Older Moms with Babies-Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been horrifed my many a post, but this one takes the cake. I am an older mom and was in no way offended by the OP. Clearly a lot of older moms have big chips on their shoulders. I also think it is only fair to point out that waiting to have children until after 35 when you are married or otherwise 'ready' to have children does increase the chances tremendsouly of having a baby with birth defects. So while you all act like people who marry at 20 and have kids are idiots, which I might add is certainly not always true, I think the actions of those waiting indefinitely, thinking one can get pregnant at 38, 40 or 42, is downright irresponsible. Flame away.

Good post. There is this idea that everyone can just wait and wait, but there CAN BE serious consequences for it. I respect every woman's right to make those choices for whatever reasons, but it is not an apples to apples discussion. I have a friend who is 45 and cannot get pregnant and cannot believe it. Really? She and her DH waited seven years to have first. REALLY? I don't know...I find myself certainly feeling sympathetic, but part of me is thinking, ummmm, this is nature saying, NOT GOOD.

I do not think every 20 something is ready, but unfortunately their eggs are. Life is unfair this way, nature has not caught up with women's lib and we suffer for it, but when does it become about "choices" and "rights" and "personal decisions" and more about "reality"? I am conflicted...

Okay- so go ahead and get married really young when your eggs are optimal- should we say our teens? Then we can never have a potential issue in having children. THAT is ridiculous- you do what happens in your life.

Please stop responding to this thread. Let's all just let it die as it should.

[Anonymous]

I hope OP isn't assuming that a downs syndrome child can't have a wonderful life in the still unlikely event that an older couple had a child. Sorry to tell OP that at the ripe age of 40 my downs risk was one in 10,000--fertility is different for all people. I think if an older couple goes into having a child with eyes wide open then they will love what they are given. Seems as though the downs kids are pretty happy people--maybe OP needs to have that sort of child in her life to get her to appreciate joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in DC and went to the park with DD, at first I often could not tell if the caretaker was the mom or the grandma. After talking for awhile I realized that it was always the mom, no grandmas around. The thread about age reminds me of a question I always have, but is WAY too personal for an audience other than an annoymous form like this.

Why do moms often wait until their late 30s or early 40s to have kids? Is it that you are married later in life and it just works out that way, or is it a concious decision to have kids at an older age? Is it the career?

At 26, I always thought I was not ready. After I had my 1st at 30, I realize that I could have easily have handled it a few years earlier.

This is how I respond to people like you who ask such insensitive questions: "Maybe YOUR kind has kids at 14. MY KIND doesn't." Yes, I've actually used that line.

- married at 37
- first kid at 38
- second kid at 42

That's not a particularly clever line. I think insensitive questions require really good zingers. "Your kind/my kind" ... not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Okay- so go ahead and get married really young when your eggs are optimal- should we say our teens? Then we can never have a potential issue in having children. THAT is ridiculous- you do what happens in your life.

The babies from 20-somethings could be physically ok, but emotionally a wreck. I just learned that in the midwest people marry while they're in college. Goes to show why there's such a high divorce rate in the good ol' US of A.

[Anonymous]

Calm down, everyone -- there are many paths up the mountain, but the view from the top is the same.

[Anonymous]

Married young. Infertile for years and years before having a baby at 36.

There are all kinds of reasons that people "wait" to have kids. Exercise a little sensitivity, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay- so go ahead and get married really young when your eggs are optimal- should we say our teens? Then we can never have a potential issue in having children. THAT is ridiculous- you do what happens in your life.

The babies from 20-somethings could be physically ok, but emotionally a wreck. I just learned that in the midwest people marry while they're in college. Goes to show why there's such a high divorce rate in the good ol' US of A.

It doesn't follow from anything you've cited that babies born to women in their 20s are "emotionally a wreck." You weren't studying logic in the many years leading up to eveeeentual parenthood, were you?

[Anonymous]

more down syndrom babies are born to younger women. Your chances increase as you get older to have a downs baby but most are from the younger crowd.

[Anonymous]

uhm, that's because more babies are born to younger women than there are to older women.

What's with you people anyways? You know, older moms really don't themselves a favor by bashing younger moms to proof their point. I am a younger mom, and could care less how old you were when you had your first kid. My pregnancies were planned, we're happy with our decision. And I gather, so are older moms. And if you're not happy, there's nothing you can do about it, once baby is there. Which is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:uhm, that's because more babies are born to younger women than there are to older women.

What's with you people anyways? You know, older moms really don't themselves a favor by bashing younger moms to proof their point. I am a younger mom, and could care less how old you were when you had your first kid. My pregnancies were planned, we're happy with our decision. And I gather, so are older moms. And if you're not happy, there's nothing you can do about it, once baby is there. Which is okay.

Now that you mention it, I think I did read that younger women have more incidences of downs syndrome. It has to do with the fact that they don't test for it believing that they are "safe" since they are younger.

I'm not a younger mom, but I think having a baby at 55+ is really too old. Remember the Italian woman who had twins at 60?

[Anonymous]

Who the f*ck cares? I could care less if you are 14 or 50. It doesn't impact me in anyway. Anyone who is really concerned about the younger/older mom issue needs to take a step back and figure out why it is bothering them so much. Because it is really YOUR problem and it is disgusting that you feel better about yourself by putting someone else's choice down. Grow up - no matter how old you are.

[Anonymous]

I had my first baby at 30. In D.C., I feel like a "younger" mom. In my hometown, I feel like an "older" (first-time) mom. I know great moms and not-so-great moms in both places in a wide range of ages, just like there are great stay-at-home moms and bad ones, great working moms and bad ones, good and bad breastfeeding moms, good formula-feeding moms, good and bad moms who do CIO, good and bad moms who co-sleep... you get the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the f*ck cares? I could care less if you are 14 or 50. It doesn't impact me in anyway.

If teens have babies at 14, it becomes a societal problem. Welfare, juvenile detention, low-wage dead-end jobs, for both parent and child ...

Children having children IS a problem and becomes YOUR problem, sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

I married my husband when I was 25 and he was 27. We tried and tried to get pregnant, but couldn't afford the kind of infertility treatments that other people could. Because we were both in law enforcement at the time we also were not prime candidates for adoption. Two years ago at 45 I stopped having periods, was very tired and was gaining weight. I went to my OB for HRT for menopause. God smiled on me with twin boys instead! The happiest moment of my life was having my GYN do a sonagram right there in the office and show me my boys at 16 weeks (yes, I was FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT!). I called my husband to come to the doctor's office and didn't tell him why, we both cried!

They are 18 months old now and the joys of our lives. When people ask me, and they have, why we waited so long, I just smile and laugh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband when I was 25 and he was 27. We tried and tried to get pregnant, but couldn't afford the kind of infertility treatments that other people could. Because we were both in law enforcement at the time we also were not prime candidates for adoption. Two years ago at 45 I stopped having periods, was very tired and was gaining weight. I went to my OB for HRT for menopause. God smiled on me with twin boys instead! The happiest moment of my life was having my GYN do a sonagram right there in the office and show me my boys at 16 weeks (yes, I was FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT!). I called my husband to come to the doctor's office and didn't tell him why, we both cried!

They are 18 months old now and the joys of our lives. When people ask me, and they have, why we waited so long, I just smile and laugh!

What a great story.