Childhood friend will stay with me for a week. What do you think will happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

Seems like either he’s told his wife that he’s sleeping at an ex’s house so she’s tacitly allowing the possibility of you hooking up, or he’s not telling her in order to allow the possibility of hooking up. Either way I think he wants to hit on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a loser? What 40-year old man asks to crash on his friend's couch? Is his wife ok with this?

See above, it’s a figure of speech. Of course he’ll have a bedroom

No, the idea is any decent adult will get a hotel. Even if he wants some strange, he should invite you to the hotel lobby for drinks and take it from there. Show some class (well as much as a cheater can muster).

So wait if he doesn’t make a move he is still an indecent adult and a cheater?

NP. Asking to crash on OPs couch as a married, 40-something is what is indecent. Unless his marriage is basically over. But if that's not the case, I guarantee that this guy is not telling his wife the truth. Because that's a sleazy thing to do--it puts both the wife and OP in an uncomfortable situation. Just pony up the $250 and get a hotel. Especially if he is there for work.

OP talks about how guys she wants to date are beneath her. But this married cheapskate isn't?

If he’s here for work, his job definitely paid for a hotel unless he’s self employed. So why’s he pretending to not have one?….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, thanks everyone for offering their perspective.
As I think about it, I think nothing is going to happen. First, he is a bit clueless (awkward engineer type). Second, he is just much better looking than me at this point. Third, he is married
I understand him wanting to save money, $2500 worth of hotel stays is a lot. I wouldn’t call him cheap for that, we both come from modest means.
The only thing that can maybe happen is that he still has that decades old view of me, and he doesn’t sleep with his wife.
I have no idea what his married life is like and I am not going to ask.
Finally, it’s not a matter of self respect for me.
I don’t want a relationship and I don’t want to run around looking for hookups. This is a “thoroughly vetted” good looking guy who would leave in a week and would be easy to avoid if needed.
I find it quite unlikely that he would *want* to make a move but would also be too shy. So I’ll just behave like a friend and see what happens.

I wish I could get men’s perspective on here but oh well.

How about find hookups like a normal adult woman. Why are you so concerned about avoiding men you’ve hooked up with when they did the same thing you did?

[Anonymous]

Are you from a Christian country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

If you go back to college years, why does the title say "childhood friend"?

Something doesn't ring true here. Nobody describes their college years as childhood.

[Anonymous]

I think what kind of 40-year old is crashing on someone's couch? That is so strange to me.

In any event, I doubt he set it up so that he could hook up with you but I'd watch out for any signs on inappropriate behavior. Just because I find the whole couch crashing thing suspect at that age so he sounds like someone who makes poor decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

Ew. But he is married. I mean, never mind that it's gross, why disrespect yourself like that? No one respects someone they sleep with if they're married to someone else. No matter what he may say to you...

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why he's crashing at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

You sound like you want to be his sloppy seconds.

+1

Have some self respect. If not respect for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some things need to be explained.
First, we are both not from the U.S.
Where we are from, looks are important.
Staying at a hotel isn’t as customary. If there’s a friend who has a spare room it’s totally normal to crush at someone’s house.
As for “forgetting” his wallet he already said he owed me and I said it was fine but he could pay for a meal if he wanted to. I know DCUM’s imagination runs wild but he isn’t a cheapskate

You mean, planet earth?

[Anonymous]

My hs/college friend, who we had a fling together, no relationship, actually contacted me recently, asking for a relationship. I had to politely decline and tell him that I was married, it was weird, he’s married too but I guess there’s a dead bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, I’m not really sure what you are looking for.

You are obviously excited at the thought of sleeping with him, but when multiple people pointed out he’s married and this is a bad situation, you say “well it’s normal in my culture to stay with friends!”

Obviously it’s not THAT normal and common to have friends stay over if you’re giddy over hooking up with this guy.

Not sure why you’re so excited about a man who judges women on their beauty and sleeps over at other women’s houses while married. This guy is a loser, whether it’s culture or not. Not worth your time or mental energy.

I haven’t decided if I’d sleep with him, it’s a maybe.
And I don’t care about his moral qualities as I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship with him.
I am just wondering if he’ll make a move.

I didn’t want to go into details but I don’t want a relationship, with anyone. The guys who are interested - they are below me, the guys I’m interested in would probably not give me the time of day, I didn’t check.
A short fling with someone I won’t see for another few years if ever would be perfect, it’s not lack of self respect, but I’m not going to over explain myself here.

You'll sleep with him knowing he's married?

You're a bad person. Full stop. And kinda blows my mind you think men are beneath you. There's really no lower than cheating.

[Anonymous]

This is tacky. He's married. Lose some weight and go find excitement elsewhere. No you should not be letting him stay with you, it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

OP is going to go Annie Wilkes on this guy. You’re his number one fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

If you go back to college years, why does the title say "childhood friend"?

Something doesn't ring true here. Nobody describes their college years as childhood.

He has “other business” in town but not actual work where they would pay for a hotel? Whole post and set up sounds fake.