I don’t think all the stuff about finances even bears on the discussion. Lucky you, you got a boondoggle week off. I would enjoy it and feel no guilt but maybe try to accomplish a few tasks that would lighten the load on DH or check off a few boxes on the family to do list.

[Anonymous]

Well most SAHP put in the grunt work early on. Plus very few that I know send their kids to school or camp plus wraparound care.

In our district, school starts at 9 and they’re home by 3 (I drop off but they take the bus home). Then we’re busy with their various activities until dinner. 3 kids x 3 activities = a lot of juggling and driving.

During the summer, my kids do tennis or swim lessons in the morning (3 hours at most) then have afternoons free to do whatever with me. I really like being with them in the summers.

[Anonymous]

I think for a lot of people, there is (a lot) more to life than money. It seems hard for some to grasp, but the people in your life have value beyond what money they do (or do not) make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

+1

Why though? Seriously. This is OP, and no need to be defensive. I have no idea why I feel this way and others don't, and am curious. Not exactly something I can ask in real life.

[Anonymous]

No one has to "justify" anything to you. Most of us who have to work wouldn't choose to do so, at least not in the capacity that we currently do, if we could afford not to.

I can easily see how having a SAHP would be a huge blessing / benefit for the entire family and household. Get out of here with your drama

[Anonymous]

My choice to stay mom was mutual and, frankly, I don't have that much free time. Other than exercising daily, I spend my day taking care of our family and managing the household. I am the family meal planner, cook, errand runner, tutor, scheduler, nurse, budget planner, petsitter, etc. We are a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

+1

Why though? Seriously. This is OP, and no need to be defensive. I have no idea why I feel this way and others don't, and am curious. Not exactly something I can ask in real life.

You truly can't read your post and see why it paints you as a judgmental, self righteous busybody? That does not tell us good things about your general intelligence level or reasoning skills...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

+1

Why though? Seriously. This is OP, and no need to be defensive. I have no idea why I feel this way and others don't, and am curious. Not exactly something I can ask in real life.

You truly can't read your post and see why it paints you as a judgmental, self righteous busybody? That does not tell us good things about your general intelligence level or reasoning skills...

Not at all.
I feel guilty when my husband is working and I'm relaxing. You sound incredibly defensive, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one has to "justify" anything to you. Most of us who have to work wouldn't choose to do so, at least not in the capacity that we currently do, if we could afford not to.

I can easily see how having a SAHP would be a huge blessing / benefit for the entire family and household. Get out of here with your drama

I was honestly asking, as some of my closest friends don't work, and I love and respect them. My mother didn't work, either. It's not drama to me. But I may have been expecting too much for a rational discussion here.

Guess I have to ask it this way - any other working moms feel this way? SAHMs too defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one has to "justify" anything to you. Most of us who have to work wouldn't choose to do so, at least not in the capacity that we currently do, if we could afford not to.

I can easily see how having a SAHP would be a huge blessing / benefit for the entire family and household. Get out of here with your drama

+1 no one has to justify anything to you. Might want to take a little of this free time and work on a hobby or personal development, rather than worrying so much about other people's choices and trying to start drama online.

I wouldn't work if I didn't have to, but my husband certainly values me for more than the money I bring in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has to "justify" anything to you. Most of us who have to work wouldn't choose to do so, at least not in the capacity that we currently do, if we could afford not to.

I can easily see how having a SAHP would be a huge blessing / benefit for the entire family and household. Get out of here with your drama

+1 no one has to justify anything to you. Might want to take a little of this free time and work on a hobby or personal development, rather than worrying so much about other people's choices and trying to start drama online.

I wouldn't work if I didn't have to, but my husband certainly values me for more than the money I bring in

Uh, no one said otherwise..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are one judgemental, self righteous busybody...

+1

Why though? Seriously. This is OP, and no need to be defensive. I have no idea why I feel this way and others don't, and am curious. Not exactly something I can ask in real life.

You truly can't read your post and see why it paints you as a judgmental, self righteous busybody? That does not tell us good things about your general intelligence level or reasoning skills...

Not at all.
I feel guilty when my husband is working and I'm relaxing. You sound incredibly defensive, BTW.

Hahaha NP here. You may want to go back and read it then, you come across as a dramatic, judgy busybody trying to stir the pot for sure