My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

No I would not dismiss any kid based on background or ‘being poor’. Quite the opposite in fact. A kid who excels at Duke from MC or underprivileged background is worth a look! If I read correctly up thread though, Nephew has a 2.9? That may not be disastrous. But it’s not a pulled together successful college career either, that’s more like sleepwalking to commencement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

No I would not dismiss any kid based on background or ‘being poor’. Quite the opposite in fact. A kid who excels at Duke from MC or underprivileged background is worth a look! If I read correctly up thread though, Nephew has a 2.9? That may not be disastrous. But it’s not a pulled together successful college career either, that’s more like sleepwalking to commencement.

The way OP is trickle truthing the facts about this kid, I would not be at ALL surprised if she's using the DCUM definition of "middle class" and her sister went to Penn and now is a Director at a non-profit, Dad went to NYU and is a GS-15 lawyer and they make about 500k a year. And they would be horrified to see OP talking about their family and kid like this because they don't make High Finance money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

No I would not dismiss any kid based on background or ‘being poor’. Quite the opposite in fact. A kid who excels at Duke from MC or underprivileged background is worth a look! If I read correctly up thread though, Nephew has a 2.9? That may not be disastrous. But it’s not a pulled together successful college career either, that’s more like sleepwalking to commencement.

I think the 2.9 was the son of some other poster. The athlete.

If nephew did have a 2.9 then OP should have led with that instead of middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume.(And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit) ...

This is what DCUM does not understand. These first-year financier jobs pay around 150,000USD. The time to land such a job was 12 to 18 months ago and required years of preparation. Smart kids kill for these jobs. You don't get to be an unmotivated slacker at a top 10 college and cut to the front of the line a month before graduation because an uncle you barely know vouches for you. It is delusional and low class to even ask the uncle for such a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume.(And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit) ...

This is what DCUM does not understand. These first-year financier jobs pay around 150,000USD. The time to land such a job was 12 to 18 months ago and required years of preparation. Smart kids kill for these jobs. You don't get to be an unmotivated slacker at a top 10 college and cut to the front of the line a month before graduation because an uncle you barely know vouches for you. It is delusional and low class to even ask the uncle for such a favor.

We do understand this. I don't think anyone is suggesting that - but there are other opportunities at banks that might be available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is how the world works.

But I'll add that your DH should be careful -- if you know this nephew isn't at par, I'd hesitate to open the door for him.

Asking a rich uncle the semester you're graduating for a six figure job confirms the young man is not playing with a full deck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

An uncle leading the kid on does him no favors. The kid needs to meet with career center at Duke and take anything he can get at this point. The prime jobs are all filled months ago and the job market lacks the froth it had in 2022 and 2023. Without looking, the big Duke career fair for graduating seniors was way back in September or October. The fact this kid has nothing when it's nearly March is a major red flag.

[Anonymous]

NP. People on here are acting awfully righteous, but I doubt they would automatically pull strings or stick their necks out for kinfolk they do not deem appropriate or prepared for the role.

That aside, middle-class strivers generally work harder than upper-class dilettantes, who don't have to work for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are acting awfully righteous, but I doubt they would automatically pull strings or stick their necks out for kinfolk they do not deem appropriate or prepared for the role.

That aside, middle-class strivers generally work harder than upper-class dilettantes, who don't have to work for money.

True, the upper class are not generally going to be willing to spend their time billing 1900 hours a year in BigLaw, for example.

[Anonymous]

Why is this kid less deserving? Because his parents are poors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

An uncle leading the kid on does him no favors. The kid needs to meet with career center at Duke and take anything he can get at this point. The prime jobs are all filled months ago and the job market lacks the froth it had in 2022 and 2023. Without looking, the big Duke career fair for graduating seniors was way back in September or October. The fact this kid has nothing when it's nearly March is a major red flag.

No, it isn't a red flag. We don't know if the nephew has job offers. We only know what OP has told us and she seems tp be divorced from reality herself with her assessment that her nephew is a complete loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this kid less deserving? Because his parents are poors?

Even a rich kid with great grades would struggle to get handed such a plum job this late in the year. You're asking an uncle to ask one of his close pals to create a space for an undeserving slacker. The fact s/he is middle class is irrelevant. Going to Duke is also irrelevant. There are 2,000 Duke graduates a year. All would like a $150,000 job after graduation. How many get a $150,000 job? Maybe a few hundred, including computer science students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this kid less deserving? Because his parents are poors?

Even a rich kid with great grades would struggle to get handed such a plum job this late in the year. You're asking an uncle to ask one of his close pals to create a space for an undeserving slacker. The fact s/he is middle class is irrelevant. Going to Duke is also irrelevant. There are 2,000 Duke graduates a year. All would like a $150,000 job after graduation. How many get a $150,000 job? Maybe a few hundred, including computer science students.

I am the poster of the 2.9 GPA D1 athlete DS with a high-paying job with an investment company after graduation. FWIW, I am also from the MC.

OP's nephew should have made "connections" in college to avoid this kind of problem. My DS quickly learned in college that college kids with rich parents always like to hang out with athletes and musicians because they want to hang out with "cool" people. In returns, they ask their parents to help DS for opportunities after graduation. It is a win-win formula. Maybe OP's nephew doesn't have any useful skills that those college kids with rich parents want. That's how it works in the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

i feel like you are digging yourself deeper and deeper every time you comment. tell the sister to ask your husband himself. your husband will decide if he wants to help or not. if kid is not qualified, it won't pan out.

but, like other posters have mentioned, you seem like a d!ck.