Speechless

[Anonymous]

Nope this wouldn't fly at my house. I look at it this way-- would this go unpunished at sleep away camp? That's the ultimate sleep over and supportive of fun pranks. This would not go unpunished and a child might be asked to leave for doing this.

OP-- have you called their parents yet? Perhaps at pickup, there needs to be a conversation between the 3 families.

[Anonymous]

OP, let us know what you decided to do.

I think it's possible that they put the makeup on her face, and while sleeping, moving around, it got everywhere, like in her hair.

FWIW, 25+ years ago, when I went to sleepovers, there were never any pranks. Plus I think that people would be responding differently if these were boys. There was a thread awhile ago about a middle schooler boy being treated badly by his freinds and a lot of people seemed to think it was jsut boys being boys.

Having said that, I think that those 2 girls planned it before they went to the sleepover. It does sound like bullying, since she was ganged up on. I would just advise your child to look for other friends and avoid these two.

Talk to the parents, OP, and so they can take any pics off of their phones if they did take pictures. If the girls don't have phones, cameras, with them, then I wouldn't say anything to the parents.

[Anonymous]

No one is saying this is right or shouldn't be addressed but the quick freak out isn't a good approach especially with a kid in middle school. Talk to the girls, make them clean up and speak with their parents.

[Anonymous]

If you call the other parents you will guarantee that your DD will face more bullying and will be ostracized from by these girls in the future. They may be friends she should say goodbye to, but not in a big dramatic fashion that will make the gossip rounds of the school. If OP does this, the victim will be her daughter.

Her daughter has to learnt o confront these girls herself, hard that that may be. She needs to tell them how she felt about this and that it wasn't OK. Then she has to decide if these other girls screwed up this one time or if they are just bad friends. And no more threesome sleepovers.

But please don't make this go nuclear by bringing in the other parents. The one time I spoke with another parent about her child's behavior my daughter was furious with me because it just made things worse. At this age, the kids need to learn how to resolve things.

[Anonymous]

Has your daughter previously dealt with mean girls? You may want to spend a little of the weekend doing some reading on Queen Bees and strategies to help your daughter

[Anonymous]

I will approach this situation from another point of view. If I was the parent of a girl who pulled such a prank, I would definitely want to know and would be absolutely embarrassed for her actions. We would have a long discussion about why she did this and the line between having fun and bullying. Having fun does not entail humiliating another individual.

[Anonymous]

This does not sound like bullying - I hate how that word gets thrown around.

It sounds to me like they were having fun, got carried away, and went too far. Help your daughter clean up, talk about it a little, then let it go.

[Anonymous]

9:47 here. also, only talk to the parents if your DD is ok with it. At this age, you want her confiding in you, and she won't if you break her confidence and talk to the parents if she doesn't want you to.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a sleepover prank. That would be something like making a quick crank phone call, running around the house in your underwear. Something essentially victimless. Something funloving and silly. This is cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a sleepover prank. That would be something like making a quick crank phone call, running around the house in your underwear. Something essentially victimless. Something funloving and silly. This is cruel.

It was gooey, gloppy, glittery makeup. It was not Krazy Glue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like bullying - I hate how that word gets thrown around.

It sounds to me like they were having fun, got carried away, and went too far. Help your daughter clean up, talk about it a little, then let it go.

PP, that's SO funny how you just dismissed OP's daughter's feelings.


It wasn't funny to her, so it's NOT having fun. It's mean behavior. And if it's mean, time to intervene.

[Anonymous]

They sound like mean girls but everyone is blowing this way out of proportion. Help your daughter wash it off and ask her what she wants to do. If she wants the girls to go home, they go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like bullying - I hate how that word gets thrown around.

It sounds to me like they were having fun, got carried away, and went too far. Help your daughter clean up, talk about it a little, then let it go.

PP, that's SO funny how you just dismissed OP's daughter's feelings.


It wasn't funny to her, so it's NOT having fun. It's mean behavior. And if it's mean, time to intervene.

These girls were most likely not intending to bully. It was a prank and they totally mis-fired. Just because she felt bullied doesn't make it so. The girls owe her an apology for hurting her feelings no doubt. But getting your feelings hurt (and rightfully so) does not make it bullying. Dear lord, they're a bunch of dumb kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will approach this situation from another point of view. If I was the parent of a girl who pulled such a prank, I would definitely want to know and would be absolutely embarrassed for her actions. We would have a long discussion about why she did this and the line between having fun and bullying. Having fun does not entail humiliating another individual.

Exactly. I have never understood why people think pranking, hazing, and teasing are funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you call the other parents you will guarantee that your DD will face more bullying and will be ostracized from by these girls in the future. They may be friends she should say goodbye to, but not in a big dramatic fashion that will make the gossip rounds of the school. If OP does this, the victim will be her daughter.

Her daughter has to learnt o confront these girls herself, hard that that may be. She needs to tell them how she felt about this and that it wasn't OK. Then she has to decide if these other girls screwed up this one time or if they are just bad friends. And no more threesome sleepovers.

But please don't make this go nuclear by bringing in the other parents. The one time I spoke with another parent about her child's behavior my daughter was furious with me because it just made things worse. At this age, the kids need to learn how to resolve things.

As a middle school counselor, I agree with this poster. I have seen it happen too many times where parents intervene and it backfires and things get worse for the "victim" (by the way, it does not fit definition of bullying, as it only happened once, but could escalate into bullying depending upon how things are handled). OP should absolutely validate her daughter's feelings, but let her problem solve this one. Together, I'd help her determine what type of qualities she is looking for in a friend and whether these girls are "friends.". If she tells them that what they did upset her and they feel remorseful and try to prove it to her, then maybe they are good friends who just made a bad choice.