I wish I had never become a parent

[Anonymous]

OP, you're angry at anyone who tries to give you advice. All you want is someone to tell you how right you are to feel the way you do.

I'm done trying to help you. Other people can't help someone like you, because you don't want help, you want it all to go away, which isn't going to happen. You want to bitch and moan? Fine, enjoy your echo chamber of how hard your life is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being kind of an asshole OP. You've been an ass to people on this board most of the day.. if the advice didn't fit what you exactly wanted. Just chill. Unplug.

I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid for your child. I feel like you need to get a sitter and go talk to someone - in real life.

I want to know what type of job she works where she can be so active on two different posts and all pissed off all day.

Which now makes me think she's trolling special needs, which is horrible.

No. I went home, as several people suggested. Once again, sanctimony and presumption. Classic DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're angry at anyone who tries to give you advice. All you want is someone to tell you how right you are to feel the way you do.

I'm done trying to help you. Other people can't help someone like you, because you don't want help, you want it all to go away, which isn't going to happen. You want to bitch and moan? Fine, enjoy your echo chamber of how hard your life is.

I never asked for help. I asked for a place to vent. If you don't want to listen, that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're angry at anyone who tries to give you advice. All you want is someone to tell you how right you are to feel the way you do.

I'm done trying to help you. Other people can't help someone like you, because you don't want help, you want it all to go away, which isn't going to happen. You want to bitch and moan? Fine, enjoy your echo chamber of how hard your life is.

My thoughts exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're angry at anyone who tries to give you advice. All you want is someone to tell you how right you are to feel the way you do.

I'm done trying to help you. Other people can't help someone like you, because you don't want help, you want it all to go away, which isn't going to happen. You want to bitch and moan? Fine, enjoy your echo chamber of how hard your life is.

I never asked for help. I asked for a place to vent. If you don't want to listen, that's fine.

This is more than a vent. This is a tirade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being kind of an asshole OP. You've been an ass to people on this board most of the day.. if the advice didn't fit what you exactly wanted. Just chill. Unplug.

I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid for your child. I feel like you need to get a sitter and go talk to someone - in real life.

This could be turned around. Several of you seem to get upset if your advice (which wasn't asked for in her OP) isn't accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're angry at anyone who tries to give you advice. All you want is someone to tell you how right you are to feel the way you do.

I'm done trying to help you. Other people can't help someone like you, because you don't want help, you want it all to go away, which isn't going to happen. You want to bitch and moan? Fine, enjoy your echo chamber of how hard your life is.

I never asked for help. I asked for a place to vent. If you don't want to listen, that's fine.

This is more than a vent. This is a tirade.

You know, I find it interesting that people who make unfounded assumptions, and are snarky and mean and unhelpful get REALLY upset when the target of their ire doesn't sit back and agree. Oh yes, you're right, you know more about my life than I do. Thank you for pointing out all the (incorrect) ways that I am falling short today.



There has been plenty of advice on this thread that I've taken into account today and several posters I've thanked for their kind words. But you seem REALLY invested in proving that someone who (incorrectly) assumed negative things about me and the steps I have taken to help my son is some kind of victim here b/c I didn't lay down and let her denigrate me.

[Anonymous]

I'm not upset at all. The advice is free - take it or leave it. Just don't act like an asshole bc you don't like it.

Did OP come on here thinking people would be sooooo sympathetic just bc we have SN kids? Look, we are all struggling. And happy to help another mom in need. But OP has been quite nasty in her exchanges...

So, you don't make $500K... you make $200K. That's still a whole lot better than most.

This is more than a vent. This mom is over the line with people here and most likely her child too. And she wonders why other parents she meets give her a wide berth?!?! If you came up to me with your toxic shit, I'd run the other way. Too bad your kid can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being kind of an asshole OP. You've been an ass to people on this board most of the day.. if the advice didn't fit what you exactly wanted. Just chill. Unplug.

I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid for your child. I feel like you need to get a sitter and go talk to someone - in real life.

I want to know what type of job she works where she can be so active on two different posts and all pissed off all day.

Which now makes me think she's trolling special needs, which is horrible.

No. I went home, as several people suggested. Once again, sanctimony and presumption. Classic DCUM.

No sanctimony, no presumption. Also no crystal ball.

Also: santimony - pretended, affected, or hypocritical religious devotion, righteousness, etc.

Since you keep using the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not upset at all. The advice is free - take it or leave it. Just don't act like an asshole bc you don't like it.

Did OP come on here thinking people would be sooooo sympathetic just bc we have SN kids? Look, we are all struggling. And happy to help another mom in need. But OP has been quite nasty in her exchanges...

So, you don't make $500K... you make $200K. That's still a whole lot better than most.

This is more than a vent. This mom is over the line with people here and most likely her child too. And she wonders why other parents she meets give her a wide berth?!?! If you came up to me with your toxic shit, I'd run the other way. Too bad your kid can't.

And she doesn't live in DC, so it is way way better than most. Plus another 60000 from her DH. Which of course they cannot give up, for the good of their son or their sanity.

This is DCUM, you don't get to just vent and spew venom without question. You don't get to say you think about kicking the shit out of your special needs son without people thinking you may need therapy stat or that you have a toxic attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP, your reality and perceived stress is your attitude. It's not your kid. It's not your job. It's not your husband. It's 100% your attitude. Even on here you have an excuse for every possible solution people offer. You are playing the victim. My husband and I have the same two kids both with different SN. And while I have had hard days, he's taken it to such a dark place because of how poorly he copes and deals with the punches of life. And honestly, while they can be hard and intense and make outings seem terrifying at times, they are beautiful kids. My husband is learning to change his outlook on life and now we are much happier as a family. In many ways, he as a spouse with his poor coping skills was harder on me than the kids. We both work full time jobs too. For the same of not only you, but your husband, get help.

I have to say, this is pretty much bullshit. Attitude is not everything. Most people can only take so much stress. Glad for you that you are a naturally optimistic, serotonin-filled person. But that's not to your credit, its just the way your brain is wired. Your DH"s feelings were as legit as yours.

Pp here and not true. I grew up as an anxiety ridden child myself by two drug addict parents. Went through years of an eating disorder and horrible coping skills until I finally learned how to change the way I think in therapy and twelve steps groups. If I hadn't I might have died. So it became an absolute necessity for me to have to change. My husband on the other hand led a very protected and sheltered life as a child and has the most perfect parents ever and everything came naturally to him. So as a result as an adult he had terrible coping skills. Look, sometimes life is shit. Think I like spending hours and thousands on therapy with what limits time we already have? No. Do I see my friends with easy kids and wonder why not us? Occasionally. But not constantly ruminating on it and fearful of the future like my husband was. He is learning though. Obviously it comes more easily to some than others, but it is a choice to try. OP has not even gotten help yet and so clearly needs it. She could focus on her awesome husband, strategize about better job options or support systems, new anxiety treatment and meds for her kid (and herself...), but just wants to tell us all the reasons she can't. That is the bullshit. She can but chooses not to. Hopefully she will try. A great twelve step concept is to "act as if". Act as if you believe therapy will help and make the time for it, and it will. Act as if you have more control over your life, and you will.

OP, you don't just need therapy, you need cognitive behavioral therapy. Really, you have nothing to lose.

Newsflash: I know that. I said I know that. JFC. I have been in CBT twice before for a total of 4 years. I am on medication. I am looking for a therapist. You are not the only person with experience in mental health here.

And yes, I resent people telling me that I have to martyr myself to my child by sacrificing the career I've worked so hard to build. I am there. I am on. I do a shit ton with this kid. No he cannot have me 24/7/365 and that is not real life. I've gotten myself to a level where I can create my own flexibility (and often do), and I am in a field that allows that but also does pay someone $500K per year.

News flash: you may claim you know it but your actions say otherwise. Maybe you've sought help in the past at some point but you need it again. Just like your kid will need help for ADHD their whole life too. As will mine. It's the anger you need to address. My husband was also so angry. If always ask him "why are you so angry at the world? It's just not as bad to warrant this anger". That's what I mean about perceived stress. You opt to say STFU to that rather than "yes, I could change this somehow". That's all you.

Why are you so sanctimonious? My actions - i.e. ASKING FOR A THERAPIST REFERRAL - indicate the opposite of what you are saying. I am not your husband. Go abuse him and stop refusing to listen to what I am saying b/c it doesn't fit your need to tell me what to do.

Actually when my husband acted like you it was abusive to our family emotionally. Unless you hide every bit of this attitude from yours, I guarantee you are doing the same. Sorry your meds and therapy didn't work. Try enrolling in an NIH study for untreatable depression. Seriously. You need more help. I'm not sanctimonious, just think you have a craptastic attitude and I feel sorry for your family.

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom of three kids, two of whom have SNs (ASD). I also work full time. Plus a disproportionate amount of childcare/household management falls on me (like 90%).

Sometimes I have tough days, and sometimes I wish my kids didn't have special needs. (Not that I don't love them as they are; just being honest that having an ASD child, yet alone two, was not my preferred choice when having kids.)

I sometimes feel badly that my career isn't advancing as I'd once hoped, that I can't travel for work, that I don't get enough exercise, that I rarely cook, that my house is disorganized, and that I now do my own pedicures; and many other important and triviaL regrets.

But I DO NOT relate to OP in the slightest. Not one bit.

[Anonymous]

OMG this is me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom of three kids, two of whom have SNs (ASD). I also work full time. Plus a disproportionate amount of childcare/household management falls on me (like 90%).

Sometimes I have tough days, and sometimes I wish my kids didn't have special needs. (Not that I don't love them as they are; just being honest that having an ASD child, yet alone two, was not my preferred choice when having kids.)

I sometimes feel badly that my career isn't advancing as I'd once hoped, that I can't travel for work, that I don't get enough exercise, that I rarely cook, that my house is disorganized, and that I now do my own pedicures; and many other important and triviaL regrets.

But I DO NOT relate to OP in the slightest. Not one bit.

I'll add that I don't feel angry; that, despite some complaints, overall I'm happy in life; and that I don't blame my kids, or regret mother hood. Like I said, I don't relate to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried having your son work with a behavior therapist? This has helped my son so much with anxiety over new people, new places, the unexpected.

We use a behavior chart daily. So my son knows his schedule for the day and he knows the behavior that is expected of him and what he is working towards. Ex: today my son is working towards a trip to the toy store (bigger than his usual goal b/c this is the first week of camp and it has been ROUGH). Everything is on one piece of paper, the size of an index card, with his schedule laid out and at the bottom is whatever he is working towards. This has helped us tremendously.

I hope things get better for your family!

Hi, yes. The therapist we are seeing is a psychologist and behavior therapist and just recommended PCIT which she says has been successful with ADHD kids. And she wants to implement a behavior modification plan. We just haven't been working with her long enough to get that implemented yet. And I do agree with other posters who have said that until we get the meds sorted out it probably won't be that effective anyway.

It sounds like you guys have a good plan. I will be honest and I think the time period when we knew there was therapy but it took a few months to get everything established was some of the hardest times.. For some reason, knowing that something could help but not know what or how to implement it, made everything seem so much worse. Hang in there!!

Thanks. I think it would have been really helpful if the MDs had warned us how dramatic some of the side effects of this medication could potentially be. I had read about them, but didn't know how extreme they would be. I think I would have structured this whole summer completely differently. Now I am scrambling to get it figured out.

I agree with your comment that it would have been better if the docs mentioned the side effects. It seems when it comes to kids docs there is a different set of rules that everyone follows. It sucks. You will get it figured out. It will get better.