Childhood friend will stay with me for a week. What do you think will happen?

[Anonymous]

OP all cats are gray in the dark so it doesn't matter but have some self respect ok?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a loser? What 40-year old man asks to crash on his friend's couch? Is his wife ok with this?

See above, it’s a figure of speech. Of course he’ll have a bedroom

No, the idea is any decent adult will get a hotel. Even if he wants some strange, he should invite you to the hotel lobby for drinks and take it from there. Show some class (well as much as a cheater can muster).

So wait if he doesn’t make a move he is still an indecent adult and a cheater?

NP. Asking to crash on OPs couch as a married, 40-something is what is indecent. Unless his marriage is basically over. But if that's not the case, I guarantee that this guy is not telling his wife the truth. Because that's a sleazy thing to do--it puts both the wife and OP in an uncomfortable situation. Just pony up the $250 and get a hotel. Especially if he is there for work.

OP talks about how guys she wants to date are beneath her. But this married cheapskate isn't?

If he’s here for work, his job definitely paid for a hotel unless he’s self employed. So why’s he pretending to not have one?….

He’ll between work even 1 and work event 2

[Anonymous]

Here's the male perspective you are looking for, OP. I'm going to get dragged for saying this, but I hear (understand) you.

To answer your question: Yes, he has likely thought about the two of you being together again. Those thoughts have intrigued him enough to strategically set up this week's stay at your place.

He knew you'd say yes to crashing at your place. He has picked up that you think he's hot. When you said yes to him staying, in his mind, you confirmed what he suspected. Unfortunately, his being married can't compete with nature. It's cliche, but there's something to the adage, "what's love got to do with it."

Here's how this will likely play out:

He's betting that you will make the first move--especially since you're ok with him staying with you.

If you don't make the first move, he will, eventually at some point during the week. And when he does, it will take a lot of will power not to give in (on both your parts).

I appreciate your honesty and candor. And I totally understand why you are excited. Life gets boring for all of us--married, or not. Hell, I got excited just imagining how that week could play out!

My advice. Try to resist the temptation and don't do it. One way that could help is to "take care of yourself" a lot before he gets there.

[Anonymous]

A guy who can't afford a hotel (or who doesn't have a respectable job that pays for a hotel) is not a guy who can afford to have a side piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a loser? What 40-year old man asks to crash on his friend's couch? Is his wife ok with this?

See above, it’s a figure of speech. Of course he’ll have a bedroom

No, the idea is any decent adult will get a hotel. Even if he wants some strange, he should invite you to the hotel lobby for drinks and take it from there. Show some class (well as much as a cheater can muster).

So wait if he doesn’t make a move he is still an indecent adult and a cheater?

NP. Asking to crash on OPs couch as a married, 40-something is what is indecent. Unless his marriage is basically over. But if that's not the case, I guarantee that this guy is not telling his wife the truth. Because that's a sleazy thing to do--it puts both the wife and OP in an uncomfortable situation. Just pony up the $250 and get a hotel. Especially if he is there for work.

OP talks about how guys she wants to date are beneath her. But this married cheapskate isn't?

If he’s here for work, his job definitely paid for a hotel unless he’s self employed. So why’s he pretending to not have one?….

He’ll between work even 1 and work event 2

For a whole week? He's cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

What do you think and what do you want? Is this a desire for you? What is in your best interest? How might it impact your friendship if this happens?

You are more important than what strangers on here think.

I don’t want a relationship and our friendship isn’t that close. It would be a great out of sight out of mind situation and he lives far away so that would be perfect. However! I will never ever show him I am even thinking about it.
It’s not a high stakes situation for me, but rather as I said a mild excitement in my boring life

Do you have no ethical compass? None at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have integrity and would never hook up with a guy who is married. I am a girl's girl, and would never be that person. If he made a move on him I'd rebuff him and tell him it's best he go stay in a hotel. We would no longer be friends, because I'd have lost respect for him.

PS. Being overweight doesn't automatically make you less good looking than someone skinny. There are plenty of ugly women and guys who are fit.

Might be worth adding that we are from a culture where a woman’s looks mean a lot!

Are you from a culture that is ok with having affairs with married men?

[Anonymous]

This is lonely and sad. Tell him you’ve changed your mind and cannot accommodate his trip logistics. Do not let him stay or visit your home, no drinks out. Stop playing mind games with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

Seems like either he’s told his wife that he’s sleeping at an ex’s house so she’s tacitly allowing the possibility of you hooking up, or he’s not telling her in order to allow the possibility of hooking up. Either way I think he wants to hit on you.

Knowing him I wouldn’t be surprised if he just told her he was staying with an old friend and assured her he’d never do anything unethical. And maybe he actually does think that way.
I’m just mildly curious about all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is lonely and sad. Tell him you’ve changed your mind and cannot accommodate his trip logistics. Do not let him stay or visit your home, no drinks out. Stop playing mind games with yourself.

I don’t expect drinks out but it’s highly likely he will be on his best behavior so why not take him in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have integrity and would never hook up with a guy who is married. I am a girl's girl, and would never be that person. If he made a move on him I'd rebuff him and tell him it's best he go stay in a hotel. We would no longer be friends, because I'd have lost respect for him.

PS. Being overweight doesn't automatically make you less good looking than someone skinny. There are plenty of ugly women and guys who are fit.

Might be worth adding that we are from a culture where a woman’s looks mean a lot!

Are you from a culture that is ok with having affairs with married men?

It’s generally more acceptable than here but also frowned upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the male perspective you are looking for, OP. I'm going to get dragged for saying this, but I hear (understand) you.

To answer your question: Yes, he has likely thought about the two of you being together again. Those thoughts have intrigued him enough to strategically set up this week's stay at your place.

He knew you'd say yes to crashing at your place. He has picked up that you think he's hot. When you said yes to him staying, in his mind, you confirmed what he suspected. Unfortunately, his being married can't compete with nature. It's cliche, but there's something to the adage, "what's love got to do with it."

Here's how this will likely play out:

He's betting that you will make the first move--especially since you're ok with him staying with you.

If you don't make the first move, he will, eventually at some point during the week. And when he does, it will take a lot of will power not to give in (on both your parts).

I appreciate your honesty and candor. And I totally understand why you are excited. Life gets boring for all of us--married, or not. Hell, I got excited just imagining how that week could play out!

My advice. Try to resist the temptation and don't do it. One way that could help is to "take care of yourself" a lot before he gets there.

Hey, thanks so much for writing this!

I can’t promise I’ll take your advice but I am grateful for what you wrote.
Also, I hope you are a little excited to know that yes there are women like me, we exist. I promise I am not “sad and lonely” and I am not desperate for a “relationship”.
I am just too much like a man for my own good, I’d say. And I want what I want, that or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

If you go back to college years, why does the title say "childhood friend"?

Something doesn't ring true here. Nobody describes their college years as childhood.

Known each other since HS, would hang out a lot in college years and that’s when we would crash on couches in general. It doesn’t matter, don’t get too hung up on the timeline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

Ew. But he is married. I mean, never mind that it's gross, why disrespect yourself like that? No one respects someone they sleep with if they're married to someone else. No matter what he may say to you...

First,
I don’t think it’s true.
Second,
I don’t really care about his respect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why he's crashing at your house.

He has two work events with hotels paid but a week between them so he wants to stay in the area.