Any Jack & Jill members here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately—- the “best schools” are in the white neighborhoods. Well based on the biased ranking system. We didn’t know any better. We never imagined it would be this way. We thought with it being northern VA—- there would be more diversity.

In general she is happy here. She has her moments.

Waiting on the post that says "white neighborhoods" don't exist. When they quite obviously do.

I wish I could say they didn’t exist

[Anonymous]

Well if it makes you feel better. A lot of JJ kids do well, but there are plenty that end up in the mediocre bucket. Just as screwed up as the rest. Just look for other ways to get your child involved, develop leadership skills, etc.


And to all of those who are a part of the rejects. It stinks, but it could be the best thing you never had. You didn’t get to where you are today by chance. Keep making it happen for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately—- the “best schools” are in the white neighborhoods. Well based on the biased ranking system. We didn’t know any better. We never imagined it would be this way. We thought with it being northern VA—- there would be more diversity.

In general she is happy here. She has her moments.

Do you only judge a school based on academics? I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all school. The best school for my neighbor might not be the best school for my kid. They are different kids with different needs. Then next down the list would be what kind of activities are my kids into and what kind of environment do they thrive best in (sports/clubs/big school vs small, etc). Both of my kids went to different high schools to suit their individual needs. I would never consider a school where my Black child was an only. I don't care how affluent the school is or how much money I have. That type of school is not the "best school" for my kid. Maybe Billy next door, but not mine.

[Anonymous]

^^ I think I left out a sentence in my post, which might make it confusing but I think you can get the gist of what I'm saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man Here,
I belonged in the 70/80s as a kid. My mom liked it and my dad hated it. Now I have a kid and am on the fence about joining. We live in the "lilly white" suburbs and It would be nice for my boy to meet other black kids but I don't think that DW and I could stand the drama. They should make a new Bravo Network show about Jack & Jill.

Great idea. It would be awesome to expose the organization's history and the real reason that the organization exists; separate the Black haves and have nots.

What’s wrong with this? All races do this, all around the world. Poor whites associate with poor whites, rich people live around each other in exclusive communities, etc. People gravitate toward people they have stuff in common with, ie common lifestyle, goals, values, hobbies.

I don’t see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ I think I left out a sentence in my post, which might make it confusing but I think you can get the gist of what I'm saying.

I get what you’re saying. I literally didn’t know any better. We lived in Alexandria and decided when our oldest started school we would move closer to my job and also where the schools had higher rankings. I had no idea she would be the only black kid. I thought it would be diverse like Alexandria. We didn’t even check the demographics. We didn’t even think all white neighbors existed in an area like this. We have considered moving several times, but now she has friends to a certain extent. I’m hesitant to rip her out and this housing market is terrible. My husband has a good commute. I’ve searched everywhere ❤️. Like where does one even go?

We looked at Woodbridge but then you gotta hope for the lottery for the charter schools or do private.

I would love some advice. I’m heart broken everyday. Like she has found some good friends and distanced herself from others—. But I worry about stupid stuff or is it stupid. I always had self esteem issues and I really try to build her up. She is a beautiful girl and that’s not important—my point is she is starting to have crushes and the only options are of white boys. They don’t like her back. It sounds so stupid to some, but I don’t want her growing up feeling less than. Like I’m glad boys don’t notice her, but the message it send her is heartbreaking. If that makes sense. It’s not important, but it does something to little black girls self esteem.

[Anonymous]

He’s in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man Here,
I belonged in the 70/80s as a kid. My mom liked it and my dad hated it. Now I have a kid and am on the fence about joining. We live in the "lilly white" suburbs and It would be nice for my boy to meet other black kids but I don't think that DW and I could stand the drama. They should make a new Bravo Network show about Jack & Jill.

Great idea. It would be awesome to expose the organization's history and the real reason that the organization exists; separate the Black haves and have nots.

What’s wrong with this? All races do this, all around the world. Poor whites associate with poor whites, rich people live around each other in exclusive communities, etc. People gravitate toward people they have stuff in common with, ie common lifestyle, goals, values, hobbies.

I don’t see the issue.

I have many things in common with JJ families. I have many friends in JJ. However, the chapter where I reside is different. They are looking for lineage and old money. My husband and I are “new money”. I wasn’t even given a chance. Sis wouldn’t even share the open event info. I guess she’d seen everything she needed to see.

I plan trips and events for my family all the time and often cross paths with other JJ families. So I guess that’s the problem. You have this wonderful organization, that could help more of our race—- but instead excluded people just because their grandparents weren’t wealthy. I’m not making excuses, I was literally told that the chapter preferred legacy. But hey, even the Obamas got snubbed and we see who got the last laugh with that one.

At the end of the day, I just wanted what was best for my kids. Maybe instead of viewing it as rejection, I should look at it as them doing me a favor. No money, new money, old money—- we can snub each other but other races view us all the same. We would be stronger together, but that’s not what JJ is for. Hey, I’ve always created my own circles when needed. It will suck and won’t be the same but what are the options? Roll up my sleeves and get to work for my kids. It takes a village.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the chapter. The color thing is so old it doesn't mean anything anymore.

It's important to know that Jack and Jill is really a mom's organization. I met really great women, but my kids hated it. I had sons. Girls like it more.

It's nice to have another group of friends outside of school. It meant a lot to my kids when they were little, but as they got older that started to hate it. They wanted to spend their Saturdays during sporting activities.

I'd try it. You can always quit. People quit all the time. Some women will be great, others will suck. It's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey 15:29 - you bio sounds like me (AKA, lawyer, first in family to college) but I have never joined mocha moms because I thought it was only for sahms. Do only certain chapters include working moms? I have been thinking about Jack and Jill, but like you, am not sure if I would fit in.

I was in Mocha Moms and Jack and Jill when my kids were little. I'm also a lawyer, but not greek. I met some of my best friends in both. There are definitely working moms in Mocha Moms.

You would fit in. You'll meet some women you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may be UMC/UC but not one of them is truely wealthy and never will be.

This isn't true. Depends on the chapter. NYC and Westchester has more bankers, private equity folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, Thanks for the responses.

We live on the Rockville/Potomac border. We've struggled to find diverse churches that are anywhere close to us. I have learned that Sunday is the most segregated day of the week.

We are members of the National Cathedral and while we love it there it currently doesn't have Sunday school or a youth group (just the nursery which DD has aged out of).


I tried Mocha Moms when DD was a toddler but the women in that MoCo chapter seemed only interested in putting on a show. It seemed VERY superficial. DH and I have money but nothing to prove. The last I heard was that chapter is now defunct.

I guess there isn't a right answer for us. I think that J&J may be too pretentious for me to deal with. What I really want is a diverse group of kids with whom DD shares many of the same experiences. J&J and Mocha Moms are certainly (and intentionally) not diverse but what is?

I guess my search continues. . .

The Montgomery County J&J Chapter is really nice. Not pretentious. The Potomac Chapter is more pretentious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question - why would someone from PG County need to join J&J? Your ENTIRE county is black, so your children do not need the benefit of J&J (activities with other black children, etc.) because they would be getting that everyday at their predominantly black schools. I think this just shows that membership is perceived to be a badge of honor for those blacks who think they've made it as opposed to an organization that connects black families to activities that they can do together.

The county may be majority Black but a small percentage of those people have the pedigree that is desirable for J&J. Government workers, first generation college (think Strayer, online degrees, kids aren't going to college, etc...). This may be a sweeping generalization of the county but the true "J&J types" of PG County are few and far between. That county isn't considered the 9th ward of DC for nothing... a lot of people feel that it is extension of Ward 8.

It's nice that you recognize the stupidity of your statement.

Really? A good number of people in the PG County Chapter of J&J schlep their kids to upper NW privates. None of the houses in that county have retained pre-bubble value, highest percentage of short sales and foreclosures in the metro DC area. I also see more MD tags at DC public and charter schools than should be allowed. My statement may be a generalization but it certainly isn't stupid. You [or your family members] may be the exception but PG (or Prince Georges as the new money calls it) County is not rife with legacy J&J members.

You cannot be serious. I have friends who love living in PG County. There are lots of legacy members of J&J in the county. What would make you think otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biracial (black/white) woman here. Never heard of this organization until reading this thread. Interesting. How much exactly does it cost to be a part of this organization. Obviously I'm not thinking of being a part of it, I'm just curious.

Each chapter is different, the dues aren't that expensive I think the real spending comes from the mom sponsored activities that happen each month. So it does take time & money

I was told the DC J&J chapter was $8K per year.

One I know in VA is 5 grand

Just curious about the sources of this information... These amounts seem very steep. Is this for membership dues or are other variables included, e.g., travel, conferences, conventions, monthly activities?

My info came from a member.

EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER IS DIFFERENT AND HAS A DIFFERENT FINANCE/DUES STRUCTURE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason I ask, is we are upper middle class/borderline wealthy. I have great experience with hosting educational events, fundraisers, etc. I’m very involved at my daughter’s school. I was interested because my daughter is the only black girl in her entire grade. I just wanted to understand why are some chapters so cold. I know not everyone. I just couldn’t comprehend the snub. I have many friends in JJ, but unfortunately they are in another chapter. We seriously even considered moving (extreme and we came to our senses). It just hurts my daughter to not see anyone who looks like her. She has friends, but when she gets around other black kids she lights up!!! It would be great to surround herself with kids with similar backgrounds.

The saddest part is, I got snubbed by someone who was an acquaintance. She knows my work and wouldn’t even send me info about the open events.

I guess In a way I’m a little bitter and my heart hurts for my daughter. When I want something I work hard and I get it, but with this I hit a wall or rather a locked door.

We have church and church. Mocha moms it is.

I don't understand why people do this. I would never put my Black kid in a position to be "the only". It happened to me growing up, and it was very difficult. When we did move, and I was around other black people (and other non-white people) I felt like my world opened up. It was horrible being the only Black girl. I'm so glad it was only for a few years.

Same. I hated being the only black girl in school. It really sucks. My parents move to a very white suburb and it was so isolating. I ended going to Spelman. I swore I would never do this to my kid.