Speechless

[Anonymous]

Pranks are traditional part of sleepovers. Tell them they went too far but don't go nuts. They should apologize and be done with it. Is this a pattern of behavior with them or a one off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Why not just ask the girls in the am? I bet they were joking around. Don't you remember sleepovers at that age? Putting hands of sleepers in warm water? Trying to do pinkie lifts?

I bet it was just a joke that was executed poorly. Calm down and speak to the girls.

+1

+2 And who calls a parent in the middle of the night to cancel a sleepover for a dumb prank. Instead, make it a lesson for the pranksters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pranks are traditional part of sleepovers. Tell them they went too far but don't go nuts. They should apologize and be done with it. Is this a pattern of behavior with them or a one off?

I agree with this. Help your daughter clean it up and them facilitate a conversation. You'll likely be able to tell whether this was just a good natures prank gone awry or your daughter was a victim of mean girl bullying.

[Anonymous]

Send them home early in the morning. Sleepover did not go well, obviously. Three is always a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Why not just ask the girls in the am? I bet they were joking around. Don't you remember sleepovers at that age? Putting hands of sleepers in warm water? Trying to do pinkie lifts?

I bet it was just a joke that was executed poorly. Calm down and speak to the girls.

+1

+2 And who calls a parent in the middle of the night to cancel a sleepover for a dumb prank. Instead, make it a lesson for the pranksters.

+3. It's actually weird that your daughter was upset enough to wake you up in the middle of the night crying. Sounds like typical sleepover pranks to me.

[Anonymous]

Um no...parents would be called and it is a big deal. For the people who say otherwise, you run in different social circles.

[Anonymous]

I feel that this fall somewhere in between a "traditional" sleepover prank and outright bullying. Yes, pranks are often part of sleepovers but this one seemed to go much to far with the amount of glitter and such that was used (that it was all over her hair, for example). A prank is not mean spirited and this one seems to be. At the same time, the other girls are at an age where their sense of good judgment is still developing and they may have done something that at the time, late at night and in the dark seemed fun only to fully understand come the morning.

I would think that the real test would be to see the two other girls' reaction when they learn how upset your DD is about what transpired. If they immediately seem surprised and concerned than this incident is in more of the prank gone to far column. A gentle talk and explanation about trust and boundaries is in order, even with their parents present. But if they seem annoyed that your DD went to you or if they seem to be defensive in any way, well, than this incident is extremely concerning.

[Anonymous]

I would have woken the girls and supervised as the helped my DD get cleaned up. They would then go back to bed. In the morning, it would be discussed and at pick up with the parents also.

Three is never a good number with young girls. One girl is always left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that this fall somewhere in between a "traditional" sleepover prank and outright bullying. Yes, pranks are often part of sleepovers but this one seemed to go much to far with the amount of glitter and such that was used (that it was all over her hair, for example). A prank is not mean spirited and this one seems to be. At the same time, the other girls are at an age where their sense of good judgment is still developing and they may have done something that at the time, late at night and in the dark seemed fun only to fully understand come the morning.

I would think that the real test would be to see the two other girls' reaction when they learn how upset your DD is about what transpired. If they immediately seem surprised and concerned than this incident is in more of the prank gone to far column. A gentle talk and explanation about trust and boundaries is in order, even with their parents present. But if they seem annoyed that your DD went to you or if they seem to be defensive in any way, well, than this incident is extremely concerning.

I think middle school girls are savvy enough to know to say the right thing in front of parents.

[Anonymous]

I would tread carefully. It is important to let your daughter take the lead in how to deal with this. Ultimately she needs to learn how to deal with mean girls on her own, because she will need to deal her whole life.

Personally I would not end the sleepover or call the school. I might call the parents if I were really close friends with them (though I certainly would want to be called if my daughter did this to someone else, regardless of how well I know the parent).

Your daughter felt ganged up on, and clearly did not think it is funny. Maybe use this opportunity to relate a situation where you had to deal with bullies and how you dealt with it. I once had my feelings hurt by a couple of friends who played a prank when we were playing one day. I went home, and instead of sympathy my mom laughed and told me I needed to toughen up! It made me feel even worse. It wasn't the prank itself that hurt my feelings, it was being "ganged up" on.

I think that was a big fail on my mom's part. I don't think she needed to intervene in any way, but she could have at least acknowledged my feelings!

I think the folks who are saying this is no big deal, were the ones playing pranks, not being the victims of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully. It is important to let your daughter take the lead in how to deal with this. Ultimately she needs to learn how to deal with mean girls on her own, because she will need to deal her whole life.

Personally I would not end the sleepover or call the school. I might call the parents if I were really close friends with them (though I certainly would want to be called if my daughter did this to someone else, regardless of how well I know the parent).

Your daughter felt ganged up on, and clearly did not think it is funny. Maybe use this opportunity to relate a situation where you had to deal with bullies and how you dealt with it. I once had my feelings hurt by a couple of friends who played a prank when we were playing one day. I went home, and instead of sympathy my mom laughed and told me I needed to toughen up! It made me feel even worse. It wasn't the prank itself that hurt my feelings, it was being "ganged up" on.

I think that was a big fail on my mom's part. I don't think she needed to intervene in any way, but she could have at least acknowledged my feelings!

I think the folks who are saying this is no big deal, were the ones playing pranks, not being the victims of them.

And to add to PP's spot on post is that I feel OP's daughter is in a far worse situation. She was ganged up in her own home while she was sleeping so she most likely feels especially vulnerable.
OP, the girls that did this do not sound like the type I would want my DD to hang out with. I am sorry this happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully. It is important to let your daughter take the lead in how to deal with this. Ultimately she needs to learn how to deal with mean girls on her own, because she will need to deal her whole life.

Personally I would not end the sleepover or call the school. I might call the parents if I were really close friends with them (though I certainly would want to be called if my daughter did this to someone else, regardless of how well I know the parent).

Your daughter felt ganged up on, and clearly did not think it is funny. Maybe use this opportunity to relate a situation where you had to deal with bullies and how you dealt with it. I once had my feelings hurt by a couple of friends who played a prank when we were playing one day. I went home, and instead of sympathy my mom laughed and told me I needed to toughen up! It made me feel even worse. It wasn't the prank itself that hurt my feelings, it was being "ganged up" on.

I think that was a big fail on my mom's part. I don't think she needed to intervene in any way, but she could have at least acknowledged my feelings!

I think the folks who are saying this is no big deal, were the ones playing pranks, not being the victims of them.

Nope, just the opposite. Being pranked at that age taught me very quickly how to grow a thick skin so that I could stand up to bullies for myself as well as for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully. It is important to let your daughter take the lead in how to deal with this. Ultimately she needs to learn how to deal with mean girls on her own, because she will need to deal her whole life.

Personally I would not end the sleepover or call the school. I might call the parents if I were really close friends with them (though I certainly would want to be called if my daughter did this to someone else, regardless of how well I know the parent).

Your daughter felt ganged up on, and clearly did not think it is funny. Maybe use this opportunity to relate a situation where you had to deal with bullies and how you dealt with it. I once had my feelings hurt by a couple of friends who played a prank when we were playing one day. I went home, and instead of sympathy my mom laughed and told me I needed to toughen up! It made me feel even worse. It wasn't the prank itself that hurt my feelings, it was being "ganged up" on.

I think that was a big fail on my mom's part. I don't think she needed to intervene in any way, but she could have at least acknowledged my feelings!

I think the folks who are saying this is no big deal, were the ones playing pranks, not being the victims of them.

+1 This sounds more like bullying than a prank. But your DDs pride has to be maintained, which won't happen if you go crazy calling the school, parents ect ect. Just makes your DD in a worse situation.

[Anonymous]

I'd be the crazy parent if this happened to my child. I would care less what the other parents thought too. My goal would be to protect my DD and standing up for her by calling parents at 3:00 am would be the approach I would have taken. I'm glad your DD trusted you. PP who say otherwise have bully children

[Anonymous]

I hope your daughter is OK.

For those saying - it is just Middle School pranks, do you also say - oh it is just Fraternity Hazing?

Just b/c it happened when you were a child - don't you want something better for your children?