One person wants a prenup and the other does not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Okay. Do you believe your future spouse should have his or her own lawyer? If she or he can't pay for it, will you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

+1000

Totally agree with you.

Any man who has substantial assets or a major difference in earning power compared to a woman he is thinking of marrying would be outright idiotic to marry without a prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Okay. Do you believe your future spouse should have his or her own lawyer? If she or he can't pay for it, will you?

She should have her own lawyer but why the hell would I pay for her attorney to take a position that is contrary to my interests? Any lawyer who acting for a client should do his/her best to get the best possible deal for the client. In doing so, it would be in direct contravention of my interests. So I'd have to be out of my mind to pay for an attorney to act against my interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Okay. Do you believe your future spouse should have his or her own lawyer? If she or he can't pay for it, will you?

Sure, they should have their own attorney. I can't imagine marrying someone who couldn't afford a few bucks for their own legal counsel going into one of the most serious legal agreements in existence.

The way I work all of my other business deals so lawyers don't muck it up is I discuss terms with the other party and come to a casual agreement then hand it over to my attorney to make sure it's a clean deal. I don't see why the prenup cannot be handled in the same fashion. It isn't about an upper hand but it is about taking money off the table so you can focus on other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Okay. Do you believe your future spouse should have his or her own lawyer? If she or he can't pay for it, will you?

Sure, they should have their own attorney. I can't imagine marrying someone who couldn't afford a few bucks for their own legal counsel going into one of the most serious legal agreements in existence.

The way I work all of my other business deals so lawyers don't muck it up is I discuss terms with the other party and come to a casual agreement then hand it over to my attorney to make sure it's a clean deal. I don't see why the prenup cannot be handled in the same fashion. It isn't about an upper hand but it is about taking money off the table so you can focus on other things.

I wanted to add that there's something else at work here...

The sort of person I'm interested in marrying isn't the type who thinks of prenups as a terrible thing but as a great tool. I would be concerned if they couldn't imagine a scenario where the prenup would be a great way to work out the worst-case scenario while the LOVE is still going strong. Better now than later when circumstances might be drastically different. In a perfect world, you both sign a reasonable prenup, lock it away in a safety deposit box and never have to look at it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Okay. Do you believe your future spouse should have his or her own lawyer? If she or he can't pay for it, will you?

She should have her own lawyer but why the hell would I pay for her attorney to take a position that is contrary to my interests? Any lawyer who acting for a client should do his/her best to get the best possible deal for the client. In doing so, it would be in direct contravention of my interests. So I'd have to be out of my mind to pay for an attorney to act against my interests.

Yeah, okay, thought so.

The answer to "why the hell would I pay for her attorney to take a position that is contrary to my interests" is "because I care about her interests, too, and I want an agreement that's fair to both of us."

I guess you'd have to be "out of your mind" to think that way, huh?

[Anonymous]

It's interesting that the men posting here are assuming that women want prenups and it's against the interests of men. And "until they earn the same amount as men" made me choke. You have got to be kidding me.

But don't worry. I don't think women will be beating down your doors to get married. Don't bother with "I'm already married and we're fine" posts. They're BS and you're lying.

And yes, I work and in no way am I looking for a handout. My husband is facing a layoff. My income looks pretty good to everyone in the family right about now, because we're a team. He said, "it's a good thing one of us will have an income." Yes, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the men posting here are assuming that women want prenups and it's against the interests of men. And "until they earn the same amount as men" made me choke. You have got to be kidding me.

But don't worry. I don't think women will be beating down your doors to get married. Don't bother with "I'm already married and we're fine" posts. They're BS and you're lying.

And yes, I work and in no way am I looking for a handout. My husband is facing a layoff. My income looks pretty good to everyone in the family right about now, because we're a team. He said, "it's a good thing one of us will have an income." Yes, it is.

Oh, so you get to make blanket statements about our marriages but you don't want to get a response. Typical.

I am married and we ARE fine. Just because you can't imagine a world in which people don't think the way you do, doesn't mean we aren't out there. Get a clue.

The rest of your statement about your husband's layoff has nothing to do with a divorce or a prenup. Prenups are a way to protect financial assets in the event things don't work out. I would rather do it while I don't want to divorce and not when or if a divorce is on the horizon.

[Anonymous]

^^ Women do earn less than men even though there may be individual situations where that is not true

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/17/gender-wage-gap_n_3941180.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Funny how you think the other person would STILL want to be in a relationship with you.

I can see having a prenup to protect anything to do with prior children, or a business created BEFORE you were married (men OR women). Read the OP's post. The prenup is insulting and I doubt any man would sign that if the situation was reversed. He is trying to say everything is HIS even AFTER being married.

If you don't trust the person you are marrying, then don't marry them. You shouldn't get married unless you are in it for the long haul. That being said, there are instances where I would get divorced, cheating/abuse or if my DH decides to start drinking again (to the point of being drunk and passed out every night.)

He has battled alcoholism and sometimes falls into old patterns. I can work with him as long as he is willing to work towards sobriety. A partner who is passed out is not really a partner. I don't tolerate abuse or cheating. Neither does he. We are both in it for the long haul and do what's best for our marriage and each other. We try to be selfless. The OP's fiance is selfish beyond anything I've ever read. He makes (greedy) Scrooge look like a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

Funny how you think the other person would STILL want to be in a relationship with you.

I can see having a prenup to protect anything to do with prior children, or a business created BEFORE you were married (men OR women). Read the OP's post. The prenup is insulting and I doubt any man would sign that if the situation was reversed. He is trying to say everything is HIS even AFTER being married.

If you don't trust the person you are marrying, then don't marry them. You shouldn't get married unless you are in it for the long haul. That being said, there are instances where I would get divorced, cheating/abuse or if my DH decides to start drinking again (to the point of being drunk and passed out every night.)

He has battled alcoholism and sometimes falls into old patterns. I can work with him as long as he is willing to work towards sobriety. A partner who is passed out is not really a partner. I don't tolerate abuse or cheating. Neither does he. We are both in it for the long haul and do what's best for our marriage and each other. We try to be selfless. The OP's fiance is selfish beyond anything I've ever read. He makes (greedy) Scrooge look like a saint.

I don't know why it's funny. We can stay in a romantic relationship but we don't have to. They're certainly free to find someone who doesn't mind sharing all of their earnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the men posting here are assuming that women want prenups and it's against the interests of men. And "until they earn the same amount as men" made me choke. You have got to be kidding me.

But don't worry. I don't think women will be beating down your doors to get married. Don't bother with "I'm already married and we're fine" posts. They're BS and you're lying.

And yes, I work and in no way am I looking for a handout. My husband is facing a layoff. My income looks pretty good to everyone in the family right about now, because we're a team. He said, "it's a good thing one of us will have an income." Yes, it is.

Oh, so you get to make blanket statements about our marriages but you don't want to get a response. Typical.

I am married and we ARE fine. Just because you can't imagine a world in which people don't think the way you do, doesn't mean we aren't out there. Get a clue.

The rest of your statement about your husband's layoff has nothing to do with a divorce or a prenup. Prenups are a way to protect financial assets in the event things don't work out. I would rather do it while I don't want to divorce and not when or if a divorce is on the horizon.

Yes, I do. It's a forum. And I still call BS on your marriage. My statement about my husband's layoff is entirely relevant to a conversation about a jerk who doesn't value someone who doesn't make as much as he does. Post back when the prenup you signed is implemented and let us know how that process goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the men posting here are assuming that women want prenups and it's against the interests of men. And "until they earn the same amount as men" made me choke. You have got to be kidding me.

But don't worry. I don't think women will be beating down your doors to get married. Don't bother with "I'm already married and we're fine" posts. They're BS and you're lying.

And yes, I work and in no way am I looking for a handout. My husband is facing a layoff. My income looks pretty good to everyone in the family right about now, because we're a team. He said, "it's a good thing one of us will have an income." Yes, it is.

Oh, so you get to make blanket statements about our marriages but you don't want to get a response. Typical.

I am married and we ARE fine. Just because you can't imagine a world in which people don't think the way you do, doesn't mean we aren't out there. Get a clue.

The rest of your statement about your husband's layoff has nothing to do with a divorce or a prenup. Prenups are a way to protect financial assets in the event things don't work out. I would rather do it while I don't want to divorce and not when or if a divorce is on the horizon.

Yes, I do. It's a forum. And I still call BS on your marriage. My statement about my husband's layoff is entirely relevant to a conversation about a jerk who doesn't value someone who doesn't make as much as he does. Post back when the prenup you signed is implemented and let us know how that process goes.

God bless your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

+1000

Totally agree with you.

Any man who has substantial assets or a major difference in earning power compared to a woman he is thinking of marrying would be outright idiotic to marry without a prenup.

This is a really sad view of marriage. DH was a poor graduate student when I met him, and I was an associate at a law firm. There is no way he could have afforded an attorney. Also, what protections would you afford to a parent whom you both decide should stay at home when you have young kids or a kid with special needs, or if you need to quit work in order to care for elderly parents (grandparents)? Would you include protections for your spouse in case s/he makes economic sacrifices for your children and/or your elderly parents--that you both agree to? If you are considering pre-nups, I strongly urge you to consider fairness to probable scenarios for your future spouse, whom you may ask to sacrifice a lot but don't expect you to sacrifice at all. It's the inherent selfishness of the prenup that bodes ill for a marriage. Prenups are really best to protect the assets of previous children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever marry anyone without a prenup. I don't care how much I love them. If they are unwilling to sign it there will not be a marriage contract signed. We can remain in a romantic relationship but they will not automatically gain ownership of my income in the event of a divorce.

+1000

Totally agree with you.

Any man who has substantial assets or a major difference in earning power compared to a woman he is thinking of marrying would be outright idiotic to marry without a prenup.

This is a really sad view of marriage. DH was a poor graduate student when I met him, and I was an associate at a law firm. There is no way he could have afforded an attorney. Also, what protections would you afford to a parent whom you both decide should stay at home when you have young kids or a kid with special needs, or if you need to quit work in order to care for elderly parents (grandparents)? Would you include protections for your spouse in case s/he makes economic sacrifices for your children and/or your elderly parents--that you both agree to? If you are considering pre-nups, I strongly urge you to consider fairness to probable scenarios for your future spouse, whom you may ask to sacrifice a lot but don't expect you to sacrifice at all. It's the inherent selfishness of the prenup that bodes ill for a marriage. Prenups are really best to protect the assets of previous children.

Absolutely the prenup should be fair. I actually think they're great tools for inspiring early discussion about how things will be handled throughout marriage as it relates to finances. It encourages couples to work out the sort of issues you mention. Most people simply get married and worry about those things later. It's understandable that someone might be unable to work the attorney fees into their budget but I would suggest considering it essential and saving for it. If it's a simple agreement it shouldn't cost that much.