SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

I had the exact same thought.

I stay at home(kids in elem school) and work part-time as an artist and I agree completely. Who does errands 20 hours a week? I don't...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy with my choice to SAHM until my youngest were in school. I'm very blessed to have been able to do such, and I realize this. Most of my WOHM friends tell me how lucky I've been.

I now work very part time. When my youngest enter MS I'll look for full time, but they enjoy having me around, and I love hanging out with them after school, during breaks and during the summer. Their friends, whose parents WOH, tell them that they're lucky that their Mom is home.

There's a little of jealously on this board. Stand tall if you're happy with your decision, but don't attack others because they give a different perspective.

Do you need to realize how rude this sounds to women who have to work? Or you so self-involved that you cant even see that?

I doubt PP was trying to be rude if she's simply quoting what other kids said. My daughter's friend said the same thing to me. Said she wished she could spend summers with her mom rather than at camp.

I'm sure its hard to hear that if you're working and doing your best to provide for your kids but there is no reason to be angry at other parents for their choices.

Upsides and downsides to both, my dd says she wants to be a lawyer like me.

[Anonymous]

And I am not offended, nor will I accuse you of being nasty or making SAHMs feel bad about their decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy with my choice to SAHM until my youngest were in school. I'm very blessed to have been able to do such, and I realize this. Most of my WOHM friends tell me how lucky I've been.

I now work very part time. When my youngest enter MS I'll look for full time, but they enjoy having me around, and I love hanging out with them after school, during breaks and during the summer. Their friends, whose parents WOH, tell them that they're lucky that their Mom is home.

There's a little of jealously on this board. Stand tall if you're happy with your decision, but don't attack others because they give a different perspective.

Do you need to realize how rude this sounds to women who have to work? Or you so self-involved that you cant even see that?

I say this kind of thing to my SAHM friends all the time to make them feel better - "your kids must be so happy you're at home all the time! they're so lucky!" (while not thinking this)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home with elementary school kids. Fwiw, while they are at school I go to the gym, meet friends or my mom/sisters for coffee or lunch, ride my horse, and volunteer at a local museum as a docent. I welcome the kids home after school, we eat a snack together and talk about their days, I help with hw, then I drive them to their activities. I honestly feel pretty busy and fulfilled with this, although I am thinking about going back to school for a master's in history at some point. That's if I don't get pregnant with our fourth, which we are trying (but failing) to do. On a day to day basis, I know I am much happier than most of my friends who work because they have to, because they need the money. I think that is true of probably 90% of the work force. My H is one of those oddballs who loves what he does and eventually wants to do it on his own on a freelance basis, so I know they exist. If I could get paid to do my volunteer job and talk to people who are genuinely interested in history for a few hours 2-3 days a week, I would be one too. Alas they can easily get by with volunteers

Anyway, this whole back and forth is puzzling to me. I am pretty satisfied and grateful for my setup. Other ladies in here seem happy with their jobs. I wouldn't dream of telling them to quit or call them bad mothers for refusing to do so. But you're honestly going to tell me I should go back to work and be stressed and tired for...what reason, exactly? Feminism? What is wrong with being a caregiver? Why do we devalue this work? We're so narrowly focused on money in this country. It's disheartening, really.

I'm sorry but this is so untrue. It's great that you are satisfied with staying home. But many, many women do actually like working. If you look at studies, the majority of mothers in the U.S. prefer to work part-time (compared to working full-time or staying at home full time). Most girls grow up wanting to do more than stay at home. Most girls want to have a career, even something low-key or not overly ambitious. It's not about money, it's about applying the education you got and "being something" more than a mother. So YOU may be happy staying at home and that's wonderful for you. And it may make you feel better to think that women who work are not as happy as you, or that the work force is all miserable. But it's just not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not so great paying work from home jobs don't interest me. We don't need the money so why tie up your whole day so you can work in pajamas?

If you have a real full time job, you will not have much time with the kids.

I make $165k as a Fed full-time from home with 5.5 weeks va action and great health benefits and unlimited sick leave.

I also have a "real full time job" making about the same with 6 weeks of vacation and work in my pajamas about 3 days a week. Not a fed. A lot of people work from home some or most of the week, it's not that uncommon. My company is global is so my team is all over, including oversees. Doesn't make sense to go into an office to talk to people another city.

+1

Lots of women in my close-in neighborhood have gigs like this.

My husband does make a lot more than me since I 'leaned out'. However, I WAH with great flexibility and only work while the kids are in school. These salaries for a single person are not exactly slouchy.

It makes sense to be making $ instead of watching Real Housewives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home with elementary school kids. Fwiw, while they are at school I go to the gym, meet friends or my mom/sisters for coffee or lunch, ride my horse, and volunteer at a local museum as a docent. I welcome the kids home after school, we eat a snack together and talk about their days, I help with hw, then I drive them to their activities. I honestly feel pretty busy and fulfilled with this, although I am thinking about going back to school for a master's in history at some point. That's if I don't get pregnant with our fourth, which we are trying (but failing) to do. On a day to day basis, I know I am much happier than most of my friends who work because they have to, because they need the money. I think that is true of probably 90% of the work force. My H is one of those oddballs who loves what he does and eventually wants to do it on his own on a freelance basis, so I know they exist. If I could get paid to do my volunteer job and talk to people who are genuinely interested in history for a few hours 2-3 days a week, I would be one too. Alas they can easily get by with volunteers

Anyway, this whole back and forth is puzzling to me. I am pretty satisfied and grateful for my setup. Other ladies in here seem happy with their jobs. I wouldn't dream of telling them to quit or call them bad mothers for refusing to do so. But you're honestly going to tell me I should go back to work and be stressed and tired for...what reason, exactly? Feminism? What is wrong with being a caregiver? Why do we devalue this work? We're so narrowly focused on money in this country. It's disheartening, really.

So says Seabiscuit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

You are missing things but you don't know that you are. BTW I never outsource driving, you may gravely regret that.

Cool. I don't know that I'm missing them, so I'm not missing anything.

Good on you that you never outsource driving. I'm sure you find is a great bonding experience, I dont.

Actually driving is exactly when my kids open up to me and discuss sensitive things.

Sounds meaningful. Our drives to activities no longer than 3 miles -city life, your muse be in Stafford or something. I play chess each night with my older child, and that is when he opens up. No when in the car hardly long enough to get his seat belt on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. In this area, who is making 250k or more? I am curious what profession you have too lol. It seems like the majority of the people on this message board is making over 150k...I just wonder where all the crazy high paying jobs are? Even as a government employee you are pretty much maxed out at 125k.

Sales. Approx 280k/yr. I WFH when I'm not seeing clients, which is about 2 days a week. Since I sell to the government all my meetings are well before 3pm. It's a rare day that I'm home after 430pm.

Quitting work would be absolutely idiotic and irresponsible. The difference between a 250k HHI and a 530k HHI is staggering. I had my kids at 25 and 27. I'm 38 with a 13 & 11yr old and have so many years left of high earning potential. Plus I work for an It company that I went IPO with and have restricted stock that I would dream of walking away from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home with elementary school kids. Fwiw, while they are at school I go to the gym, meet friends or my mom/sisters for coffee or lunch, ride my horse, and volunteer at a local museum as a docent. I welcome the kids home after school, we eat a snack together and talk about their days, I help with hw, then I drive them to their activities. I honestly feel pretty busy and fulfilled with this, although I am thinking about going back to school for a master's in history at some point. That's if I don't get pregnant with our fourth, which we are trying (but failing) to do. On a day to day basis, I know I am much happier than most of my friends who work because they have to, because they need the money. I think that is true of probably 90% of the work force. My H is one of those oddballs who loves what he does and eventually wants to do it on his own on a freelance basis, so I know they exist. If I could get paid to do my volunteer job and talk to people who are genuinely interested in history for a few hours 2-3 days a week, I would be one too. Alas they can easily get by with volunteers

Anyway, this whole back and forth is puzzling to me. I am pretty satisfied and grateful for my setup. Other ladies in here seem happy with their jobs. I wouldn't dream of telling them to quit or call them bad mothers for refusing to do so. But you're honestly going to tell me I should go back to work and be stressed and tired for...what reason, exactly? Feminism? What is wrong with being a caregiver? Why do we devalue this work? We're so narrowly focused on money in this country. It's disheartening, really.

I'm sorry but this is so untrue. It's great that you are satisfied with staying home. But many, many women do actually like working. If you look at studies, the majority of mothers in the U.S. prefer to work part-time (compared to working full-time or staying at home full time). Most girls grow up wanting to do more than stay at home. Most girls want to have a career, even something low-key or not overly ambitious. It's not about money, it's about applying the education you got and "being something" more than a mother. So YOU may be happy staying at home and that's wonderful for you. And it may make you feel better to think that women who work are not as happy as you, or that the work force is all miserable. But it's just not the case.

I read that quote as 90% of people work because they have to because they need the money. Not that 90% are necessarily unhappy doing so. I think it is true though. Most people would quit if they won the lottery and do something else, usually something volunteer or charitably minded. If you disagree, you are very deep in the UMC bubble.

[Anonymous]

I"m a working mom. I like my job and I derive a lot of satisfaction and a sense of identity from it. I have no plans to give it up. However, I have to agree that if I suddenly won the lottery or they stopped paying me, hell yes I would quit! Yes of course I work for the money. I don't think it takes anything away from me or my accomplishments to acknowledge that. So does my husband. We both have outside interests that pay nothing or very little (not enough to have our lifestyle now in other words) that we'd love to pursue if we had the time and money to do so.

You're out of your mind if you think the vast, vast majority of people wouldn't quit their day jobs if they suddenly came into millions of dollars somehow.


The one thing that gives me pause is the idea of marrying that kind of money. I don't know what I would do because obviously you can't count on your marriage making it. You can hope but you can't guarantee it.

[Anonymous]

NP. Um, yeah I have to agree that most people work because they need or want the money. Not sure where PP is going with that! lol. Very few people would keep doing the jobs they have for free. Especially when you consider how small the % of professional jobs is to nonprofessional in our economy. Yikes. Can you imagine the nerve of the PP saying that to a cashier or an Uber driver? They might like aspects of their jobs (and I hope they do) but I would be serious money that they would quit in a heartbeat if they won the lottery. If you have the kind of situation where you genuinely love what you do and would do it for free, you are unbelievably LUCKY.

[Anonymous]

This thread went off the rails into the usual SAHM vs WOHM debate. It's not what OP asked. She asked whether it seems more necessary to stay home when kids are older. I and some other posters tried to answer the question and said that if you can use your experience to make your job somewhat flexible to very flexible, this perceived need to stay home when the kids are in school becomes somewhat overstated because you'll have found a schedule that doesn't require you to miss much time with the kids.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't stay home if you can afford it and think it would be nice.

I have a few SAHM friends that think haven't gone back because the logistics seem really insurmountable and that just hasn't been my experience. There's obviously more planning and expense and some hassle than not working but not enough to forgo the 6 figure paycheck that our family can use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

I had the exact same thought.

I stay at home(kids in elem school) and work part-time as an artist and I agree completely. Who does errands 20 hours a week? I don't...

Different poster. I have 2 kids. It is hard driving multiple kids to different activities after school. My busiest times are 3-7. I am not going to say it is harder than working. I do think it is harder than working with younger children in daycare where you only have to drop off and pick up. I think that is what the original thread is about.

I work out, run errands, get mani pedis, meet friends and DH for coffee and lunch. I probably spend 1 day per week watching tv (gasp!) while doing laundry. I run errands for DH sometimes. I was a stressed out working mom always feeling stretched too thin. I like our lives better now. Everyone is happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Um, yeah I have to agree that most people work because they need or want the money. Not sure where PP is going with that! lol. Very few people would keep doing the jobs they have for free. Especially when you consider how small the % of professional jobs is to nonprofessional in our economy. Yikes. Can you imagine the nerve of the PP saying that to a cashier or an Uber driver? They might like aspects of their jobs (and I hope they do) but I would be serious money that they would quit in a heartbeat if they won the lottery. If you have the kind of situation where you genuinely love what you do and would do it for free, you are unbelievably LUCKY.

I'm a SAHM. I had a flexible job that paid decently $150k+. I enjoyed about 20% of my work. I had a great boss and co-workers. I hated rushing to/from work. Now that I am a SAHM, I do miss my co-workers but I don't necessarily miss the work. DH earns a 7 figure income so we did not need my income. Since I quit, DH's income has only gone up.