14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

I would be calm and give her the option of cooperating now and on the trip OR we can make this difficult and she loses every privilege known to man for the foreseeable future.

Unfortunately, it seems like you've lost control and I don't know the lead up to this. But she also needs to know that family is important, family time is important, and that she is lucky to be able to go on any vacation. Stress how hurtful it is that she is being ungrateful for the trip, the money that you paid, and that she does not want to spend time with family.

IF she chooses the hard way, I'd consider her not going if she can find some place to stay. Buy she would indeed lose privileges and alot of them (including phone) for the foreseeable future. And You need to work to regain a bit of control here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pack a bag for her and tell her that she may not have what she needs on the trip if she refuses to pack for herself. From now until departure time, I'd ignore her and just go about your business. Do not let her see you sweat this.

Agree with this. I’m in Italy now with a 14 year old. There has been some complaining and refusal to do things, but overall they’ve enjoyed it. The first big complaint I left them in the hotel room but took phone with me. They were obviously bored, and felt like they missed out after hearing siblings excited about what they did. There was still complaining after that, but never to the point where they knew I’d just leave them behind again if they kept it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

Ok, I posted already and didn't see this. ITALY? I'd tell her to get her head out of her a$$ and she's going. Full stop. Then pack a bag. If she doesn't have what she needs - tough. But she's going.

Then hype it up. She will love it there.

[Anonymous]

NP. She loses her phone for a month for the bad behavior already. If she doesn’t get herself up and out she loses the phone for a year.

It’s the phone that’s causing this. She wants to post beach pictures on TikTok like some of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t even flying out of DC, but from another state we’ve been in since Saturday. This morning she refused to get out of bed, started crying, and wouldn’t do anything to get ready.
I called my SIL. She stayed on the phone and tried talking to her, but DD ignored her for about 10 minutes and didn’t say a word, just wrapped up in her blanket. After about 20 minutes she finally realized she wasn’t getting off the phone, got up still crying, didn’t even wear her shoes, slammed the door, and then stayed quiet the whole way there and ended up falling asleep.

This is the worst update ever and we’re all invested so at least make up something good. Why did you call the SIL? Did she go on the trip or not?

She refused to get out of bed or get dressed that’s why I called my SIL for help, who tried talking to her for about 10 minutes, while she ignored her and stayed silent. Eventually she yelled “no I’m not going,” and it took ten more minutes for her to get out of bed. She tried taking the phone away from me multiple times. She slammed the door, and went out to the car.

At the airport, she initially refused to get out of the car, layed in the backseat then started crying, saying she wanted donuts—specifically that she wanted them in the car. I told her she needed to come inside, so after more crying she did get out and we got donuts. After that she mostly shut down—very minimal talking, one word answers, and spent the rest of the time sleeping at the airport. On the plane, she slept for most of the flight. When food came, she refused it at first, then later asked the flight attendant for food . Still while disengaged and grumpy.

By the end of the flight she was fully awake. She asked my phone, I said no, so she sat there and read. While we were waiting for our ride, she opened her suitcase, took out the folded clothes, and put everything back in disorganized. When it was time to leave, she refused to carry it and sat on top of it instead.

When we told her it was time to go, she got up and walked off toward another part of the airport, not responding when we called her. She didn’t go far, but she positioned herself off to the side near a wall and just stood there. It took a few minutes just to get her to come back over.

Then the cab arrived. The driver was very calm and patient and tried speaking to her kindly. She didn’t respond to him at all. When we tried to get her into the cab, she again refused to move and stayed seated on the suitcase. The driver ended up waiting while we tried to work through it and kept reassuring us it was fine. After about 10 minutes of going back and forth, he bribed her with something and told her she could sit up front. That, combined with us continuing to prompt her, finally got her to stand up, get in the car. She’s acting okay now and is happy about being in Italy, and wants to go to a beach tomorrow, but I don’t know about that after todays terrible behavior.

So we did make it, but it was a very slow, drawn-out process the entire way, with a lot of refusal.

Pathetic behavior here, from the adults. But I actually think it’s a troll.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to know how many of these posters actually have parented a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Wow. If she continues to embarrass you like that, take her for coffee and tell her so. She's acting like a toddler and it's not a good look.

[Anonymous]

OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After OPs update, I no longer believe this is a real thread.

It’s real, which is why I posted this. I was expecting a lot of refusal, so I was worried she wouldn’t come out of the house at all to leave, thankfully I got a few good ideas from this post. OP

why- I could totally see my bratty 15 year old doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

All kids do not regularly have moments like this. You need to address this when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pack a bag for her and tell her that she may not have what she needs on the trip if she refuses to pack for herself. From now until departure time, I'd ignore her and just go about your business. Do not let her see you sweat this.

Agree with this. I’m in Italy now with a 14 year old. There has been some complaining and refusal to do things, but overall they’ve enjoyed it. The first big complaint I left them in the hotel room but took phone with me. They were obviously bored, and felt like they missed out after hearing siblings excited about what they did. There was still complaining after that, but never to the point where they knew I’d just leave them behind again if they kept it up.

Why would you do this? Maybe they just want to relax at home. Not everyone wants constant travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

We are on vacation and my teen has had grumpy moments, but absolutely NOTHING close to what you’re describing.

Either your dd has some neurodivergence that you’re not aware of or not accepting or you absolutely coddle her and a mere apology is considered an acceptable punishment for what was absolutely appalling behavior. Consider if you have created this monster by allowing her to be a brat in the past. Ask your relatives, they’ll tell you the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

All kids do not regularly have moments like this. You need to address this when you get home.

+1

None of this is normal. Most kids including teenagers do not behave this way. This definitely needs to be addressed when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. So, my daughter has been behaving very well and enjoying the trip. She did come up and apologize today for how she acted (something she usually does after she acts out), and she called her aunt to apologize for ignoring her while she was on the phone. She’s a sweet and good girl, but she does have her moments like all kids do.

A good start. But you prob need to start reinforcing gratitude and respect more at home b/c, no, "all kids" do not act like this. She embarrassed herself (and you), whether she knows it or not. They all have moments but this was a pretty big one, imo. So you're minimizing it is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pack a bag for her and tell her that she may not have what she needs on the trip if she refuses to pack for herself. From now until departure time, I'd ignore her and just go about your business. Do not let her see you sweat this.

Agree with this. I’m in Italy now with a 14 year old. There has been some complaining and refusal to do things, but overall they’ve enjoyed it. The first big complaint I left them in the hotel room but took phone with me. They were obviously bored, and felt like they missed out after hearing siblings excited about what they did. There was still complaining after that, but never to the point where they knew I’d just leave them behind again if they kept it up.

Why would you do this? Maybe they just want to relax at home. Not everyone wants constant travel.

Nothing in any post indicated "constant travel." So stop making things up and moving the bar.