14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t even flying out of DC, but from another state we’ve been in since Saturday. This morning she refused to get out of bed, started crying, and wouldn’t do anything to get ready.
I called my SIL. She stayed on the phone and tried talking to her, but DD ignored her for about 10 minutes and didn’t say a word, just wrapped up in her blanket. After about 20 minutes she finally realized she wasn’t getting off the phone, got up still crying, didn’t even wear her shoes, slammed the door, and then stayed quiet the whole way there and ended up falling asleep.

This is the worst update ever and we’re all invested so at least make up something good. Why did you call the SIL? Did she go on the trip or not?

She refused to get out of bed or get dressed that’s why I called my SIL for help, who tried talking to her for about 10 minutes, while she ignored her and stayed silent. Eventually she yelled “no I’m not going,” and it took ten more minutes for her to get out of bed. She tried taking the phone away from me multiple times. She slammed the door, and went out to the car.

At the airport, she initially refused to get out of the car, layed in the backseat then started crying, saying she wanted donuts—specifically that she wanted them in the car. I told her she needed to come inside, so after more crying she did get out and we got donuts. After that she mostly shut down—very minimal talking, one word answers, and spent the rest of the time sleeping at the airport. On the plane, she slept for most of the flight. When food came, she refused it at first, then later asked the flight attendant for food . Still while disengaged and grumpy.

By the end of the flight she was fully awake. She asked my phone, I said no, so she sat there and read. While we were waiting for our ride, she opened her suitcase, took out the folded clothes, and put everything back in disorganized. When it was time to leave, she refused to carry it and sat on top of it instead.

When we told her it was time to go, she got up and walked off toward another part of the airport, not responding when we called her. She didn’t go far, but she positioned herself off to the side near a wall and just stood there. It took a few minutes just to get her to come back over.

Then the cab arrived. The driver was very calm and patient and tried speaking to her kindly. She didn’t respond to him at all. When we tried to get her into the cab, she again refused to move and stayed seated on the suitcase. The driver ended up waiting while we tried to work through it and kept reassuring us it was fine. After about 10 minutes of going back and forth, he bribed her with something and told her she could sit up front. That, combined with us continuing to prompt her, finally got her to stand up, get in the car. She’s acting okay now and is happy about being in Italy, and wants to go to a beach tomorrow, but I don’t know about that after todays terrible behavior.

So we did make it, but it was a very slow, drawn-out process the entire way, with a lot of refusal.

I just posted from our beach vacation and called our SIL for help too. Seriously. I’m glad you made it. My kid was equally ridiculously.

[Anonymous]

It’s good that she snapped out of it. But this is not normal. Some attitude here and there is normal but please believe the near consensus here that this is not. I hope you find the help you need and get to the bottom of whatever is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the first time something like this has happened? If so, I'd be very concerned about what's happening in her private life. This is so beyond typical teenage annoyance and behavior. Either something serious is going on and she's acting out because of it, or she's starting to show signs of a significant mental health issue.

THIS! I was a difficult teen but this is over the top. Something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

Yes, you can when you consider their needs and wants and make the focus on them vs you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t even flying out of DC, but from another state we’ve been in since Saturday. This morning she refused to get out of bed, started crying, and wouldn’t do anything to get ready.
I called my SIL. She stayed on the phone and tried talking to her, but DD ignored her for about 10 minutes and didn’t say a word, just wrapped up in her blanket. After about 20 minutes she finally realized she wasn’t getting off the phone, got up still crying, didn’t even wear her shoes, slammed the door, and then stayed quiet the whole way there and ended up falling asleep.

This is the worst update ever and we’re all invested so at least make up something good. Why did you call the SIL? Did she go on the trip or not?

She refused to get out of bed or get dressed that’s why I called my SIL for help, who tried talking to her for about 10 minutes, while she ignored her and stayed silent. Eventually she yelled “no I’m not going,” and it took ten more minutes for her to get out of bed. She tried taking the phone away from me multiple times. She slammed the door, and went out to the car.

At the airport, she initially refused to get out of the car, layed in the backseat then started crying, saying she wanted donuts—specifically that she wanted them in the car. I told her she needed to come inside, so after more crying she did get out and we got donuts. After that she mostly shut down—very minimal talking, one word answers, and spent the rest of the time sleeping at the airport. On the plane, she slept for most of the flight. When food came, she refused it at first, then later asked the flight attendant for food . Still while disengaged and grumpy.

By the end of the flight she was fully awake. She asked my phone, I said no, so she sat there and read. While we were waiting for our ride, she opened her suitcase, took out the folded clothes, and put everything back in disorganized. When it was time to leave, she refused to carry it and sat on top of it instead.

When we told her it was time to go, she got up and walked off toward another part of the airport, not responding when we called her. She didn’t go far, but she positioned herself off to the side near a wall and just stood there. It took a few minutes just to get her to come back over.

Then the cab arrived. The driver was very calm and patient and tried speaking to her kindly. She didn’t respond to him at all. When we tried to get her into the cab, she again refused to move and stayed seated on the suitcase. The driver ended up waiting while we tried to work through it and kept reassuring us it was fine. After about 10 minutes of going back and forth, he bribed her with something and told her she could sit up front. That, combined with us continuing to prompt her, finally got her to stand up, get in the car. She’s acting okay now and is happy about being in Italy, and wants to go to a beach tomorrow, but I don’t know about that after todays terrible behavior.

So we did make it, but it was a very slow, drawn-out process the entire way, with a lot of refusal.

I just posted from our beach vacation and called our SIL for help too. Seriously. I’m glad you made it. My kid was equally ridiculously.

Cruel and bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

All kids do not regularly have moments like this. You need to address this when you get home.

This. Also maybe you need to back off on giving her so much. She is acting spoiled because she is. I’m a teacher in a Title 1 school and I can’t picture any of them acting this way if I told them I was taking them on a spring break trip to Italy. Heck, my own kid would be packed before me if I took him anywhere. He would’ve Chat GPTed the entire trip before I could’ve even ordered a travel guide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

Believing most of the posters on the TEEN forum don’t have teens is just wishful thinking. We all have teens. We do not have teens who are so selfish and spoiled that they try to hold the whole family hostage over an international vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

Yes, you can when you consider their needs and wants and make the focus on them vs you.

Wait, you are suggesting OP and I should plan our entire vacations over the wants of our 14 and 15 year old kids? Do do realize their wants change by the minute. OP posted an update that her DD is happy in Italy. My update is that mine is happy at her beach and tropical vacation.

No, sorry, we are paying a lot of money for these international trips and have other members of the family and other kids too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

False. I have two moody whiny teenage girls. They would never pull this or anything close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Nah, my 15 yo tried the same and we are currently out of the country at a beach vacation. We had the exact same argument the night before and she ended up coming. We’ve had our moments on the trip and she has taken thousands of photos and had some good moments but told us she really just hates warm weather and tropical locations.

I think most of these posters don’t have teens. You can’t make them happy. It’s the age. I hope your trip is going okay, OP. Try to ignore her and leave her in the hotel.

Yes, you can when you consider their needs and wants and make the focus on them vs you.

+1

[Anonymous]

My DD, who is studious but also a bit anxious asked us if we could take either shorter trips or no trips during school breaks/long weekends (not counting summer break) because usually has work she needs to catch up on or wants to get ahead on. This is very reasonable to us and we will do just that going forward. She didn’t throw a fit or anything though, but maybe she would end up there if we routinely ignored her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

This is what the cycle of domestic violence looks like - with DD as the abuser and you the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

This is what the cycle of domestic violence looks like - with DD as the abuser and you the victim.

+1. This is not okay or normal or a “like all kids do” situation. Just so we are clear.

[Anonymous]

Italy? Of course make her go.
I refused to go on one family vacation but to be fair I was 17, it was a camping trip to a mining ghost town in the UP of Michigan and I was just not doing it. I had a job and I wanted to stay home and earn money. My sister said it was the worst trip they ever went on.