The helicopter parents won - a look back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

They don’t have to, but why hate on people who go all out? I know people who hold their kids back because family dinner every night is top priority. Sometimes the kids want more but their parents refuse.

I never said hold them back, just not force them. I'd let my kids do activities if they want to, and I'd take their activity preferences into consideration, but i wouldn't let them literally choose anything that they want. Things like finances and time are a bigger consideration.

You're the only one talking about forcing kids. OPs kids were happy in rec. What makes you think they would have felt forced to go to the next level? Do you think kids secretly hate all of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

There is no negativity except for kids who want to do them, their parents can afford them but they refuse. Some kids don’t want them. Many do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

They don’t have to, but why hate on people who go all out? I know people who hold their kids back because family dinner every night is top priority. Sometimes the kids want more but their parents refuse.

I never said hold them back, just not force them. I'd let my kids do activities if they want to, and I'd take their activity preferences into consideration, but i wouldn't let them literally choose anything that they want. Things like finances and time are a bigger consideration.

You're the only one talking about forcing kids. OPs kids were happy in rec. What makes you think they would have felt forced to go to the next level? Do you think kids secretly hate all of this?

My kids are not forced. I’d love to drop some. They keep wanting to add more. They don’t know anything different than rec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my kid take piano lessons starting at age six. She has some natural ability/talent, but has never had a lot of interest, and as the years went by pushback grew (I bribed her with tv time in exchange for practice time ). I told her she had to keep taking lessons until she started high school/9th grade. My thinking was I wanted her to have the tools/foundation so that if she wanted to play in a band or whatever in high school, she could (my brother was in a band in high school and had an absolute blast - I was so envious!). She is in 9th grade now, and took the fall semester off from the piano - but recently (in January) requested to/restarted lessons - she decided she wants to play in one of the school bands next year - my long game paid off - wowee! Same with travel soccer - her interest has waxed and waned - but we made her stick with it (reassessing every year) - she made the high school varsity team in 9th grade and played a ton and had an absolute blast. I guess I offer these examples in support of OP's post/topic, though I also agree with what some of the PPs have said - the kid has to have some talent/internal motivation to go along with the parental support/push (as a parent you can't make it happen if the kid doesn't have at least a modicum of interest and ability).

Why not let her try different instruments and let her pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

I really hate the negativity on the kids who don't do all of these activities, it's pretty ridiculous.

They don’t have to, but why hate on people who go all out? I know people who hold their kids back because family dinner every night is top priority. Sometimes the kids want more but their parents refuse.

I never said hold them back, just not force them. I'd let my kids do activities if they want to, and I'd take their activity preferences into consideration, but i wouldn't let them literally choose anything that they want. Things like finances and time are a bigger consideration.

You're the only one talking about forcing kids. OPs kids were happy in rec. What makes you think they would have felt forced to go to the next level? Do you think kids secretly hate all of this?

My kids are not forced. I’d love to drop some. They keep wanting to add more. They don’t know anything different than rec.

Your kids are young? When they are older they see their friends leave rec for travel and want to go too and play more competitively.

[Anonymous]

I don’t agree with continually pushing kids if they have zero desire to do something. But I also don’t buy into the attitude of let the kids do whatever, because talented or smart kids just find a way.

I am a smart, talented kid who wasn’t pushed. I never tried an array of sports, and once we got a piano teacher we stuck with her until we moved to another based on schedule or family friends. I loved reading and writing but was never encouraged to write.

I feel like my kid is so lucky. He is in a variety of sports and classes and has tried so many things. Some have stuck with him, but lots of things are connected and I can see his interests and passions growing. I continually look for opportunities like camps, activity groups, etc. but also don’t fill every single day because that would be too much.

I do think I would have achieved more if a teacher or parent had said “hey look, there’s a story writing competition and with your piece on x I think you have a great shot!” Or “Why don’t we look at ASRM grades and make some goals for piano?” Or “What do you want to do, golf or tennis? Or you can pick a sport but you have to do one every other season until middle school is over.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

Pp must have young kids. Your kid won’t make the team in high school if you are just playing for fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

Pp must have young kids. Your kid won’t make the team in high school if you are just playing for fun.

Exactly. I think it's the same PP saying their kids don't know anything other than rec. Clearly they must be about 6 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my kid take piano lessons starting at age six. She has some natural ability/talent, but has never had a lot of interest, and as the years went by pushback grew (I bribed her with tv time in exchange for practice time ). I told her she had to keep taking lessons until she started high school/9th grade. My thinking was I wanted her to have the tools/foundation so that if she wanted to play in a band or whatever in high school, she could (my brother was in a band in high school and had an absolute blast - I was so envious!). She is in 9th grade now, and took the fall semester off from the piano - but recently (in January) requested to/restarted lessons - she decided she wants to play in one of the school bands next year - my long game paid off - wowee! Same with travel soccer - her interest has waxed and waned - but we made her stick with it (reassessing every year) - she made the high school varsity team in 9th grade and played a ton and had an absolute blast. I guess I offer these examples in support of OP's post/topic, though I also agree with what some of the PPs have said - the kid has to have some talent/internal motivation to go along with the parental support/push (as a parent you can't make it happen if the kid doesn't have at least a modicum of interest and ability).

Why not let her try different instruments and let her pick.

Maybe she didn't want to try a different instrument? I have a kid who is talented at piano but hates to practice. It's not that she doesn't like playing, just that she would rather be a kid and goof around. I have been pushing her to continue and to practice 20-30 minutes a day. Kids who are phenoms, practice for hours. She practices just enough to improve each week and keep up with her lessons. If she really hated it I'd let her stop, but that's not the case. She does enjoy piano, especially when playing with others. It's just a lot to expect a kid to have the discipline to remember and make time to practice nightly all on their own.

It's no different than me and working out. I like the outcomes and feel better when I do it, but sometimes it's hard to get off the couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

That said, if Simone Biles had just been an above-average gymnast, the gym would’ve likely cut off the training after they missed just one or two payments. They wouldn’t have been allowed to accrue so much debt but for the fact the gym knew they had a champion on their hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted once about my friend who was pushing her daughters to play travel when her kids didn’t even want to go to rec. The parents themselves are not very athletic but wanted their kids to be athletes. Kids got cut from travel teams in elementary. You can push all you want but if your kid doesn’t like it or want to do it, s/he will not excel.

But it takes both. If the super talented kid doesn't have a ride to the tournament or practice, he's not going to get far.

This is true. I posted above that my kid likes basketball. It isn’t like in the movies where some kid just plays street ball and becomes some NBA player. Maybe this can happen somewhere with some 7 ft talented basketball kid who somehow manages to train himself.

From what I see, the talented players often have a parent or parents who were athletes themselves. They may have been high school, college or pro but the parents were some type of athlete. These kids start early. They may do some switching of sports but they all play sports from young ages. By the time they are 10-12, they are already on competitive teams whether it is basketball, soccer, tennis, baseball or lacrosse. The days of just walking on a team in high school are gone.

To use Simone Biles as an example (because my daughter is into gymnastics) her family was deep in debt before the Olympics, behind on their gym fees. A lot of families can't or won't take a second mortgage to let their kids fulfill their fantasies. It's not just raw talent. It's very much pay to play.

That said, if Simone Biles had just been an above-average gymnast, the gym would’ve likely cut off the training after they missed just one or two payments. They wouldn’t have been allowed to accrue so much debt but for the fact the gym knew they had a champion on their hands.

Probably but they are all one broken ankle away from a career ending injury. There are no sure bets. Her family's gamble pays off, we don't hear about the ones that don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my kid take piano lessons starting at age six. She has some natural ability/talent, but has never had a lot of interest, and as the years went by pushback grew (I bribed her with tv time in exchange for practice time ). I told her she had to keep taking lessons until she started high school/9th grade. My thinking was I wanted her to have the tools/foundation so that if she wanted to play in a band or whatever in high school, she could (my brother was in a band in high school and had an absolute blast - I was so envious!). She is in 9th grade now, and took the fall semester off from the piano - but recently (in January) requested to/restarted lessons - she decided she wants to play in one of the school bands next year - my long game paid off - wowee! Same with travel soccer - her interest has waxed and waned - but we made her stick with it (reassessing every year) - she made the high school varsity team in 9th grade and played a ton and had an absolute blast. I guess I offer these examples in support of OP's post/topic, though I also agree with what some of the PPs have said - the kid has to have some talent/internal motivation to go along with the parental support/push (as a parent you can't make it happen if the kid doesn't have at least a modicum of interest and ability).

My parents pushing me/my sibling on sports and instruments. It was pretty effective--I played at a high level, and my brother was a D1 athlete. It also seriously (and in my sibling's case, permanently) damaged our relationships. When I got to college, my dad said his #1 parenting regret is how much he pushed the instrument, and all the times we fought over practicing. He pushed it because he believed it was necessary for us to be successful. He came to the conclusion this was basically false, and he regretted the damage it had done. I have never played the instrument since graduating, and my brother loathes the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

There will always be times that even the "greats" will not want to practice, etc. But if you really listen to the greats, they will say the number of those times is far less than most people, because in the end, they were driven to do what they want to do. This is the key.

As for things like vegetables -- you should be treating them similarly. The fastest way to get a person to hate a vegetable is to force them to eat it. Most parents know this and will keep offering the kid a variety of vegetables, and letting the kid try one or another, but not forcing them to finish the entire serving.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ve been accused of being a “laid back snow plow parent” and “checking out on my kids” the trolling on this site is ponderous.

My post is part lament and part warning. I thought that we were active parents with well adjusted kids that were doing pretty well. Particularly in early elementary school I thought the parents pushing their kids into ever higher math groups and scheming to get their 2nd graders into the most competitive travel team were slightly unhinged. But now looking at the results I think I was wrong.

The facts are these.

1. Up through middle school I had good and happy kids they did well in schools and standardized tests and participated in rec sports every season. We sat with them while they did thier homework, went to thier games met with their teachers and even coached a few of their teams.


2. In high school- They did well academically and took a few APs. But they were not among the most advanced kids. My eldest never made the highschool baseball team and my youngest seeing his brother ‘s struggles switched to lacrosse. Both participated in varsity sports (cross country, track and lacrosse for our youngest)

3. Both were accepted to good but not elite colleges. Whereas many of the kids we started with are going to elite school and/or recruited athletes.

4. I’m not unhappy with their experience or results but In retrospect I think if we had pushed more in elementary school we would’ve gotten better results. I think they would have certainly played highschool baseball if we had taken it more seriously.

As I wrote before - when they were smaller we didn’t want hectic nights and weekends so we didn’t prioritize travel sports. The kids were happy and doing well in school so we thought there was no need to push them into more advanced classes.

I understand that we are very fortunate that our kids are happy healthy and going to good schools but looking back we missed opportunities. Would pushing have substantially changed the outcome- I don’t know. But the cost for that pushing would not have been that much more than we were already doing.

This is nuts. Why do you think if you pushed baseball they'd have made the high school baseball team? Did they actually have enough talent to make the team? Did they have the desire to go to baseball practices regularly? If not, I doubt they would have made the team no matter how hard you pushed.

How many people leave all the decisions to their kids? Don't want the vaccines? Eat vegetables? Go to bed on time? Kids don't really know what's best and by the time they wake up they will be too far behind to catch up. Even the greats will say there were times they wanted to quit, not practice, sleep in, but the ones who persevere credit their parents for their sacrifices and believing in them.

We're not talking about a need though. Kids don't need to participate in sports or extracurriculars. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience. It's up to them whether they participate or not

That's one parenting philosophy. There are others. But the world needs ditch diggers, so you're welcome to parent in the way that works for you.

Pp must have young kids. Your kid won’t make the team in high school if you are just playing for fun.

Exactly. I think it's the same PP saying their kids don't know anything other than rec. Clearly they must be about 6 years old.

I have a first grader as well as a kid in middle school and a kid in high school. Until age 10, kids can play for fun and all is good. By middle school, the better kids are all on travel, AAU, etc. kids specialize since sports require practice 3-5x per week. My kids will have team practice, skills clinic and matches, games and tournaments.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I made my kid take piano lessons starting at age six. She has some natural ability/talent, but has never had a lot of interest, and as the years went by pushback grew (I bribed her with tv time in exchange for practice time ). I told her she had to keep taking lessons until she started high school/9th grade. My thinking was I wanted her to have the tools/foundation so that if she wanted to play in a band or whatever in high school, she could (my brother was in a band in high school and had an absolute blast - I was so envious!). She is in 9th grade now, and took the fall semester off from the piano - but recently (in January) requested to/restarted lessons - she decided she wants to play in one of the school bands next year - my long game paid off - wowee! Same with travel soccer - her interest has waxed and waned - but we made her stick with it (reassessing every year) - she made the high school varsity team in 9th grade and played a ton and had an absolute blast. I guess I offer these examples in support of OP's post/topic, though I also agree with what some of the PPs have said - the kid has to have some talent/internal motivation to go along with the parental support/push (as a parent you can't make it happen if the kid doesn't have at least a modicum of interest and ability).

My parents pushing me/my sibling on sports and instruments. It was pretty effective--I played at a high level, and my brother was a D1 athlete. It also seriously (and in my sibling's case, permanently) damaged our relationships. When I got to college, my dad said his #1 parenting regret is how much he pushed the instrument, and all the times we fought over practicing. He pushed it because he believed it was necessary for us to be successful. He came to the conclusion this was basically false, and he regretted the damage it had done. I have never played the instrument since graduating, and my brother loathes the sport.

+1. My parents forced me to play the piano until I was 18, when I finally quit because I was an adult. They said I would miss the piano when I grew older, but that will never happen because I never want to touch a piano ever again.