She wants a very high-quality man—what are her chances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

[Anonymous]

What are her realistic chances of attracting a man like this?
SLIM and NONE

[Anonymous]

NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

[Anonymous]

Would she like being a teacher? You say she's intelligent and good at school, so maybe teaching is a way to connect this with her desire for a family. She could work with children at a job that gives plenty of holidays and summers off to devote to spending time with her own family, and if she marries well she can work at a private school that doesn't pay much but will offer nice work conditions. And she could take a year or two off to stay home with very young children if she wanted, with an easy re-entry back into work if she wanted that.

This would be better than doing nothing, I would think, and ultimately more fulfilling than just being a housewife? Plus she'd have something to fall back on if the marriage failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

[Anonymous]

Lol…she wants Trey MacDougal.

She’s not going to find him. He’s not real. He is a fictional character. Real people are complicated than television tropes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are petty and jealous.

I know a number of scenarios similar to what this girl wants. Yes, she’s going to have to compromise on some things here and there, but there definitely is the model of attractive/attentive woman who marries a career focused man who wants someone to cater to them. This is not as uncommon as people on here want to admit. In my world, this woman typically comes with some sort of ‘acceptable’ background- went to a good school, from an UMC family, and typically has some sort of limited use but interesting degree/education.

Examples that I know.
MFA with a lawyer from a wealthy family
Studio art major with a cardiologist
Art history major with finance/business bro
Special ed degree with a doctor (btw- this is the exception to ‘useless’ degree)

None of these women worked

Sure, but normally these women are functioning members of society even if their focus is on the home. They are on the board of the library, part of the local women’s club, volunteering in schools. In many cases they have traveled and worked a bit before focusing on home life. They’re not 22 year old passenger princesses who seem to lack interest in all basic adulting skills, but claim they will figure everything out for a ‘high quality’ man.

PP you’re not following. The example you cite are what these women often look like in the future. But my examples are true and match what op posted. An attractive, smart, fairly educated woman from a nice MC/UMC family who wants to marry, not have a career and is willing to cater to her husband as her primary focus.

It’s not the worst thing in the world and in many ways these relationships are easier than when two professionals match up.

You read it perfectly. Many wealthy and successful men want a beautiful wife who is going to stay in the background and cater to them.

But they're not fool enough to believe someone with zero motivation is going to do it excellently. And they'll see the not-driving, can't-be-out-by-myself thing for the mental health problem that it is. They want a WIFE who is discreet and low-drama but is actually a highly capable partner in implementing their life agenda. Not a passenger princess who adds very little, especially when her beauty fades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

Sure, a doctor may go for a nurse or a lawyer a paralegal but here we are talking about a helpless college student who wants no career and can’t drive a car. What successful man is looking for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

This actually isn't the reality in 2026 and hasn't been for several decades. Assortative mating is pretty locked in. The high profile lawyers and doctors who marry secretaries and flight attendants are the outliers. The wealthiest Wall Street guys I know brag about and compete with each other about making enough to "put your wife out of work." And the "own" in that is that the women they are putting out of work are high earning and very successful. Marrying a woman like OP describes is a real beta move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

Sure, a doctor may go for a nurse or a lawyer a paralegal but here we are talking about a helpless college student who wants no career and can’t drive a car. What successful man is looking for that?

Exactly. Those are women who have shown their energy, initiative, and intelligence. No they're not splitting atoms, but you don't get through nursing school or being a good paralegal without some smarts. Totally different from someone with zero initiative and zero accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is great at hosting and event organizing then she can handle social life.

But how is this person great at hosting and event organizing if she’s introverted, has few friends, and doesn’t work? Makes no sense.

Also WTF is a “clean soft girl”?