Should a sympathy card include money? If so how much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some cultures and subcultures people send money and that is very thoughtful. In some cultures people bring food, send flowers or send gift cards for restaurants.

I think there is no right or wrong. Attend the funeral if you can or send a thoughtful card. If you have a photograph or memory of the deceased you can share it in the card. What is important is that you show your support to the bereaved family.

This. I’m from a working class family, and my dad died unexpectedly when I was 19. There were still 2 younger siblings at home, and my mom did not make a lot of money. I would never critique the expressions of sympathy people sent us. We were all just grateful enough that Dad was remembered. Was it hard? Yes. Would more money have helped? Yes. But swapping out a floral arrangement for $50 wasn’t going to save us. That being said, some people did send money, and that was helpful for funeral costs. At the end of the day, we were grateful for any kindness extended. Being grateful, looking for the best in people -that is what my Dad taught us.

[Anonymous]

In Chinese culture, it is customary to include money. So I guess find out what’s customary for that culture.

[Anonymous]

No, no money. ONly poor people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It depends on the area you live in. When I went to bury my mother in her very small Midwest farming town, I immediately started getting cards when I got to her apartment, mostly dropped off by people. When I opened up the first card, I was astonished. There was $2 in it. I thought, "What?" Then I started opening up the flood of cards that came; all had small amounts of money in them: $5, $10, $20. Those small amounts of money aren't much by themselves, but when you add them up over 100 plus cards, it meant I was able to pay for a headstone and other funeral expenses.

The town folks don't make a lot of money, and they know how expensive funerals are. So everyone pitches in a little, to help. It was amazing.

This is so heartwarming. Brought tears to my eyes. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some cultures and subcultures people send money and that is very thoughtful. In some cultures people bring food, send flowers or send gift cards for restaurants.

I think there is no right or wrong. Attend the funeral if you can or send a thoughtful card. If you have a photograph or memory of the deceased you can share it in the card. What is important is that you show your support to the bereaved family.

This. I’m from a working class family, and my dad died unexpectedly when I was 19. There were still 2 younger siblings at home, and my mom did not make a lot of money. I would never critique the expressions of sympathy people sent us. We were all just grateful enough that Dad was remembered. Was it hard? Yes. Would more money have helped? Yes. But swapping out a floral arrangement for $50 wasn’t going to save us. That being said, some people did send money, and that was helpful for funeral costs. At the end of the day, we were grateful for any kindness extended. Being grateful, looking for the best in people -that is what my Dad taught us.

You might think differently about that $50 if it was the difference between having a beautiful floral arrangement or being able to buy groceries and feed your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some cultures and subcultures people send money and that is very thoughtful. In some cultures people bring food, send flowers or send gift cards for restaurants.

I think there is no right or wrong. Attend the funeral if you can or send a thoughtful card. If you have a photograph or memory of the deceased you can share it in the card. What is important is that you show your support to the bereaved family.

This. I’m from a working class family, and my dad died unexpectedly when I was 19. There were still 2 younger siblings at home, and my mom did not make a lot of money. I would never critique the expressions of sympathy people sent us. We were all just grateful enough that Dad was remembered. Was it hard? Yes. Would more money have helped? Yes. But swapping out a floral arrangement for $50 wasn’t going to save us. That being said, some people did send money, and that was helpful for funeral costs. At the end of the day, we were grateful for any kindness extended. Being grateful, looking for the best in people -that is what my Dad taught us.

You might think differently about that $50 if it was the difference between having a beautiful floral arrangement or being able to buy groceries and feed your family.

Um, actually we didn’t always have money to buy groceries, so stop projecting your nonsense onto me. Even when times are tight you can choose to feel gratitude for what you do have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's father passed away on Christmas Day. Is money okay for the sympathy card? If so, how much money should I include in the card? I would like to put the card in the mail tomorrow. I will not be able to go to the funeral. I cannot send a basket or flowers because she lives in a different state from parents and I do not know their address. I just thought I would mail the card and it will be waiting for her when she returned home.

Instead of sending cash send flowers with your card. That’s always appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Try to view it through the lens of the victims in a wrongful death suit:

- their relative is dead, and that’s sad and all. No amount of money can bring them back from the dead.

But as least a fat Caribbean vacation and a new car might take their mind off their dead relative some.

[Anonymous]

Went to an old school Korean Christian funeral and gave an envelope of money when we signed the book.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would send your friend some flowers for her. My friend sent me a colorful bouquet when my father died with a condolence card and it made me feel better to look at it.

[Anonymous]

Wtf? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would send your friend some flowers for her. My friend sent me a colorful bouquet when my father died with a condolence card and it made me feel better to look at it.

Ever since my dad died 20 years ago, I’ve associated flowers with death. Ive begun sending edible arrangements instead.

[Anonymous]

The money makes you feel better.

[Anonymous]

This is common in the Midwest where I am from.

Around here, it seems fairly common to request money for educational funds for kids if a parent dies when the kids are still minors. I send a check noting it to for these purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would send your friend some flowers for her. My friend sent me a colorful bouquet when my father died with a condolence card and it made me feel better to look at it.

Ever since my dad died 20 years ago, I’ve associated flowers with death. Ive begun sending edible arrangements instead.

So fruit becomes associated with death?