Husband Turned Catholic on Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eleven pages and I'm reminded my decision leave the Catholic Church was the right one. I understand people are protective of their particular church but the ugliness they show in defending it reminds me why I left in the first place. Had the 'Catholic' response been those of kindness and understanding, I might have thought things had changed in the years since I left. What in any of those responses would lead me to re-consider? The attempts at shaming remind me so much of what I experienced. I see no one asking OP what it would take for her to be comfortable with her DH's decision, how she could be re-assured by this fundamental change. No, I just see a lot of finger wagging, name calling and ugliness. Too much for me.

Oh please. Some of the responses were from non Catholics, including myself. OP and others like her are alarmists, getting in a tizzy over something that isn't the end of the world. Her husband is better off without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Really, you're not up to speed on the church. Many, many parishes have female altar servers.

I'm sure many do. But do all of them allow female altar servers? What is the Church's position on those that do not allow them? Does it support the priest's decision to discriminate against girls?

I don't know how anyone can defend that kind of discrimination.

I agree. After a full school week of learning how women are strong, brave, smart and all around better than useless boys, this will scar the girls for life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP needs to try not to feel so threatened by her husband's growth and discovery. When you wed you didn't stop being individuals who will change and grow over the decades. OP needs to come to terms with this recent change, find it within herself to be supportive if she can and stop viewing the church as "the other woman" which she obviously is.

This is exactly right. This is OP's whole nasty problem. The idiots talking about why they left the church or why they hate Catholics are completely missing the point because they are looking to jump on ANY opportunity to spread MISinformation about Catholicism and outright bigotry on this thread!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, the majority of the nasty response came from the anti-Catholic haters and not from Catholics.

Also, I do know that whether or not there are female altar servers is left to the discretion of the local bishop. However, I am not hung up on the Church's position on women, gays or sexual morality. In the larger scheme of iashes like peace and war and life and death and poverty I think the Church is largely right. On some of the other issues it may come around in time. At the center, and this is what is important, is Christ and the love he showed us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Wow, I was an altar girl in the early 90s and I was not even the first of which in my church. You sound just as mistaken as the guy who told me being an altar server is training for priesthood and only people seriously considering it should be eligible for the position. Guess that means the married father of five who trained me shouldn't have volunteered his time when the parish expressed its need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really, you're not up to speed on the church. Many, many parishes have female altar servers.

I'm sure many do. But do all of them allow female altar servers? What is the Church's position on those that do not allow them? Does it support the priest's decision to discriminate against girls?

I don't know how anyone can defend that kind of discrimination.

I agree. After a full school week of learning how women are strong, brave, smart and all around better than useless boys, this will scar the girls for life

I certainly hope this is sarcasm. I forbade my DD to buy a t-shirt that said "Boys are Stupid! Throw Rocks at Them!" I asked her how should would feel if the same shirt were aimed at girls. I pity any woman who puts down men who has been gifted with a son!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Wow, I was an altar girl in the early 90s and I was not even the first of which in my church. You sound just as mistaken as the guy who told me being an altar server is training for priesthood and only people seriously considering it should be eligible for the position. Guess that means the married father of five who trained me shouldn't have volunteered his time when the parish expressed its need?

Do you really not know that some parishes do not allow altar girls? Both the Washington Post and CNN have reported on it. If you didn't check out the links provided by a PP, did you not even think to do your own research? Do a little research. It's all out there. That your experience was different speaks to the preferences or your priest. Your friend was correct that even if a priest allows altar girls (which they don't have to) preference should be given to boys because "this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations."

http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=5212

[Anonymous]

Would you rather he cheat on you ? Become a wife beating Muslim ? This discussion is rather stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather he cheat on you ? Become a wife beating Muslim ? This discussion is rather stupid.

Those are her only choices? Your comment is rather stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Wow, I was an altar girl in the early 90s and I was not even the first of which in my church. You sound just as mistaken as the guy who told me being an altar server is training for priesthood and only people seriously considering it should be eligible for the position. Guess that means the married father of five who trained me shouldn't have volunteered his time when the parish expressed its need?

Do you really not know that some parishes do not allow altar girls? Both the Washington Post and CNN have reported on it. If you didn't check out the links provided by a PP, did you not even think to do your own research? Do a little research. It's all out there. That your experience was different speaks to the preferences or your priest. Your friend was correct that even if a priest allows altar girls (which they don't have to) preference should be given to boys because "this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations."

http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=5212

So, what? Well, women can pursue non-priestly vocations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The golf analogy is irrelevant. This is about your fundamental belief-system, the way you see the world, your values. Golf (hopefully), isn't.

And a game of golf does not take 45 minutes to an hour to complete.

Nope, it's not irrelevant - have you not seen Caddyshack? There are people who grok - make their entire way of thinking/being an analogy of - things like golf (or football). Yes, sports as source of life parables is dubious, but frankly, so is a lot of the "wisdom" of hallucinating desert nomads from 5000 years ago.

Also: yes, by the time you get up, get dressed for, drive to mass, stay for the whole ceremony and then get back out, it could easily be a 3-4 hour escapade. Sure there are lots of in-and-out (leave after communion) Catholics who are done in 45 minutes, but my wife used to spend almost four hours from the time she started getting ready to go, until she'd gotten home again. She tended to go to Sat. evening mass, so we could go out afterwards but if she went to the 11AM mass she'd be getting ready at 9:30 and not be home until 1:30 - she went to a parish where they sang at every single opportunity and the priests were fond of long homilies.

I think you lack in basic math and time management skills if you think it takes 3-4 hours for anyone to get dressed, drive to Mass and return home.

[Anonymous]

Why is this thread proving so hard to die? DH wants to reconnect with his faith. It's not a big deal. Let it go already OP! You have a good husband and you want to force him to your way of thinking and doing? He won't be around for long if you continue to act this way.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, and want no part of the Catholic vs. Anti-Catholic debate...but isn't it possible that the husband is using the church as a place to find personal peace/comfort/introspection/whatever, without fully subscribing to every ideal of the church? Just because he is going to church again doesn't mean he is a letter-of-the-law Catholic. He is reverting back to what he knows from his upbringing, and may find the weekly masses comforting on a personal level.

I've had family members go back to church after decades away following the passing of their parents, I suspect, because it gives them a level of familiarity and comfort and a connection to the memories of their upbringings.

The husband isn't forcing the masses on his wife or kids. To each their own, but it seems sad to me that the OP's priority is to focus on and debate every belief of the _____(insert church/religion here) and worry about 2 hours on Sunday morning, than be focused on the well-being of her husband (who seems to be benefiting from this is some way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a game changer. My DH and I grew up Catholic. I no longer consider myself Catholic. My DH and went into the marriage with our eyes open. We talked extensively about it and it was a deliberate decision not to marry in the Catholic Church. If he decided to return to the Catholic Church, we'd have to do some seriously counseling. It's not 'church' I have an issue with, it's the Catholic Church. I'd need to undestand why he needed Catholicism and how both of our needs could be met.

I would not allow him to take our children. I understand other people are okay with it but I would never allow my kids to be in an environment where discrimination against women and girls is supported. The church allows the prohibition of altar girls and that alone would be enough for me. My DDs are just as worthy as my DSs.

Wow, I was an altar girl in the early 90s and I was not even the first of which in my church. You sound just as mistaken as the guy who told me being an altar server is training for priesthood and only people seriously considering it should be eligible for the position. Guess that means the married father of five who trained me shouldn't have volunteered his time when the parish expressed its need?

Do you really not know that some parishes do not allow altar girls? Both the Washington Post and CNN have reported on it. If you didn't check out the links provided by a PP, did you not even think to do your own research? Do a little research. It's all out there. That your experience was different speaks to the preferences or your priest. Your friend was correct that even if a priest allows altar girls (which they don't have to) preference should be given to boys because "this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations."

http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=5212

So, what? Well, women can pursue non-priestly vocations.

Yeah! Like housewives and secretaries!

[Anonymous]

So, because DW does not like the Catholic Church's "attitude" - whatever that really is - with regard to women she should be in a position to dictate how her husband has chosen to meet his spiritual needs? She is behaving at best like a petulant child and at worst like a petty tyrant.