My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

This is a top school, you g-d damn moron. Your nephew is well qualified. You're either a troll or stupid. Maybe both.

[Anonymous]

OP clearly doesn't understand business and employment in general and is likely overestimating the role her husband played in getting the prior contacts jobs. Unless he's an idiot, he just made some connections and vouched for their character, letting the normal hiring process work itself out. It's highly unlikely that he just gifted those kids a job, regardless of their merits.

So this is exactly what he could do for the nephew. "Hey Larla, I know you're hiring some entry level positions. Here's the resume of my nephew. He's not a rock star, but he's a good kid who's still figuring out how to navigate the professional world without any guidance from his parents. Can you take a look and maybe spend 20 minutes on a call with him? No pressure for anything beyond that, obviously."

That happens all. the. time. And it's not "gifting" anybody a job and it's not nepotism - it's just helping. Which, you know, is a nice thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your husband decide? Have your nephew give your husband his resume and tell nephew he needs to make the ask to your husband directly. Your husband can decide what he’s willing to do based on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your husband decide? Have your nephew give your husband his resume and tell nephew he needs to make the ask to your husband directly. Your husband can decide what he’s willing to do based on that.

I wrote this before I read that new phew is at Duke. I guarantee there are people at your husband’s company who didn’t “earn” their way in and didn’t even go to a top school- they were just connected. It sounds like that’s the part that’s upsetting to you- that your nephew could find a way out of his middle class existence.

[Anonymous]

It's also worth pointing out that the nephew may not have asked his parents to reach out - they may have done so of their own accord. So it's harsh to ascribe to him this image of laziness and entitlement for something he may not have done.

[Anonymous]

I call troll. Who refers to their nephew as an in-law?

[Anonymous]

Duke grad and an athlete? Hardly a slacker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your husband decide? Have your nephew give your husband his resume and tell nephew he needs to make the ask to your husband directly. Your husband can decide what he’s willing to do based on that.

I wrote this before I read that new phew is at Duke. I guarantee there are people at your husband’s company who didn’t “earn” their way in and didn’t even go to a top school- they were just connected. It sounds like that’s the part that’s upsetting to you- that your nephew could find a way out of his middle class existence.

Agree with everything but especially this. I'd put money on OP having kids in a similar age range at colleges that are not nearly as highly ranked. Also maybe some competition with her sister and jealousy that somehow the MC plebe raised a son at a top school. Now she wants to gatekeep and stick it to her and the kid- let them know their place! It's petty, immature behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are delusional if you believe a big stable job is squarely in the hands of op

No one thinks a big stable job is squarely in the hands of OP.

That's part of why people think OP is being so absurd. At best, her DH can pass around a resume, get him a foot in the door job. But that's the foot in the door job that the nephew needs. That's the kind of nepotism that is common. No one is taking a community college D-student and getting them a job at McKinsey. But people do, all the time, look out for family and friends, pass along resumes, do 15 minute networking chats, ask around their organizations, ask around their networks, set up a risk-free internship, etc. This is the kind of nepotism that is omnipresent. It's barely nepotism. It's just... how jobs and hiring works.

They don’t want a regular job. He can get a regular job. They want a six-figure miracle in March of his senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Duke grad and an athlete? Hardly a slacker.

He is not an athlete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are delusional if you believe a big stable job is squarely in the hands of op

No one thinks a big stable job is squarely in the hands of OP.

That's part of why people think OP is being so absurd. At best, her DH can pass around a resume, get him a foot in the door job. But that's the foot in the door job that the nephew needs. That's the kind of nepotism that is common. No one is taking a community college D-student and getting them a job at McKinsey. But people do, all the time, look out for family and friends, pass along resumes, do 15 minute networking chats, ask around their organizations, ask around their networks, set up a risk-free internship, etc. This is the kind of nepotism that is omnipresent. It's barely nepotism. It's just... how jobs and hiring works.

They don’t want a regular job. He can get a regular job. They want a six-figure miracle in March of his senior year.

I am assuming this is OP who posted this. Duke and the connections made there can get him his 6 figure job. Your rich husband isn't his meal ticket. He did that himself when he got into Duke and is on track to graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are delusional if you believe a big stable job is squarely in the hands of op

No one thinks a big stable job is squarely in the hands of OP.

That's part of why people think OP is being so absurd. At best, her DH can pass around a resume, get him a foot in the door job. But that's the foot in the door job that the nephew needs. That's the kind of nepotism that is common. No one is taking a community college D-student and getting them a job at McKinsey. But people do, all the time, look out for family and friends, pass along resumes, do 15 minute networking chats, ask around their organizations, ask around their networks, set up a risk-free internship, etc. This is the kind of nepotism that is omnipresent. It's barely nepotism. It's just... how jobs and hiring works.

They don’t want a regular job. He can get a regular job. They want a six-figure miracle in March of his senior year.

OP, can you share with us your educational and professional background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are delusional if you believe a big stable job is squarely in the hands of op

No one thinks a big stable job is squarely in the hands of OP.

That's part of why people think OP is being so absurd. At best, her DH can pass around a resume, get him a foot in the door job. But that's the foot in the door job that the nephew needs. That's the kind of nepotism that is common. No one is taking a community college D-student and getting them a job at McKinsey. But people do, all the time, look out for family and friends, pass along resumes, do 15 minute networking chats, ask around their organizations, ask around their networks, set up a risk-free internship, etc. This is the kind of nepotism that is omnipresent. It's barely nepotism. It's just... how jobs and hiring works.

They don’t want a regular job. He can get a regular job. They want a six-figure miracle in March of his senior year.

Well, let's say DH pulled off the miracle by asking his boss to give his nephew who graduated from Duke a job. Nephew gets a six figure job and does enough that it doesn't embarrass DH. Would you be happy with that outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are delusional if you believe a big stable job is squarely in the hands of op

No one thinks a big stable job is squarely in the hands of OP.

That's part of why people think OP is being so absurd. At best, her DH can pass around a resume, get him a foot in the door job. But that's the foot in the door job that the nephew needs. That's the kind of nepotism that is common. No one is taking a community college D-student and getting them a job at McKinsey. But people do, all the time, look out for family and friends, pass along resumes, do 15 minute networking chats, ask around their organizations, ask around their networks, set up a risk-free internship, etc. This is the kind of nepotism that is omnipresent. It's barely nepotism. It's just... how jobs and hiring works.

They don’t want a regular job. He can get a regular job. They want a six-figure miracle in March of his senior year.

Well, let's say DH pulled off the miracle by asking his boss to give his nephew who graduated from Duke a job. Nephew gets a six figure job and does enough that it doesn't embarrass DH. Would you be happy with that outcome?

She would 1) be livid, and 2) tell everyone who would listen that she did it all herself and her nephew (+sister/BIL) owes her for life.

[Anonymous]

This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.