Reply to Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home. [/quote]

Here are some possibilities. Go see a doctor and talk about this.

1. You're able to "live" in your depression when they're gone -- you aren't really out of it (that's my suspicion). You can eat junk, watch tv, and navel gaze to your heart's content. Are you actually out doing all the exciting things you'd like to do if you left this marriage while they're gone?

2. Military spouse here -- I go through something similar when my husband returns. It's very, very common. You have a routine. It works for you. Now someone else is upsetting that routine ... But then you get into a new routine, etc..

3. EVERYONE with small children is happier when they aren't home, by and large. You miss them, and you enjoy them at times when they are around, but the relentless feed-clean-sleep-wake-drive of children doesn't leave room for much self-indulgence.

4. You have a hard time coping with noise and chaos in your living space.

5. You have a hard time with abrupt transitions in general.

6. You are depressed, which makes you tired and cranky, something you can deal with when you are on your own by doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. When you have to interact with other people on their schedules, it's difficult.

You seem really, really invested in this conversation here on DCUM -- who are you? Is any of this really true? Why don't you make some appointments?[/quote]

Thank you, gives me some good perspectives.

Yes this is real. I’m a 40 year old male who lives outside the USA.

I’m invested because it’s so good to hear so many perspectives, and it’s free advice. Counsellors/therapists are expensive and I never feel like I make significant progress. I know it’s ultimately up to me to figure it out, but it’s nise to hear confirmation that this is an issue with me and not my wife or any of my past relationships. [/quote]

FWIW, at this point I think you'd just be wasting money on therapy. You don't need to talk anymore about what would make you happy, or try to figure out what you really want, or try to figure out what made you this way. You need an MD Psychiatrist who believes depression is an organic brain disease and can help you fight it.

Yes, in reality, your depression is likely some mix of brain chemistry and your own history, but you can't even see reality right now. As someone said up thread, this is not "minor" depression. It might not even be depression; it might be something else. But you need a doc with a pill pad and patience to find something that works.[/quote]

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