Speechless

[Anonymous]

It WAS handled with a conversation!!

Right, but by age 12, the conversation should have started between the girl who was mistreated and her friends, NOT her mom and her friends. The mom could have appropriately followed up with the other parents at drop off/pick up, or stepped in if the friends were not apologetic to her daughter.

[Anonymous]

I bet those two girls never go over to OP's house again. Way over reaction by the mom by having chest pains.

[Anonymous]

Did you check to see if pictures were posted? If so, the school should be notified because that is bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If i was the parent of one of the other two girls I would be encouraging them to step back from their friendship with OP's daughter.

I would be fine with them being brought home early and being told that they had done something that had upset their friend. I would absolutely talk to my daughter about the importance of considering how other people might feel about something they think it funny, and of the vulnerability of doing something to someone thinking. I think there are a lot of teachable moments and opportunities for learning in a situation like this.

I would find the 3 am email, the early morning confrontation that assumed their intentions were cruel and bullying (and not asking them their reasoning first, and the inability of their friend to cope with this as big red flags that this is a friendship that is likely going to be more problems than fun. I would talk to my own daughter about how everyone is different and that some people are much , much more sensitive than others. that while this isn't a good or a bad thing that friendships with people who are extremely sensitive can be exhausting and difficult. I wouldn't stand in the way of the friendship in any way, I would just encourage my daughter to reflect on how this friendship feels to her and that is she feels she is being made out to be mean and a bully and she is always having to apologize for someone else's hurt feelings, then she should re-evaluate the friendship. I would probably also avoid having OP's daughter over as Op isn't really a mom I want to have to deal with.

Geez. Your response is so callous as to almost give me chest pains -- and I'm a new poster.

I know. That is the type of parent that "innocently" ends up raising a bully, all the time defending the bully's mean behavior. Interesting to get a look at the mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet those two girls never go over to OP's house again. Way over reaction by the mom by having chest pains.

Good riddance to the mean girls!

[Anonymous]

I think all of the people criticizing OP have to realize that everything social happens in a relational aspect. If OP's daughter was Ms.Popularity and the other girls did it for fun, she would have had a different response. I'm sure there was other bullying going on which made the OP's daughter feel so bad. Popular people always blame the victim as being too sensitive but if the situation was reversed the popular mom would be playing the victim card 1000 times worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If i was the parent of one of the other two girls I would be encouraging them to step back from their friendship with OP's daughter.

I would be fine with them being brought home early and being told that they had done something that had upset their friend. I would absolutely talk to my daughter about the importance of considering how other people might feel about something they think it funny, and of the vulnerability of doing something to someone thinking. I think there are a lot of teachable moments and opportunities for learning in a situation like this.

I would find the 3 am email, the early morning confrontation that assumed their intentions were cruel and bullying (and not asking them their reasoning first, and the inability of their friend to cope with this as big red flags that this is a friendship that is likely going to be more problems than fun. I would talk to my own daughter about how everyone is different and that some people are much , much more sensitive than others. that while this isn't a good or a bad thing that friendships with people who are extremely sensitive can be exhausting and difficult. I wouldn't stand in the way of the friendship in any way, I would just encourage my daughter to reflect on how this friendship feels to her and that is she feels she is being made out to be mean and a bully and she is always having to apologize for someone else's hurt feelings, then she should re-evaluate the friendship. I would probably also avoid having OP's daughter over as Op isn't really a mom I want to have to deal with.

Geez. Your response is so callous as to almost give me chest pains -- and I'm a new poster.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise your hand is: your beds sheets were short-sheeted at camp, or someone put your hand in warm water to make you pee in your sleep, or put lipstick on your face, or your bra up the camp flag pole, or you were on the other end of this and you, yourself, short sheeted someone's bed or put their hand in warm water. Its not necessarily right and it can hurt feelings buts pretty much standard tween fare. Its certainly not sociopathy. That would be torturing animals. Huge difference.

Yeah pp, none of those pranks involve smearing a persons actual face with gunk. OP has not said whether these girls had smartphones with them during the sleep over. If so, there's high chance those photos are permanently on the internet (and those girls will never admit the truth unless confronted with the photos). The mom can basically never know for sure if smartphones were involved. (instagram, snap chat, twitter, tumblr) Sleepovers with smartphones, people; it's a new fucking day…I hate sleepovers now; it's just too stressful. (mom of middle school DD and DS.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If i was the parent of one of the other two girls I would be encouraging them to step back from their friendship with OP's daughter.

I would be fine with them being brought home early and being told that they had done something that had upset their friend. I would absolutely talk to my daughter about the importance of considering how other people might feel about something they think it funny, and of the vulnerability of doing something to someone thinking. I think there are a lot of teachable moments and opportunities for learning in a situation like this.

I would find the 3 am email, the early morning confrontation that assumed their intentions were cruel and bullying (and not asking them their reasoning first, and the inability of their friend to cope with this as big red flags that this is a friendship that is likely going to be more problems than fun. I would talk to my own daughter about how everyone is different and that some people are much , much more sensitive than others. that while this isn't a good or a bad thing that friendships with people who are extremely sensitive can be exhausting and difficult. I wouldn't stand in the way of the friendship in any way, I would just encourage my daughter to reflect on how this friendship feels to her and that is she feels she is being made out to be mean and a bully and she is always having to apologize for someone else's hurt feelings, then she should re-evaluate the friendship. I would probably also avoid having OP's daughter over as Op isn't really a mom I want to have to deal with.

Geez. Your response is so callous as to almost give me chest pains -- and I'm a new poster.

I agree.

+2--1st PP was probably in a sorority at a southern school, where any prank that doesn't end in death is just "comes with the territory".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm with OP. I hope your daughter is feeling better and more secure of herself because she has her strong mom behind her.

Nope. Her mother's over-the-top reaction only reinforces her feeling of victimization. She has learned that she is not strong enough to handle even the simplest things without mommy stepping in and fighting her battles for her. She probably lost two friends.

This could have been handled with a simple conversation with the girls the next morning. The chest pains, hysterics, 3am emails..... Completely over the top and unnecessary.

9:50 ...It WAS handled with a conversation!! The girls did not know about the 3 am email nor the chest pains!

I personally would have handled it with a much shorter discussion, and without the "sit down" part. As the girls were eating breakfast or something I would have simply said "You crossed a line last night. Next time we do a sleepover, dial it back a little." As a matter of fact when I had a group of teen boys here in the basement I could hear their conversations. Over the top would be putting it mildly, with some crass comments directed at DS. All I did was go to the top of the stairs and say "Guys? Far enough." I heard a few "sorry's" and we all carried on.

Done. They get the point.

If mom was upset enough to have chest pains her DD likely picked up on her anxiety. ALTHOUGH, as the mom of someone who's been through a lot of shit.. it can be tough to see your kid that upset and not react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 10, I had 4 or 5 girlfriends over for a sleepover, and they proceeded to ignore and ostracize me. It was awful. I went upstairs to my parents' room and told them about it.

It was the end of elementary school, and we talked about what makes for a good friend and the fact that in MS I'd meet lots of new kids and make friends based on shared interests, rather than just living in the same neighborhood. My parents let me stay with them as long as I wanted and said we could end the sleepover, if I wanted. But they also said that it was important to understand how to deal with kids' being mean and how to look at the big picture. I went back downstairs eventually and slept the night with the other girls. I honestly don't remember how the rest of it went; I think the fact that I didn't freak out probably took some of the fun out of being mean for the other girls.

But I will always remember how amazing it was that my parents balanced being supportive and loving with giving me perspective and teaching me how to deal with a difficult social situation myself. They took the same approach when I thought a teacher had treated me unfairly--said I should discuss my concerns with the teacher before they would intervene.

It's so hard to see your kid unhappy. I can't say with certainty what I would have done in OP's situation. But I hope that if I find myself in that situation one day I'll have the clarity of mind to handle it the way my parents did. Teaching kids to handle difficult situations is an invaluable gift.

Yeah, no false equivalency. But nice try, mother of mean girls!

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone, Richie Incognito's mom is up to her old gaslighting tricks on this thread!

[Anonymous]

So sad to be hearing these wise, old embittered moms of college aged kids who think they've BTDT giving this poor woman a beatdown for understandably having a mini-panic attack when her child is assaulted by mean little bitches in her own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thought the OP was Chipotle Lady when she was describing her chest pains for hours?

No, but we're all pretty sure you're an inconsiderate asshole IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise your hand is: your beds sheets were short-sheeted at camp, or someone put your hand in warm water to make you pee in your sleep, or put lipstick on your face, or your bra up the camp flag pole, or you were on the other end of this and you, yourself, short sheeted someone's bed or put their hand in warm water. Its not necessarily right and it can hurt feelings buts pretty much standard tween fare. Its certainly not sociopathy. That would be torturing animals. Huge difference.

Nope, never did that, never had it happen to me. I think there's a problem in assuming it's "standard." And, as someone else has pointed out, what is disturbing about this is not that it was a prank but that OP's daughter was completely taken by surprise in her own home by friends whom she had until then apparently trusted. Maybe the kids had a different context for pranks and they were used to having them played on them as well as playing them on others and so it didn't seem vicious to them. That doesn't mean it's okay to do this to someone who has a different set of values from you.